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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many friends you’ve got

166 replies

Tellmelies65 · 25/12/2020 19:57

I’ve got one friend that I could tell everything to. A childhood friend. A few others but definitely still under ten in total. I’m in my late 40’s.

OP posts:
ParlezVousWronglais · 26/12/2020 00:11

@isawthatt

3 good friends
Same. I don’t feel so odd now.
Gwenhwyfar · 26/12/2020 00:20

Define friend please.
Even then I probably won't be able to answer as I quite often can't tell the difference between friends and acquaintances. I also find that before I leave somewhere, I don't know which of my friends and acquaintances will keep in touch.

BluebellCockleshell123 · 26/12/2020 00:23

I’m mid 40s and although I have lots of acquaintances, I’d say I probably only 4-5 friends I’d be happy sharing everything with. Apart from friends I’m closest with my sister & sister in laws so can always always count on them. I think I’m lucky.

TrinityWaves · 26/12/2020 01:30

8 good friends - very close friends I'm in regular contact with or would see a lot if it weren't for covid. 4 are from childhood, 4 I met as an adult.

Probably about the same number again I see more infrequently (around once a year).

Many acquaintances I see at work, on schools runs etc that I'm very friendly with but I wouldn't class as friends as I personally see a friend as someone you would see or talk to outside these places., not including FB.

Bouledeneige · 26/12/2020 02:04

I'm a bit of an expert on friendships, well-being and loneliness abs isolation. The average person has 5-6 close friends and then 10-15 looser friendships etc.

I'd say I have 7 who I could talk to about anything and then a wider circle of about another 6 or 7. My closest friend I met at school when I was 9 and we've been through thick and thin together. We are now in our mud 50s and have both had a very difficult time with our teens recently. Walks with her ( and her husband too) have meant everything to me this year as I am now in my own with my two DC at uni. I'd say lockdown has intensified my friendships through a lot of local walks.

Yukay · 26/12/2020 02:10

Two, they both live in other countries though now, so it's whatsapp/discord chats these days rather than in person

readingismycardio · 26/12/2020 05:48

About 2-3. Late twenties

soopedup · 26/12/2020 05:56

I have 3 friends that I would call up and see for a coffee and who would send me a card on my birthday. About 6 acquaintances. I realised that I didn’t have as many friends as I thought when my kids started school and I’ve found it very very hard to make and keep friends. I’ve had 2 Christmas cards from friends. Very few happy Christmas messages. I’m aware I need to make new friends but I don’t know how to do it. My self esteem has been crushed by a bad marriage. Those of you who have lots of friends, how did you make them? What is a sociable hobby that I could take up to make new friends?

Peanutbutterblood · 26/12/2020 07:20

I have a best friend who I've known the longest and could spill any secret or thought and she wouldn't judge in the slightest. I've got 3 other friends who I'm very very close to but I know theres a little something I'm keeping back

2020 has made me realise that the next "tier" are more acquaintances, theres probably 10 people in there. They're still friends but I'm happy to see them when I see them rather then trying to make effort. I've also realised there are one or two at this level who really arent friends and I should rid myself of them

SpiderinaWingMirror · 26/12/2020 07:44

I suppose 3 That I could tell all to. 2 from childhood, one I met at work 20 years ago.
Then another 4 from childhood I've kept in touch with, meet up 3 times a year/go away for big birthdays.
Moved a couple of years ago. Only 1 proper friend here that I met at a hobby. People im friendly with at work (but not friends ifyswim)

SpiderinaWingMirror · 26/12/2020 07:44

I'm early 50s

sanityisamyth · 26/12/2020 08:11

I'd say 2 really good friends that I could turn to in an emergency. Probably 10-15 that would help if push came to shove.

