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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Report police officer sister or not?

139 replies

Housethief · 26/12/2020 00:25

My sister is a police officer who drink drives, has had an affair with my ex, was arrested at her 'do' at her last work place for aggression/drunk and disorderly (started on a colleague of hers) but was sleeping with the boss at the time and got a god ref anyway. Should I report this, or let it lie? It makes me uneasy that the recruitment process allows such people to 'slip under the net' .. But don't know if my view is spiteful and clouded by the fact she slept with the father of my child and she's my sister and maybe it's just a personal vendetta and I'm trying to react and hurt her like she did me.. I just feel weird that she's helping to "protect the public"

OP posts:
Porridgeoat · 26/12/2020 07:09

Or report her to crime stoppers and tell her

FourTeaFallOut · 26/12/2020 07:14

How is that conversation going to go?
"I'd like to report my sister for drink driving... No, not right now, historically...no, I didn't report it at the time...can I tell you about who she has slept with?"

Porridgeoat · 26/12/2020 07:14

Hang on! So she used to drink drive BEFORE she was a police officer. It’s not a recent thing. She’s clearly turned over a new leaf

The aggression at the party was formally dealt with at the time. This is non of your business

Porridgeoat · 26/12/2020 07:17

Also why is she and not your ex getting a difficult time from you. They both had an affair. Your sister didn’t have an affair on her own .. takes two.

JacobReesMogadishu · 26/12/2020 07:22

You can’t report historical drink driving. There’s no way of proving it, she would just say you don’t like her and are causing trouble. They wouldn’t believe you.

If she’s still drink driving then yes report it but even then they need to catch her in the act. So ideally you need to report when you know she’s actually drink driving.

plominoagain · 26/12/2020 07:25

Should you report the drink drive ? If it’s happening at the time absolutely. Same as you should for any member of the public. Historically? Of little to no use at all. Same as any member of the public. It might get flagged up as info if they come to notice through their driving , but even then to require a breath test, would need a reasonable suspicion of alcohol, and a historic hearsay report won’t be enough for that, unless it’s coupled with other grounds .

The rest , totally irrelevant . There are immoral arseholes in every profession. Judges , barristers , teachers , social workers , doctors. As long as it doesn’t impact on her ability to do her job, they won’t care .

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 26/12/2020 07:38

You don’t sound very nice. Concentrate on your own life

trixiebelden77 · 26/12/2020 07:41

If you report every police officer who’s had an affair......

Well the paperwork will be extreme.

nosswith · 26/12/2020 07:45

The drink driving is the thing to be reported. When you think it is happening.

Vitaminsss · 26/12/2020 07:45

You have no proof she was driving whilst under the influence of alcohol. It’s hearsay so no realistic prospect of conviction. The police would need to prove beyond reasonable doubt ie being stopped at the roadside with a breathalyser, a blood test, cctv of her at a pub drinking and then immediately driving etc.

No evidence means your claim is likely to be considered malicious once she tells the arresting officer that you have a feud with her

nannybeach · 26/12/2020 07:48

It's very difficult, I had a colleague, (nurse not police) different times in Nursing Home and big e=general Hospital, (different people) both covered for by senior staff.Had been in the positions for years. One night the hospital one, had a row in the middle of the ward. Matron called, could smell drink, was told to got home, refused.Eventually left, Police notifed and vehicles details given, nothing happened. The oher was seen at petrol station filling up, drunk police called nothing happened

Vitaminsss · 26/12/2020 07:53

So becoming a police officer clears every act you ever committed?

You’re making it seem like she did it whilst being a police officer. She apparently did this whilst she was a civilian - there’s a different moral code isn’t there? Police officers have to conduct themselves to much higher standard.

Realistically if you’re annoyed that people who drink drive are able to later become police officers, blame yourself. It’s your fault. You knew what was happening at the time and didn’t report it. She could have killed someone or herself at the time, yet you ignored it allowed it to happen multiple times! You’re practically complicit. You’re only piping up now because she had sex with your man, very hypocritical

Littleyell · 26/12/2020 07:54

I was just about to type and ask...... was your sister not a drinker before sleeping with your BF.

I don’t know what advise to offer here as it sounds like a past event.

Doingitaloneandproud · 26/12/2020 08:05

Sorry I think just let it go. If the drunk driving is in the past, you can't report her for it. The other things you describe are immoral not illegal. Sounds like you need to focus on how to move on, what she did was awful, but you can't let her affect you forever, don't give her that kind of power.

