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Original poster

When is a "normal" age to lose your virginity?

407 replies

goosefats · 25/12/2020 22:28

Name changed because this is something I would not like to follow me around on here, if you please Grin

I was having a little Xmas Zoom call with one of my female friends this evening and we got a little drunk on our (individual) Pinot Grigios, and things started getting a little personal. We began talking about our first times, to which I told her I had sex for the first time at 15. She immediately had a "Shock Oh my GOD, Goosefats!" response which I thought was a little mad as I figured that was a normal age.
According to her, it was far too young and I'm wondering what the general consensus is?

Obviously it's a personal choice, just to preface! I'm just curious as to what age you think is appropriate and what age you'd have a strong response to Grin Relatively light-hearted thread, and please be kind to my friend, she's salt of the Earth but relatively sheltered (bless her heart!). x

OP posts:
PollyDarton1 · 26/12/2020 07:08

This was early 00s by the way. Most of my friends lost it later.

RosesandPumpkins · 26/12/2020 07:17

Yep 15 here. Some of my mates already did it by then but others hadn’t. You can be quite sexually aware at 15 or yo can be quite childlike so I imagine it’s partly related to personality and upbringing too. I imagine some 15 year olds are no where near ready for that

LadyOfTheCanyon · 26/12/2020 07:24

I was a teen in the early eighties at what was considered quite a "rough" school. Lots of chaotic families, not an awful lot of parental supervision or guidance in a lot of cases, or absent parents. Some children in care. It was very very normal for 12-13 year old girls to have acquired older boyfriends in their 20s who had cars who would pick them up after school. That was seen as aspirational and glamorous at the time. We had a couple of 13 year old pregnancies in my year. Whisked out of school and never heard from again.

Looking back of course you think what the hell were we thinking? But it was quite standard behaviour at the time. Moved to a much more solidly middle class school when I was 14 and nothing much had changed apart from the men were driving slightly nicer cars. Most of my friends including myself were sexually active in some form or another from around 13. Certainly all my group of friends had lost their virginity in a PIV sense by the time they were 15.

Pandabuzz · 26/12/2020 07:25

I was 18, at uni. Didn’t feel ready at all until I was 18. DP was 15 and with his first girlfriend (not me). Most of my friendship circle at the were the same age as me, it seemed like the “cool” kids were al has first, but I don’t know how true that was...
One of my closest friends is 23 and she is still a virgin, she has had the chance (but no boyfriends) but just isn’t ready yet.

MrsRogerLima · 26/12/2020 07:37

I was 16 and mad in love 😁 dear reader after 10 years apart and many other mistakes - I married him ❤️

My bestfriend was technically 12. I've told her she needs to stop counting this as her loss of virginity because one of our other friends older brothers forced himself on her 😟

Sunshinedrops85 · 26/12/2020 07:45

I want to wait until I'm married, so I'm still 29 and haven't lost it yet.

I know a friend who lost theirs at 13, the other person was 15. Way too young in my opinion.

I think normal might be over 16-20.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2020 07:55

@goosefats

A word about language though, l consider “lost virginity”, is negative “manspeak”, l don’t consider anything back then was “lost”.

I do (personally) consider it a loss of some kind but I can understand why you would think that. It was just an attempt at terminology that made an easy-to-read title. Of course, many people don't consider it a "loss" by any means and so I hope some new terminology is coined soon that is slightly more interesting than "the first time you had sex" Grin

I think it’s sad we are still talking about losing something in 2020. Having sex for the first time is gaining an experience.... hopefully a positive one.

Misogyny at it’s best. Losing virginity for females, slutty, for males, the prize.

Sunflowergirl1 · 26/12/2020 07:55

@goosefats

*Were those who were "late bloomers" or "early birds" (sorry not trying to compare anyone to worms or birds but here we are) always that way? E.g. did you wait to have your first kiss and then also wait to lose your virginity?

If I could go back and change things, I would have done it very different. Someone could have told me there was no rush!*

First I don't think 15 is the "norm". Clearly some do. I think 16-9 is more the range.

I lost mine at 19. As to the question re kiss and losing my virginity....I had done plenty of kissing but refused to have sex as I had seen it with friends who'd had the experience the guy was just after sex and then got dumped. I held off and figured someone that wanted to date me would wait a little. I was lucky with my first that he was a little older at 24, balanced and fancied me a lot but knew I wasn't going to jump into bed with him straight away. In the end it was two months for various reasons but we went away for the weekend. As a result I look back on losing my virginity with fondness as we had a lovely weekend and my first time was lovely...helped by him being very experienced a d once he knew it was my first time took ages to be sure I was ok and ready

QuantumJump · 26/12/2020 07:56

I was 16, that was in 1990. But now my eldest DC is 15 I'm a bit horrified by the thought!