FippertyGibbett · 26/12/2020 08:12

...

fizzyp0p · 26/12/2020 08:13

One

CountFosco · 26/12/2020 08:14

I have lots of friends but being a grown up I no longer have the intense friendships you have as a teenager or in your early 20s that some people are describing here. DH is the one I talk to about everything, between work and children I can't maintain that level of a relationship with other people as well but don't need to either. I have an old workmate who is also now a neighbour who I'd call in a crisis due to reliability and proximity but we don't spend hours talking every week. TBH if any neighbour asked me for help in a proper crisis I'd help, who wouldn't? It's not actually that great a test of friendship, most people are decent and would do what was needed in the handful of occasions that was needed (I'm thinking of death, early labour, house burning down situations etc).

My family and best friends from school and university live a long way away and so we don't see each other regularly but when we do it's lovely. I have lots of friends locally but we met as adults so the friendships are not demanding but e.g. we easily filled the house when we had a party last year. This year has been hard as well, not seeing people as much. Can't wait to get back to the office and be able to have parties again.

lomojojo · 26/12/2020 09:12

IDK, say... five that I could move in with if I had to, ten more I could be vulnerable with, and then it's just tiers of people I know from one thing of another - couldn't count them. Some of that is that I'm part of a hobby group/ worldwide conspiracy that means I know a lot of people a little bit, and they all know me a bit, so you end up having a bed in every port, sort of thing.

thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2020 09:58

SheldonesqueIsUnwell

I can completely get why you'd be wary of trusting someone in a romantic relationship -- I've been in an abusive marriage so that makes sense to me.

But I don't understand why people are so scared of, and distrusting of, the idea of friendship. Surely the whole point about friends is that because there is no romantic relationship, no sexual jealousy and all the bad things which go with that, its a purer and more honest relationship?

I've read loads of women on these boards saying, more or less "I don't need friends because I have my DH/DP". Which seems bonkers to me. Even in the very strongest relationship, its insane to put all your eggs in one basket. But just from an emotional perspective I simply don't understand how someone can trust someone they are sleeping with more than someone who is independent and doesn't have skin in the game... I would far rather trust someone who I don't have a romantic connection to than someone who had a vested interest in getting me into bed.

ThisTooShallBe · 27/12/2020 18:53

I’m really surprised at how many friends I have as I put no real effort into them, unless they are on their own and struggling. Maybe 25 or so? Friends are the icing on the cake of life, family, work and pets are my main focus. But my friends are fun and it’s refreshing to spend time with them.

lastnightthemooncame · 27/12/2020 20:03

One that I can hang out with occasionally. 2 social media 'friends' (may be aquaintanciies, not sure how to define). No partner or contact with family, siblings etc. Its pretty shit for the ego & my mental health is poor... & sometimes its okay. The worst thing is, and there are a lot of us, because of covid, social skills worsening & getting more & more hermit like. I try not to feel shame or like it's my fault, that seems important, but I know isolated people can cause discomfort & suspicion in others.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 28/12/2020 03:19

No best friend,she died, sadly.

My sister. Love her to bits.

Lots of friends and colleagues, but none of them a bestie. I doubt I will make another best friend.

partyatthepalace · 28/12/2020 14:05

3 very close ones plus my sister.

Then 2 others who I could tell anything to, but wouldn’t expect them to drop everything and come running.

So 4 or 6, depending on definition.

Autumnrose9 · 28/12/2020 14:13

None always find it hard to make friends. Moved around a lot as a child. And had children young so missed out on the carefree youth time . Get sad about it sometimes.

SparklingLime · 28/12/2020 17:04

@Elle200

None at all. I have my mum but she's dying;. When she's gone I will literally have nobody to talk to.
I’m so sorry, Elle. Flowers Feel free to PM me if you fancy.
Sosigsandwich · 28/12/2020 21:55

@Elle200 I'd be happy to have a chat too if you needed some company x

1FootInTheRave · 28/12/2020 22:18

I have a large number of acquaintances and could plan a good night out at v short notice.

Close friends I could ring at 4am...3, maybe 4, including my sister. Plus 2 friends of dh that would be there if I needed.

Tbf, I have a number of family members I could also call at 4am who would move heaven and earth to help me. My gran and my mum, my mother in law and 2 bil would be there in a flash.