MaryLeeOnHigh · 26/12/2020 08:12

You need to be realistic about this. The police are not going to be interested in who your sister slept with, and if you try to report past criminal offences they are going to ask what your evidence is and whether it will stand up in court. Saying that your mum used to phone you about your sister's drink-driving proves nothing, and if she wasn't charged at the time she was arrested for the incident with her previous employers then why would she be charged now?

Eckhart · 26/12/2020 08:25

I don't think this looks like an issue of morals. If any other Police officer had an affair, you wouldn't be thinking they were immoral and should be reported to their employer. You're looking for a way to upset your sister, because she has upset you. It sounds like you think that she'll get into a royal lot of trouble, and you'll be satisfied she got what she deserved, but it's unlikely to work out that way. Chances are you'd spill it all out, and never hear another thing about it. You'd end up even more frustrated with her.

Learn, for yourself, how to let it go. Tell her that if you see her drink driving one more time, you'll report her. Follow through with this if necessary, because it puts innocent people in danger. But leave it at that, and learn how to let her get on with her immorality without needing revenge.

butterpuffed · 26/12/2020 08:26

Drink driving in the past can't be reported, it would be your word against hers.

And the affair she had with your ex, it wasn't clear whether it was while you were with him or not.

i guess there's a reason you're dwelling on it all now but time to let go.

Voyager54 · 26/12/2020 08:28

OP You would be correct to report her to Professional Standards regarding her behaviours, they are duty bound to investigate.

As far as the drink driving is concerned when Police Officers report for duty after drinking the day before the amount that they can consume is less than a member of the public. The Police allowance is 13mg % breath where anyone else would be 35% breath in other words about a small glass of wine or less that 1/2 pint of beer would mean that she is over the limit.

It probably would not come as a surprise to her colleagues regarding her lifestyle.

Highfivemum · 26/12/2020 08:42

Whether you love or loathe your sister is not important. No one is above the law. I have seen the devastation of drunk driving and trust me it is not nice. Report her. Drink driving kills lives.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 26/12/2020 08:55

@BooFuckingHoo2

We have a serving officer neighbour whose partner was arrested for threatening a local youth with a knife. She was with him when alleged incident happened. He's been charged and in court soon. No one appears to give a shit about her being with him whilst walking around in the afternoon as school kids walked home and her partner decides its a good idea to pull out the weapon he left the house with in anticipation of seeing the youth who had riled him , her failure to calm down the subsequent confrontation or that she left their home with an armed person.

Wtf!! You’re actually suggesting that woman should lose her job for not single handedly confronting a man with a knife whilst (I’m assuming?) personally unarmed. If he’s the sort of dick head to carry a knife around children then he’s probably even worse at home, sounds like a pretty terrifying man to me.

Amazing how women are always to blame when men do anything wrong, isn't it?
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 26/12/2020 09:01

What about people who drive when they're tired. That's also very dangerous

Right, so in your view we shouldn't try to stop any criminal dangerous behaviour because other behaviours are also dangerous?

Let's not ban guns, because knives are also dangerous

Let's not ban speeding because driving without due care is also dangerous.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/12/2020 09:07

Did she give you Bayliss & Harding for Christmas, OP ☹️?

MispyM · 26/12/2020 09:16

So the drunk driving is in the past?

As much as I abhor drunk driving. No, nothing to report imo.

Her sleeping with your ex must be incredibly difficult. But it's irrelevant to her duty as an officer.

LakieLady · 26/12/2020 09:16

@CoolCatTaco

Two bottles of wine, every night but can still get a job & keep it? Not sure I believe that. Are you still in close contact with her? If not, how do you know what she does??
Someone I know drinks more than that and has her own business that nets her around £200k a year.

She never has a drink before 5pm, but gets through 2-3 bottles before she passes out pissed around 9pm. And she never works on a Friday, so she has 3-day weekends that revolve around drinking. Her DS & DIL no longer allow her to have her DGC because she's always pissed when she's not working.

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 26/12/2020 09:33

If you see your sister drink a bottle of wine and then get behind the wheel, call the police, but historical, hearsay, accusations are unproven, and not helpful.
This.

But it’s clear it’s not about upholding the thin blue line and any moral values you have, this is pure out and our revenge on your sister.

She did an awful thing to you but you need to move on, this underlying bile and jealousy will eat away at you. Get some help if you can.

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