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Original poster

When is a "normal" age to lose your virginity?

407 replies

goosefats · 25/12/2020 22:28

Name changed because this is something I would not like to follow me around on here, if you please Grin

I was having a little Xmas Zoom call with one of my female friends this evening and we got a little drunk on our (individual) Pinot Grigios, and things started getting a little personal. We began talking about our first times, to which I told her I had sex for the first time at 15. She immediately had a "Shock Oh my GOD, Goosefats!" response which I thought was a little mad as I figured that was a normal age.
According to her, it was far too young and I'm wondering what the general consensus is?

Obviously it's a personal choice, just to preface! I'm just curious as to what age you think is appropriate and what age you'd have a strong response to Grin Relatively light-hearted thread, and please be kind to my friend, she's salt of the Earth but relatively sheltered (bless her heart!). x

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 25/12/2020 23:46

I was 18 in first term of uni & just felt like I needed to get it over with.
Most friends were 17/18 but I think other girls in my year were younger.
First kiss probably 15/16? I was quite shy & geeky looking. Got contact lenses & that helped.
I feel like 13 is really young. I was nowhere near ready at 13.

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 25/12/2020 23:46

@indemMUND

15 but a friend of mine was 12 when she did it. I was so shocked when she told me. Even more so now with a young DD of my own.
Honestly I think a child of 12 who is having sex is being abused in some way. Either neglected, groomed, sexually abused or whatever else is going on in their life. How sad.
Gwenhwyfar · 25/12/2020 23:47

When I was young in the '90s 16 was the average for girls and a bit older for boys. However, the legal age was still 16 so obviously you can argue that 15 is too young.
It varied hugely among groups. I don't know of anyone who was younger than 14. There may well have been some, but I think there would have been suspicions of abuse by a much older man in those cases. There were also girls who were 14 and 15 who had men in their younger twenties as boyfriends. That was seen as bad by adults at the time, but not particularly shocking to other teens at school.
Then, there was a group who lost it around 16, but none of my friends lost it until 18+ and friends I've met later in life have also included plenty who were virgins until adulthood. So early twenties is really not uncommon either.
I was older again, but that really was outside the norm.

Original poster
goosefats · 25/12/2020 23:47

I had forgotten the whole trope of being 'desperate' until I saw it mentioned on this thread but it resonates.

A very powerful incentive, unfortunately.
Seems kind of mad in retrospect but at the time (for me anyway) it was pretty all-consuming in terms of identity.

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 25/12/2020 23:48

I was 19 and in my first year at university.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/12/2020 23:49

@DownstairsMixUp

I think the average is 17 in the U.K. which sounds about right as if I asked a group of friends I'd say there's a good mix between ages 15-20 in our group so 17 sounds right
That's for boys and girls though isn't it, so the average for girls is quite likely to be younger.
Cheers2That · 25/12/2020 23:50

14, looking back I was far too young.
My younger sister told me at 15 she hadn’t even kissed a boy and didn’t seem interested at all. Now she’s 20 she’s admitted she lost it at 13 and had some very colourful experiences

Cherrycee · 25/12/2020 23:51

@DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow Same. In my friend group the ages ranged from 18-25, most were in their early twenties. Maybe on the late side, but I don't think we were massively unusual.

No way was I ready by 15 and I honestly couldn't understand anyone who was. The idea scared the shit out of me.

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 25/12/2020 23:52

Average age is likely to be affected by the very young and the elder people- eg someone is over 30 is going to skew the average up and someone who is under 15 will skew it down.

Dreamymcdreamer · 25/12/2020 23:52

I was just turned 15. Most of my friends were 15 too but 14 wasn't unusual.

So I'd say 14 isn't unusual, 15-16 is the norm. 17 and up seems late to me.

MaverickDanger · 25/12/2020 23:52

I was 20 and it was with now DH so I’m glad I waited, but at the time I felt abnormal.

Most of my friends were 17/18, but the high school I went to was in a town notorious for teen pregnancies.

