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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Report police officer sister or not?

139 replies

Housethief · 26/12/2020 00:25

My sister is a police officer who drink drives, has had an affair with my ex, was arrested at her 'do' at her last work place for aggression/drunk and disorderly (started on a colleague of hers) but was sleeping with the boss at the time and got a god ref anyway. Should I report this, or let it lie? It makes me uneasy that the recruitment process allows such people to 'slip under the net' .. But don't know if my view is spiteful and clouded by the fact she slept with the father of my child and she's my sister and maybe it's just a personal vendetta and I'm trying to react and hurt her like she did me.. I just feel weird that she's helping to "protect the public"

OP posts:

Gingerkittykat · 26/12/2020 03:39

I'm sorry your sister has hurt you so badly. If you ever know or suspect she is currently drink driving then report her but unproven claims from someone who has a grudge against her will not make a difference.

What's going on in your family now? Do you still need to have contact with her?

roastedpudding · 26/12/2020 03:40

I'd have to report the drink driving but the rest is not illegal even if it's immoral so is not your business.

GintyMcGinty · 26/12/2020 03:58

Report her if you know she is getting behind the wheel drunk.

Reporting historical drunk driving is totally pointless unless you have done kind of evidence.

Her sex life us irrelevant to her employment.

Mintjulia · 26/12/2020 04:04

Op, you sound bitter and vengeful.

If you see your sister drink a bottle of wine and then get behind the wheel, call the police, but historical, hearsay, accusations are unproven, and not helpful.

You don't like your sister, but trying to wreck her career won't make you feel better. You need to deal with your anger in a more positive way and move on.

PeachesBright · 26/12/2020 04:13

Nothing can be done about historic drink driving. The police literally need to catch your sister driving whilst under the influence of alcohol. They then need to have her do a road side breathalyser to determine if she is over the limit. If she is, then she can be arrested.
If you contact the police now and inform them that a serving police officer regularly drink drives (that's assuming that she still does), that information will be passed to the police's professional standards department (think 'internal affairs') who will look into it. It would be worth reporting it each time she drink drives to add weight to the allegation.

In regards to the aggressive/threatening behaviour.. all police officers have to go through a pretty rigorous vetting process to join. If your sister was arrested at some point, the police will know this information. I can only assume no further action was taken against her at the time (perhaps due to a lack of evidence or the other party not willing to pursue to matter?) and therefore, that incident can't be held against her.

To the few PP posters tarring all police officers with the "ACAB" brush and saying all police are cunts.. shame on you!
If you visit Sainsburys and have a bad experience with the checkout staff.. does that mean all checkout staff across the country are cunts?! No! There are a minority number of bad eggs in all employment areas. No one hates shit police officers more than good police officers!
I have police officer relatives and they are honest, hardworking, selfless people who joined the service to help others. They both love their jobs. They've missed Christmas this year because they are working. Same applies for new years eve also - and this is the case most years.

BooBahBoo · 26/12/2020 04:57

Honestly, in my experience of some of the people in the force, affairs are fairly rife and a lot of them are at it. Mostly with colleagues, though. You can't report over that. Just because you're a police officer, it doesn't make you a saint. They have their demons just like the rest of us. Is it ideal? No. But it is what it is.

Drink driving absolutely because it's illegal and dangerous. However I do think it would be also of benefit to you to try and make peace with who she is and distance yourself emotionally. It isn't healthy and you'll run yourself into the ground. She isn't a nice person but don't make it your life goal to "get revenge". You're better than that. She'll get what's coming to her, eventually.

BooBahBoo · 26/12/2020 05:00

Oh, and to clarify like others have said. Historic DD? No. If you know she's currently drunk and behind the wheel? Yes. Same goes for any drug misuse if that is ever a possibility.

ApolloandDaphne · 26/12/2020 05:14

You can't report someone for who they slept with. That's no ones business. The drink driving from what you have said is historical so will be of no interest either. Reporting that would just make you appear malicious. The one I can't get past is the previous offences. I was under the impression you couldn't join the police force if you had previous offences on your record.

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 26/12/2020 05:42

If she was arrested and not charged, there is nothing more you can do about that one.
If you have evidence she is drink driving, call the police and report at the time
They won't care who she sleeps with as long as she's not on the job while she does it.

