To think it doesn’t really matter how I hold my cutlery.

[Frosty2894]

With all the things going on in the world right now, I’m writing a post about how we hold cutlery.

I remember being told I’m cack handed by my grandmother when I was a child 🤨 she didn’t say it in a nasty way but said she was similar.

I’m right handed. I hold my fork in my right hand and knife in left. This is the way I’ve always done it and felt comfortable, was never told or taught the correct way.

For years my partner has joked about how I can’t hold a knife and fork properly and even mentioned trying it the other way. I’ve tried - it doesn’t feel right to me. He told me that his mother would probably tell me to switch hands as it’s her ‘pet gate’. We’ve been together for 9 years. He’s not mentioned it for a while (until tonight) and I’ve avoided eating in front of his mother as much as possible else I feel paranoid. Feel like I’m being watched!

Generally my table manners are okay I think. I’m not a complete slob when It comes to eating or anything!

Aibu to think it really doesn’t matter? Partner has mentioned it tonight and does it really bleddy matter?!

@OldBean2

Yes, I would judge you, in the same way that I judge people who cannot lay a table correctly. I would not say anything but I would wonder why you had not been taught to use cutlery.

Part of the pre-selection of partners for accountancy and legal firms was the knife and fork test, when they were invited to a dinner and they were observed on how they ate, whether they could hold their drink and if they could hold a decent non work conversation. Whether you like it or not, it still matters.

My employer does similar, only we look out for unpleasant people, so those who fail to conceal awful expressions due to their superiority complex.

Drinking alcohol also isn’t a prerequisite, taking any note of someones alcohol consumption means you are directly discriminating against certain faiths and those with certain medical issues.

It generally only matters to people who value appearance over substance.

Part of the pre-selection of partners for accountancy and legal firms was the knife and fork test, when they were invited to a dinner and they were observed on how they ate, whether they could hold their drink and if they could hold a decent non work conversation. Whether you like it or not, it still matters.

How relevant is that these days?

I agree with @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll. It is a completely out of date concept. Although bad table manners as opposed to holding your knife "in the wrong hand" is bad manners.

Personally I hold my knife in my right and fork in the left and think that is the way it should be done and will teach my children to hold them that way BUT my DH holds them backwards and if DC end up holding them the same way as DH it's not the end of the world. and tbh as long as people have decent table manners I generally don't even notice.

It's something I'd notice but not comment upon. Training my DC to use cutlery "properly". It's one of those weird things that shouldn't matter but does. My mum would of said that they eat in front of the telly if a schoolfriend of mine held cutlery oddly/ had poor table manners. No idea if that's true in general.

Part of the pre-selection of partners for accountancy and legal firms was the knife and fork test, when they were invited to a dinner and they were observed on how they ate, whether they could hold their drink and if they could hold a decent non work conversation. Whether you like it or not, it still matters.

'Ah, Featheringshawe. Totally useless accountant. Cost his last firm millions. Still, the chap knows how to use cutlery so let's offer him the job'.

Totally irrelevant in the 21st century.

@Janegrey333

Correction:

People who do not adhere to proper table manners are the ones who are being rude.

Do get over yourself.

@oldbean2 - you say you would judge them but what does that mean. You say you would wonder why they were never taught how to use cutlery etc.... What exactly would you judgement be - that they are lesser in some way? And do you worry that you are judged by others for not following their cultural norms at the table?

It wouldn’t matter

But it does and this is why you’ve Biden away your eating from someone else for fear of shame about tour manners

That is sincerely such a shame

Those saying you'd 'judge' someone for holding their cutlery the other way round - what do you do? Walk over & ask if there's any extenuating circumstances, if they're left handed, where they were brought up & by whom? Or just silently & smugly work your judgey pants up your arse crack when you should be minding your own business?

Or just silently & smugly work your judge y pants up your arse crack when you should be minding your own business?

This ^

@iklboo

Those saying you'd 'judge' someone for holding their cutlery the other way round - what do you do? Walk over & ask if there's any extenuating circumstances, if they're left handed, where they were brought up & by whom? Or just silently & smugly work your judgey pants up your arse crack when you should be minding your own business?

Classy.

@iklboo

Part of the pre-selection of partners for accountancy and legal firms was the knife and fork test, when they were invited to a dinner and they were observed on how they ate, whether they could hold their drink and if they could hold a decent non work conversation. Whether you like it or not, it still matters.

'Ah, Featheringshawe. Totally useless accountant. Cost his last firm millions. Still, the chap knows how to use cutlery so let's offer him the job'.

Totally irrelevant in the 21st century.

Not so. Someone close to me is a relatively young senior economist at the Treasury. His first “interview”, in leaving university, was in the form of a lunch for all candidates. Even dress code was left deliberately vague and people were asked to “dress comfortably”. That was the first test, obviously.

...on leaving...

You are naïve if you think impressions don’t count.

@sbhydrogen

Although the first rule of etiquette is that you don't embarrass someone in public for not following the rules of etiquette

Luckily this is an anonymous forum 😉

Senior Economist jobs at The Treasury are hardly an Everyman (that is, most of the population) occupation. Again, I'd rather be judged on my ability to do my job.

@Janegrey333 - 'Classy'

Alanis Morrisette called. She thinks you've nailed the definition of irony.

@Janegrey333 you clearly move in far more hallowed circles than most mumsnetters do. As iklboo has pointed out, very few people work for or want to work for the Treasury.

[quote Ginfordinner]**@Janegrey333* you clearly move in far more hallowed circles than most mumsnetters do. As iklboo* has pointed out, very few people work for or want to work for the Treasury.[/quote]
You are a civil servant doing a job. You do not have to like the government.

@iklboo

Senior Economist jobs at The Treasury are hardly an Everyman (that is, most of the population) occupation. Again, I'd rather be judged on my ability to do my job.

What I described was merely a sifting process, I presume. The process during the rest of that day was more conventional - as were the subsequent interviews. He is very much judged on his ability to do the job - obviously - and he is already proving himself.

What I described was merely a sifting process, I presume.

Is there no employment law in England? How does any employer get away with stuff like that, particularly if it's a public sector role?

Congrats op you made the news! (Haven't rft so may have been pointed out)www.google.com/amp/s/www.ok.co.uk/lifestyle/cutlery-etiquette-left-hand-mumsnet-23234962.amp

It's still bloody archaic. Being pre-selected / sifted for holding your cutlery nicely (not getting trollied & dressing for the beach at Ibiza I can agree with). More suitable candidates may have been dismissed for such a ridiculous reason.

@Nikeybikey - we've been in The Daily Fail, Mirror & LadBible too! Filling up the journo bingo card.

Do what I do, stuff it into a roti with your bare hands.

Yes I am very much on board with this idea.

I wonder what certain posters would make of Ethiopian food, where the "cutlery" is basically bread.