In our year group of 130, there were 16 babies born by the time we sat our GCSEs. I knew three women on their third baby before I had even had sex.

grisen · 25/12/2020 23:53

I was probably 12 or 13. Certainly younger than 14. But do people actually remember their first time? It wasn’t that long ago, mid 20’s here but I can’t even remember where we were, only the guy and we dated for 6 or 7 years!

bwfcchick88 · 25/12/2020 23:55

I was 17 - was also very sheltered. We've been married 9 years now.

Original poster
goosefats · 25/12/2020 23:55

I was probably 12 or 13. Certainly younger than 14. But do people actually remember their first time? It wasn’t that long ago, mid 20’s here but I can’t even remember where we were, only the guy and we dated for 6 or 7 years!

How do you feel about this experience in retrospect, @grisen?

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 25/12/2020 23:56

" the 16-year-olds tending to be in long term relationships."

How can a 16-year old be in a long-term relationship? More than two weeks is long term at that age.

janetmendoza · 25/12/2020 23:59

27 And no regrets. Dated only chancers or weirdos before then, so happy to have waited. Been with dh 31 years now.

CuteBear · 26/12/2020 00:03

I’d say 16-19 is average, but under 15 isn’t. Maybe 15 if both people are 15 and in their last year of secondary.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/12/2020 00:03

There were groups at my school, the ones who lost it at 14-15 were the rebellious ones at school, the ones who lost it around 16 were something in the middle, trying to be 'cool', the ones who lost it at 18+ were the goody-goody studious types. They were never going to be cool anyway so I don't think the 'stigma' of the 'big V' was as much of a big thing as it was for the cool girls who wanted to get it over and done with as soon as it was legal. I think going away to uni also provided the opportunity for more serious relationships than would have been possible for school age children in a semi-rural community where it's difficult to get around.

[I'm using cool, in the normal school sense here, not in the way MN sometimes uses the term 'cool girl']

SirVixofVixHall · 26/12/2020 00:03

23 . Most of my friends were between 18 and 20. The only one in our group who was under 16 was raped, so not sex as such.

VienneseWhirligig · 26/12/2020 00:05

grisen I thought it was pretty standard to remember your first time? I remember almost every detail, it wasn't that brilliant but I have only ever had sex with 3 men so it does stand out in the memory. I'm in my 40s.

garlictwist · 26/12/2020 00:07

I was 22 Blush. My other half was 13 (male). I find this shocking but he just says he was mature for his age.

Ps in case it's not clear, we did not lose our respective virginities together.

BiBabbles · 26/12/2020 00:09

I was 15 - rushed into it after a 4 months relationship with a handsy boyfriend and largely years of BS social messages, particularly being told disabled girls like me being really unlikely to ever date and we have to prove we're not burdens/have to keep up with everyone or we'll be abandoned. We fizzled out about 6 months after that, and I jumped into a lot of physical relationships for the next couple of years. It took me a bit to unlearn a lot of that shite.

Me-then definitively felt old enough, now-me knows I was kidding myself, but making the best of shitty situation - so love starved I was making a lot of mistakes to find and feel something nice. I don't remember my first kiss but it was years before that, way back in early elementary.

My spouse was 19, has no regrets though thinks it might have been better to wait a few more weeks and savoured the other steps along the way more (he did not date much, had his first kiss maybe a year before that with someone else).

Deadringer · 26/12/2020 00:09

I was 17 but that was a long time ago. My dd is 17 and i am pretty sure she is still a virgin though.

Branleuse · 26/12/2020 00:11

I was 16. I very much wanted to.
I think 15 is young but hardly shockingly so

Original poster
goosefats · 26/12/2020 00:13

*...and I jumped into a lot of physical relationships for the next couple of years. It took me a bit to unlearn a lot of that shite.

Me-then definitively felt old enough, now-me knows I was kidding myself, but making the best of shitty situation - so love starved I was making a lot of mistakes to find and feel something nice*

Everything you've said rings so true to me, @BiBabbles. I have no idea how to prevent this train of thought ( / pattern of behaviours) in my future DC, it actually causes me quite a lot of worry. I don't want anyone else to ever have to feel like this!

OP posts: