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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When is a "normal" age to lose your virginity?

407 replies

goosefats · 25/12/2020 22:28

Name changed because this is something I would not like to follow me around on here, if you please

I was having a little Xmas Zoom call with one of my female friends this evening and we got a little drunk on our (individual) Pinot Grigios, and things started getting a little personal. We began talking about our first times, to which I told her I had sex for the first time at 15. She immediately had a " Oh my GOD, Goosefats!" response which I thought was a little mad as I figured that was a normal age.
According to her, it was far too young and I'm wondering what the general consensus is?

Obviously it's a personal choice, just to preface! I'm just curious as to what age you think is appropriate and what age you'd have a strong response to Relatively light-hearted thread, and please be kind to my friend, she's salt of the Earth but relatively sheltered (bless her heart!). x

OP posts:

RacheyCat · 26/12/2020 09:44

I was 16 when I first had PIV sex, but I'd been having extremely fulfilling sexual experiences with various boys from the age of 14. I know we class losing your virginity as when you're penetrated by a penis, but now I'm older I kind of feel like my earlier sexual experiences were just as significant, if not more so.

StarlightLady · 26/12/2020 09:53

I’ve commented previously that it was around my 15th birthday, although l can’t recall if l was 14 or 15 at the time. I didn’t get the memo to say l had to record it on a tablet of stone.

If l had my time again (40s now), l think l would have got started (same boy) just a little earlier. One supportive(!) MN “sister” once said they had names for girls like me when they were at school.

Interestingly around that time, l used to do what we called “kissing practice” with some close (girl) friends, although l never questioned my sexuality.

Forward wind to my 30s: l was beautifully and deliciously seduced by another woman; it was a huge surprise and a renaissance. I have not gone for one specific gender since. That said, l prefer to see myself as “sexual” rather than have a prefix label.

AliasGrape · 26/12/2020 09:57

I was 15, as were most of my friends or thereabouts. Say 15-17 for most of my friends though there were certainly some who were having sex younger, and some who waited longer. It was an all girls school but I seem to remember the boys everyone was doing it with tended to be a year or two older, as was the case with me. Early/ mid 90s. What’s quite depressing is how many of us had much older boyfriends - it wasn’t even seen as that shocking then! One girl was ‘engaged’ to a 30 year old whilst we were still at school. My second piv experience was with a 25 year old ‘boyfriend’ whilst I was still 15.

I just remember wanting to do it and get it over with. My best friend at the time was the same. We both had boyfriends who were friends too and we arranged to get it done on the same night It wasn’t a great experience, I didn’t particularly like the boy even, I broke it off with him a few days after because I thought he’d expect me to do it again and I was determined not to do it again. What silly girls we were. In fairness there was an awful lot going on in my home life and I had to grow up pretty quick, but looking back it wasn’t grown up at all!

I don’t regret it in the sense I feel scarred for life, but it’s not what I’d want for my dd.

saywhatwhatnow · 26/12/2020 09:58

I was 15, and many of my friends were between 15-18 in the mid 00s. Definitely most had had sex before they went to Uni.

DrDreReturns · 26/12/2020 10:14

I was 19 but I went to a boy's school and had limited opportunity to meet girls. I'd liked to have had sex earlier

Nottherealslimshady · 26/12/2020 10:20

I was 18 but most people I knew were alot younger. There were girls in my school pregnant before 16!

TangledLights · 26/12/2020 10:23

I was 15 (in the 90s) and 15/16 was the norm for most people I knew. My mum even came to Brook with me to get the pill and free condoms 😆

It sounds really young to me now. Least I was sensible, though!

HappydaysArehere · 26/12/2020 10:23

In 1960 I was almost 19 and had just got married. Ridiculous I know.

TwoShades1 · 26/12/2020 10:28

Boyfriend was also 16, it was his first time too. I would say anything between 15 and 18 is “normal”.

QueenieButcher · 26/12/2020 10:44

I was 18, and it was summer fling after my A-levels. I was desperate to get it out the way before I went to Uni.
DD was 16, Year 12 and in an established relationship. But being at a girls school, they didn't know many boys and from what she has said, I believe that some of her friends are still virgins at 18-19. I certainly don't think many / any of them had done it before they turned 16.

Crowsandshivers · 26/12/2020 10:49

Just turned 17.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 26/12/2020 11:12

Most of my friends were 15-18. One of my friends was quite mature and an early developer and lost it at 14 and a few didn't until the uni years.

MissCalamity · 26/12/2020 11:44

Most of my friends were 16/17.

I was almost 17, I wanted to get it out of the way it was with someone completely unsuitable and he was quite a bit of a prick.

Caramel81 · 26/12/2020 11:46

I was 14 almost 15 and the first out of all of my friends. Most of them were between 15-17. I don’t think there were any who hadn’t by 17 (this was in the early 2000’s)

Wandafishcake · 26/12/2020 11:47

Well I was 27 lol but most of my friends were around 18.

ACanOfWormZ · 26/12/2020 11:55

I’d say 15 or 16

beautifulmonument · 26/12/2020 11:59

I was 16 which I would have guessed was pretty average. That was in 2000.
My DH lost his in the mid 90s when he was only about 13 or 14

VestaTilley · 26/12/2020 12:39

It’s very young, and I’d be very concerned and upset if I had a DD who was sexually active at that age- it’s illegal for one thing; you’re still legally a child.

I was 18, and at uni. It was with a good looking guy who - as we can all relate - turned out to be a dickhead and just wanted to shag a fresher. I sort of regret it but as I didn’t end up having a proper boyfriend until 24 (short things and flings before hand) I’m glad I hadn’t left it that long.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/12/2020 12:47

"
I prefer “gained womanhood” as a positive interpretation."

So an adult virgin is not a woman and a 13 year old who's had sex is a woman?

the80sweregreat · 26/12/2020 12:53

I was 21 and very late to the game too.
My friends were much younger than me.
I knew someone who was about 14 ( nearly 15) and I thought that was too young ( and he was older)
I've only ever slept with one person and people find that amusing too .. ( lots of reasons plus my parents were very old fashioned and disapproved of sex before marriage , so it had an influence on my attitude to sex in general)

BlueSkies2020 · 26/12/2020 13:26

In my circles (middle class, state school education), 18 was about the average but some people were a bit earlier around 15/16 and some a little later (early 20s).

chubbyhotchoc · 26/12/2020 13:48

20 here but doing everything but from about 17

cactusisblooming · 26/12/2020 13:53

at the "gained womanhood" interpretation. How utterly ridiculous.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/12/2020 13:57

I was 15 and my boyfriend was the same age. Most people I know lost theirs between 14-17.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 26/12/2020 14:04

@cactusisblooming

at the "gained womanhood" interpretation. How utterly ridiculous.

Indeed. Men also lose their virginities. It's not as if women lose something and men gain something, which would be a sexist distinction.

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