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Original poster

When is a "normal" age to lose your virginity?

407 replies

goosefats · 25/12/2020 22:28

Name changed because this is something I would not like to follow me around on here, if you please Grin

I was having a little Xmas Zoom call with one of my female friends this evening and we got a little drunk on our (individual) Pinot Grigios, and things started getting a little personal. We began talking about our first times, to which I told her I had sex for the first time at 15. She immediately had a "Shock Oh my GOD, Goosefats!" response which I thought was a little mad as I figured that was a normal age.
According to her, it was far too young and I'm wondering what the general consensus is?

Obviously it's a personal choice, just to preface! I'm just curious as to what age you think is appropriate and what age you'd have a strong response to Grin Relatively light-hearted thread, and please be kind to my friend, she's salt of the Earth but relatively sheltered (bless her heart!). x

OP posts:
tiredqueen · 26/12/2020 00:14

17 for me

Stepinside · 26/12/2020 00:17

From Ireland, it’s a very common thing for teenagers to take that step at music festivals. We typically have a few big events in the summer months, first time away from home without parents. In my case I did it just because everyone else was, all my friends, etc. Sometimes it was OK, sometimes not (entitled boys) ... looking back I don’t really feel comfortable with it. I know of some instances that would probably considered rape. I’d seen a related thread off craicnet on MN so might post there too.

It’s a big step from groping, fingering to full intercourse.

CuteBear · 26/12/2020 00:17

@grisen

I was probably 12 or 13. Certainly younger than 14. But do people actually remember their first time? It wasn’t that long ago, mid 20’s here but I can’t even remember where we were, only the guy and we dated for 6 or 7 years!
Were you both the same age? My boyfriend was 13 (I didn’t know him back then, only met him in our early 20s). He lost it with a girl who was also 13. I was shocked when he told me. Seems too young. I was 16, but didn’t consent.
MaudHatter · 26/12/2020 00:20

15 is too young . I was almost 22 . No regrets .

Stepinside · 26/12/2020 00:21

To be specific for me, I had sex at 18 at music festivals a few times (certainly not rape, but more peer pressure). First time in a meaningful relationship was the following year in 1st year college.

The Craicnet thread I referred to

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/craicnet/4089479-Irish-Times-Almost-15-of-Irish-adults-have-been-raped

Janonomouse · 26/12/2020 00:21

Apparently 18 is the average in the UK. 15 seems in the normal range to me, anecdotally.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/12/2020 00:22

@Janonomouse

Apparently 18 is the average in the UK. 15 seems in the normal range to me, anecdotally.
18 is probably for boys and girls combined though so likely to be younger for girls.
KeepSmiling89 · 26/12/2020 00:23

I was 19. My boyfriend at the time was 17 and it was his first time as well.
It's different for everyone I guess...legally should be 16 I think but, more generally, when both parties are ready and not pressured into anything.

Leviaot · 26/12/2020 00:24

I was 14.

Leviaot · 26/12/2020 00:24

13*, sorry.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 26/12/2020 00:26

I was 20. I’d had a boyfriend at 16 who I would have lost it to, but he dumped me before I got the chance. I was pretty heartbroken. Then at 18 next boyfriend was so pathologically terrified of getting me pregnant he refused to have penetrative sex. Both these men were much older. Finally lost it with my next bf at 20, we were together for 8 years and it was lovely, I’m glad it was with him, I always wanted it to be with a proper boyfriend rather than a one night stand.

Leviaot · 26/12/2020 00:27

Also, he was 16. But I wasn't his first.

DeRigueurMortis · 26/12/2020 00:28

For me it was a week before my 19th birthday.

I was unusually "late" compared to friends who were generally 17.

Tbh I should have held out longer Grin.

It was shit (BF of 6 months 3 years older).

Thankfully not shit enough to put me off sex forever but certainly enough for me to wonder what the big deal was for a few years (not lack of experience on his part just a wham bam not even thank you mam Hmm).

Only really "got" what it was all about when I met DH....Grin.

Sweettea1 · 26/12/2020 00:28

15 don't regret it and stayed with same person for 10 years. Altho it freaks me out a little as our child is 13 so I panic alittle about what they will be getting up to in next couple of years.

Nowaynothappening · 26/12/2020 00:29

I was 16. One of DH’s friends was 13 and he lost it to an older girl which just makes it a bit more grim.

moresoap · 26/12/2020 00:32

DP was 13 and DS was also 13 . i was 14 when lost mine to him 3 years later. Yes you are reading that right!! We have been together ever since .

Stepinside · 26/12/2020 00:32

Some of these posts resonate bad sex. There’s almost another thread if the sex was good, if you came. For me I had sex at a festival a few times, was not great, met this guy, was not so into it or him, but he knew what to do Blush Never saw him again!

MrsDiplo · 26/12/2020 00:35

I was 15 and had been in a relationship with him for a year. Were together until we were 17 and I dont regret it or the person. However now I have DC that age and I would be (secretly) shocked if they lost their virginity at their age. I feel my childrens upbringings and home lives are very different to mine.

waterlego · 26/12/2020 00:51

I was 17, and I think that was the average at the time (though I imagine it’s difficult to gather accurate statistics). I thought I read a few years ago that this was still the average age- though I don’t know if that was just girls or girls and boys.

Unicant · 26/12/2020 01:01

I was 16.
I think its different for everyone and if you felt ready and were happy with that experience then no its not too young.. its within the realms of normality if on the lower side... id say 14 and below is 'young'... under 13 id find very worrying... 16 seems normal to me but that's because that was when I lost mine... but some people don't have sex until their early twenties and thats totally normal too.
I have absolutely no regrets about losing my virginity at 16, its a lovely memory. I was in a relationship and my boyfriend was a year older than me and also a virgin. I was in my bedroom at home (my parents were away) it was romantic and I was happy.

VulvaPerson · 26/12/2020 01:03

I was 15. My sister was 16. Brother 14.

Seems about 'average' from talking to friends really.

IdblowJonSnow · 26/12/2020 01:06

I think for females 15 to 17 is average.
Some of my friends had sex at the ages of 12 to 13 which is way too young imo.
Just because 16 is legal does not mean that's the average!

AKissAndASmile · 26/12/2020 01:09

Eek, 15 to me seems way too young. At that age I only knew of three in the year that admitted to doing it. Those who did kind of bragged about it, but I suppose loads more might have secretly done it. Girls' school.

TaraR2020 · 26/12/2020 01:17

I think it's worth pointing out that people do lie about the age at which they lost their virginity. Maybe not as adults, but I know a few people who pretended as teenagers they'd lost it when in reality they waited until they felt more ready.

They admitted it when they were older and more comfortable with who they are. It's a way for some to deal with the peer pressure.

cabbageking · 26/12/2020 01:27

I think people lie about it and it is therefore more likely to be older than younger.

Clearly there are always some who will be much younger but I don' t think these are the norm.

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