When is a "normal" age to lose your virginity?

[goosefats]

Name changed because this is something I would not like to follow me around on here, if you please

I was having a little Xmas Zoom call with one of my female friends this evening and we got a little drunk on our (individual) Pinot Grigios, and things started getting a little personal. We began talking about our first times, to which I told her I had sex for the first time at 15. She immediately had a " Oh my GOD, Goosefats!" response which I thought was a little mad as I figured that was a normal age.
According to her, it was far too young and I'm wondering what the general consensus is?

Obviously it's a personal choice, just to preface! I'm just curious as to what age you think is appropriate and what age you'd have a strong response to Relatively light-hearted thread, and please be kind to my friend, she's salt of the Earth but relatively sheltered (bless her heart!). x

Im really glad I didn't while I was still at school tbh.

Were people sleeping over at friends houses then... I cant imagine having sex with schoollids in my parents house!

Im v aware I'm the odd one out here!!! Even though I wasnt unusual in my little world at the time

I had my first kiss at 14 which was definitely very late amongst my friends. Similarly to losing my virginity I kissed someone I didn’t particularly like just to get the first time out of the way.

@ChronicallyCurious

I think it might be regional. I grew up in a rough area and I was 14, as were many of my friends and some were even 13. There is a high rate of underage pregnancy where I grew up and I think it is due to a lack of education on sex IMO. Looking back I was far too young.

Same as this...looking back I was far far too young between 13/14 but from a rough area and mixing with the wrong crowd. I went off the rails between the ages of 12-15 before finally settling down..I was "doing" sexual things forplay etc around age 12 which makes me feel quite sick now I think about it

I was nearly 17, boyfriend at the time was 19..that seemed pretty average.
I know 3/4 of my kids were 15 (didn't know it at the time..they are adults now) the 4th has autism and it's unlikely to happen.

I was 13!

I was 15 when I had full sex for the first time, I don't regret it as I had been with my boyfriend at the time for a while.

I had done other things with boys earlier though, probably from around 14. I think 15/16/17 was normal for most of my friends but most of them were in relationships.

I was just 19, but most of my friends had lost theirs at 15-16.

Wow. My eldest is 12 😬. I think she currently thinks boys are ick though so who knows.

@goosefats

This is unrelated to my OP, but I was having a think about the night I lost my virginity (which was subsequently also the night I had my first kiss - insecure desperation at it's finest!)

Were those who were "late bloomers" or "early birds" (sorry not trying to compare anyone to worms or birds but here we are) always that way? E.g. did you wait to have your first kiss and then also wait to lose your virginity?

If I could go back and change things, I would have done it very different. Someone could have told me there was no rush!

Not for me. I'd kissed plenty on nights out. My issue was I didn't have a boyfriend in school and I could hardly take someone back to the family home 🤣 i went on a girls holiday abroad at 18 and nearly lost my virginity but chickened out. I then lost it in uni, first term. I didn't regret it, even though it was a 1 (or 2 actually) night thing. Fun times. I come from an area where teenage pregnancy is quite rare and I would say the average that I found (18.3) fits well with where I grew up.

I was 16 - I regret it looking back and wish it had been with someone my own age, rather than someone twice my age.

I was 17. DH was 19.

I grew up in a ‘nice’ area and would consider 15-18 normal, would say 16/17 was most common amongst my friends.

Wow. My eldest is 12 😬. I think she currently thinks boys are ick though so who knows.

I will keep you in my prayers that that continues for another 5+ years

did you wait to have your first kiss and then also wait to lose your virginity?

I was 29 and 30 I was always awkward, and cycled through phases of ‘no one will ever want me’, ‘I don’t know how to, so best not to try or I’ll be humiliated’ and ‘I’ve came this far, no point doing it with someone I don’t really like’.

It was a horrible time for me, tbh. The loneliness and feelings of complete isolation were really tough to handle.

I'm Dutch. 15 is young over there, average sits at around 17. I was 19 and that wasn't abnormal at all.

My DDs are almost 18 and almost 20 and I haven't asked. DD1 is single and always has been, DD2 is in a long term gay relationship (2+ years) and I'd be surprised if they weren't having sex by now. But it's up to them.

I'm so sorry that you felt lonely @thechristmaseatinghasstarted. I bet you're absolutely lovely though! How do you feel about the experience now?

(Just from personal experience) at the time I thought it was so soul-crushingly embarrassing to be a virgin despite being a literal child, whereas with what I know now I could have waited a longer time for the right person and been happier. Still, that's part of the curse of growing up I guess!

I'm 27 and still a virgin. Many people would probably say that's not normal but I don't really care.

I was a late starter at 20😂

@ChronicallyCurious

I think it might be regional. I grew up in a rough area and I was 14, as were many of my friends and some were even 13. There is a high rate of underage pregnancy where I grew up and I think it is due to a lack of education on sex IMO. Looking back I was far too young.

Not so sure about this. I grew up in Chiswick and my friends were doing it in the loos at Chiswick school. They were all pretty MC.

As for waiting for first kiss, no. We’d all been ‘getting off with boys’ from 14 onwards and doing more intimate stuff progressively. None of us leapt in from no experience to the full shebang.

In the early 90s with my friends there was a spread between 13 and 20. Personally 18. I have no regrets. Opinions with my friend group was the earlier the more regrettable. I have noted that the friends who were sexually active earlier are more puritanical as parents now. Those who waited longer are much more laid back about their kids’ sex lives

I think it depends on your circumstances and often whether you have a steady boyfriend. Generally anywhere from 15 to 19 is guess is 'normal'. I think the younger end tend to have less causal sex, or at least the many moons ago when I was a teen.

I don't think it's "not normal" with those connotations at all, @Fieldofyellowflowers! If I'm very honest I'm much more impressed by people who ignore social expectation in preference for what they actually want. I think it takes strength of character, and I know I only lost my virginity because I thought it was expected rather than desired.

Whew, that Pinot did a number on me it seems

I was 15 & my husband was 21. (His first time was with me) I guess it depends on when you feel ready? Its a big thing. I cried after. I remember feeling very emotional.

I was 16. I thought that was early, tbh I don't think I was ready. I just had an 'amazing' boyfriend who I didn't want to let down or lose. Says it all really doesn't it...