madcatladyforever · 26/12/2020 07:59

All my friends did it around 15, 16, I was never interested in sex so for me it was 20 and I got pregnant the first time I did it. Son is now 40.

hopefulhalf · 26/12/2020 08:00

Great thread so much of this resonates with me. I find the historical perspective facinating and tallies well with the stories on here (teenage pregnancy reaching a peak in the mid 80's). The "average" age has now risen to 18 now from 16 25 years ago so whether 15 was very young really depends on your age. I am 45 and had sex at 16 (maybe a couple of months before). I remember wanting to get it out of the way I think I was on the young side of average, but nearly everyone I knew had had sex before going to University at 18. Middle class liberal area where boyfriend/ girl friends staying over in the parental home was very normalised.

hopefulhalf · 26/12/2020 08:02

And snogging from 13/14.

Livinghereisok · 26/12/2020 08:04

I was 16, first boyfriend. I gained a lot of independence in sixth form as I made new friends and started going out to parties and pubs so the opportunity was suddenly there. I think about half my friends lost their virginity in sixth form, the other half in the first year at uni. Only a small number of girls were obviously having sex in my high school, generally those with older boyfriends.

Pinkyandthebrainz · 26/12/2020 08:06
  1. 13-17 norm in my circle.
TheGoogleMum · 26/12/2020 08:06

I was 18 but felt like I was later than most! DH was 14 which feels way too young now (not with me).

Magissa · 26/12/2020 08:07

I had just turned 15. At a party with an older boy I had just met. I honestly thought I had to, that it was normal to just do that. It wasn't a decision because no thought went into it. My best friend had sex at 14 with her 17 year old boyfriend. Maybe I was influenced by her.

Fressia123 · 26/12/2020 08:10

I was almost 24!! With my first boyfriend. I think I would have done it from 16.

SimonJT · 26/12/2020 08:18

Most of my school friends were in sixthform, although one was only 14 as was his girlfriend, they’re now married with a toddler, which is lovely but very unusual as they were so young when they started dating.

I was 26, for me sex is something that should only be happening in a loving monogamous relationship.

I don’t know how old my partner was, but I know it was when he was still at boarding school, so he would have be 17 at the very oldest.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/12/2020 08:28

I was "late" to have sex but I think quite normal in terms of kissing etc, I had my first kiss (proper snog, tongues etc) at almost 15.

I think I was more confident about saying no to boyfriends in my teens and have no regrets whatsoever. I knew it was something important, and not something I wanted to rush. I was aware that once you've done it you can't undo it.

Quite a lot of uni friends who lost virginity earlier (at 15 or 16 especially) regretted it - many said it had been crap, or that they had been pressured into it and didn't really want to. I think there are some people for whom it's ok that age but some who aren't ready. Thats why 16 is the minimum age under the law, it's not like you have to race to get it out of the way on your birthday.

I hope DD & DS are brave enough to say no until they feel properly ready.

RememberSelfCompassion · 26/12/2020 08:29

I was of the loving monogamous relationship line and had naiively thought my duaghters would be the same. I'm fine with when that age is, but had hoped they'd have been togther and loved another rather than something they regret or got it over with.

I am rethinking a lot after this thread though! Our house is tiny and there's no way we'd have boyfriends over for sex wihout everyone hearing.

Fatladyslim · 26/12/2020 08:38

I was 16 and I deeply regret it now.

AnaisNun · 26/12/2020 08:38

I was 17 with a much older boyfriend, and it was DREADFUL.
Wish I’d waited (or done it sooner with the very nice boy my own age who asked me the year before).

Middersweekly · 26/12/2020 08:40

I was 15. I would say that was pretty average in my all girls school. Most classmates between 14-16. My brother was also 14 or 15 I think. DH was 18 and his Brother similar. His 2 sisters...one was around 24 and that was with her now DH and the other is 30 and still hasn’t DTD. My DD’s 15 and 17 haven’t and the older is gay and hasn’t had a LT GF yet. I actually think the average age is older now than it was when we were teens. They have much more information at their fingertips these days and also other means of entertainment also many more people are into health and fitness.

cactusisblooming · 26/12/2020 09:07

I remember starting secondary school and asking a girl beside me if she had done anything interesting in the summer (expecting holiday news!). She told me yeah, she lost her virginity. We were 11/12, he was 18 and dumped her afterwards because "people might slag him for the age difference" Shock This was a grammar school in mid 90s and definitely not the norm. Most of my friends were still virgins when we left school.

grisen · 26/12/2020 09:36

@goosefats

I was probably 12 or 13. Certainly younger than 14. But do people actually remember their first time? It wasn’t that long ago, mid 20’s here but I can’t even remember where we were, only the guy and we dated for 6 or 7 years!

How do you feel about this experience in retrospect, @grisen?

It’s just normal to me, I don’t regret it nor would I change it given the chance. But I don’t remember it, but neither do I remember my first kiss, or the date I got engaged or married.
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