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 26/12/2020 05:44

So becoming a police officer clears every act you ever committed?

If she wasn't caught at the time, it's unfortunately hearsay. Not much anyone can do about it now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2020 05:52

I would report your sister if your mum calls you again about it or if you witness her dd. Otherwise nothing much you can do.

Schehezarade · 26/12/2020 06:03

I think you can anonymously report a drink driver by just giving their number plate. Perhaps you could try that.
It's notoriously hard to sack people these days, police included but it does mean they are aware. But knowing she is police they might not stop her unless she is seriously breaking the road laws.

Oh12lookanothernamechange1234 · 26/12/2020 06:07

How long has she been in the job for? Did the drink drive predate her joining?
Personally I would report her, there is no space for people that drink drive in any occupation as far as I am concerned. If she has chanced it once then she probably does it a lot more often.
In the first two years as a police officer you are on probation, essentially you are easier to sack.
Previous arrest wise the police would be aware of this as there is a strict vetting process, so you wouldn’t be highlighting anything new.
It’s the drink driving that is very concerning. Report it

Wiredforsound · 26/12/2020 06:17

If people got put into prison for an ethically dodgy shag then half the country would be there. You can’t get her done for historic drink during or harassment as you have no evidence. You need to org her at the time she’s doing it. You also need to work on your hate for her, because that’s really screwing you up right now.

twittwootwittwoo · 26/12/2020 06:23

Ok if she's done wrong in the past, unless she's still doing it now you should let it go and be proud that she is helping the general public now.

You sound quite bitter (may be justified) but it's not going to help you and if you didn't report her what is it going to change?

The past is the past, I'm sure the police have done all the checks they need to do

Mdmd · 26/12/2020 06:23

Has all this stuff happened since she became a policewoman or did it happen prior to her joining the police?

dyslek · 26/12/2020 06:27

You sound like you are still very hurt by her careless betrayal but acting out of anger is never a good idea.
Take a long break from her for a while and work on forgiving her in your head. I have found that forgiveness is only possible when we focus on our own faults, none of us are perfect so try to move on.

Frannibananni · 26/12/2020 06:34

In our workplace (similar but not police) she would be questioned but really you are reporting with no evidence. So you would be seen as a vindictive trouble maker with a grudge who is possibly is a liar.
Honestly no one at work would care who she slept with unless it was illegal.
Move on.

tara66 · 26/12/2020 06:36

Write an anonymous strongly worded statement to relevant police HR regarding character and drunk driving - why not?

TooOldforBouncyCastles · 26/12/2020 06:42

@Frannibananni

In our workplace (similar but not police) she would be questioned but really you are reporting with no evidence. So you would be seen as a vindictive trouble maker with a grudge who is possibly is a liar. Honestly no one at work would care who she slept with unless it was illegal. Move on.

This. It won’t make you feel better or undo anything.

The police won’t do anything without evidence of drink driving otherwise loads of criminals with a grudge could make similar claims. Her personal life is not their concern.

pylongazer · 26/12/2020 06:46

They will know about her arrest. Affairs in the police are rife, worse than many other professions. The only thing is drink driving and only if it is currently happening.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 26/12/2020 06:54

I would definitely report drunk driving. I would do it when the incident was happening though, not call and just say she's drink drove before, they won't take that seriously. You need to call 999 when you know she is actually driving drunk.

DeadCertain · 26/12/2020 07:04

@101namesforme Never been a case where I could report and they would not be back at home before I got through to someone though.

If the drink driver you are aware of is still currently doing it, you can report anonymously via Crimestoppers; you don't need to report at the exact moment they are drink driving but detail such as make, model, registration of car, person's name if known place / time most likely to be drink driving etc will give the best chance of them being caught e.g.,

"Bob Smith drives a red Ford Fiesta registration xxxxxx. He drinks in The Bell, Green Street, Green Town, XXX XXX every Saturday and drives home to - address if known - around 10pm. Bob Smith is approx 5ft10in tall, has black hair and a beard".

Porridgeoat · 26/12/2020 07:08

You have no idea if she does her job well or not.

Why not tell your sister that you will report her to the police if you ever catch her drinking and driving and then do it next time she does

theinternetmakesmyeyesfeelsick · 26/12/2020 07:08

Why didn't you, or for that matter, your DM report it at the time

You've answered your own questions in your OP.

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