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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many friends you’ve got

166 replies

Tellmelies65 · 25/12/2020 19:57

I’ve got one friend that I could tell everything to. A childhood friend. A few others but definitely still under ten in total. I’m in my late 40’s.

OP posts:
SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 25/12/2020 21:50

Walked in your shoes tigerstripe which is probably why I am a ‘none’ as well Flowers

Tigerstripe20 · 25/12/2020 21:57

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

Walked in your shoes tigerstripe which is probably why I am a ‘none’ as well Flowers
It’s hard isn’t it SheldonesquelsUnwell ?

It’s been a couple of years now, but I made my choice the scales dropped from my eyes and I walked away from the group, spent so many nights crying silently , it’s lonely but I had to take control of my life again.

scentedgeranium · 25/12/2020 21:59

2 or 3 I could absolutely rely on for anything. Then a very slightly larger circle who I probably could rely on.
Many more friends tho who I'm happy to spend time with. We had a Xmas party last year (remember those?!) and we had 50 in our nice bit not terribly big house.

RealisticSketch · 25/12/2020 22:02

4 I could call anytime for any reason. About another 5ish I could lean on for more limited support but would be there with good grace. All those would pass the two beers and a puppy test, and another handful who would be up for fun company. I'm mid 40's. I think that's a pretty decent set. Lots of others who were great friends at the time but have drifted on for various reasons. 😍

bookandabrew · 25/12/2020 22:05

I have a handful of people who I consider my friends, but I'm pretty sure they would consider me an acquaintance

AriesTheRam · 25/12/2020 22:07

3 that I could tell anything 2 plus a few others

myhumps123 · 25/12/2020 22:07

3 but that's suits we well as I don't like texting and talking on the phone often, although pre covid I did enjoy dressing up and going out with friends once per month.

Poppingnostopping · 25/12/2020 22:07

One best friend of 35 plus years, at least five very good friends who I see regularly, a lot of colleague friends/mum group who aren't my close friends who I go out with socially, and a few old friends from university or previous employment.

Sounds like a lot, but I don't speak with any of my friends daily like some on this thread, that's probably why I have quite a few. Some old friends I speak to once or twice a year, but when the opportunity comes to meet up, we grab it and have a fab time. Others it's phone calls every week or two and the odd meet up during corona (less than normal).

Poppingnostopping · 25/12/2020 22:09

I do speak with my mum every day though, so, I suppose my closest friend is her! She is the only one that would be interested in what we had for dinner!

alltheadrenalin · 25/12/2020 22:10

3 I feel very lucky

Kittytheteapot · 25/12/2020 22:10

If the definition is you could tell them anything and would ring them in the middle of the night: none.

See regularly and share daily troubles with: one.

Go back a long way (school or early 20s) and text or message occasionally, were once bosom pals but no longer live near each other: 5 or 6.

I'm mid 50s.

dingoesatemybaby · 25/12/2020 22:12

4

pinkcarnations · 25/12/2020 22:20

None Confused

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 25/12/2020 22:21

I have been lonelier in a relationship or large group of people than I’ve ever been on my own tigerstripe

My best friend let me know I was so insignificant in her world (people who managed to have children were more her cup of tea she decided) and she dropped me unceremoniously one Christmas. I’ll not lie. She broke my heart. We’d been through so much together and I think I was more hurt by that than when my long term dp messed around.

I don’t think I can trust anyone fully any more. I share with my acquaintances. But they never know when I could curl up and not wake up. They get the good bits. And the odd whinge. But no one gets ‘me’ any more. I daren’t.

I get the control thing.

I wish you well. I do. Flowers

And you can have one of these ‘x’ too. I never said I wasn’t a sentimental old sap...

Milssofadoesntreallyfit · 25/12/2020 22:22

None, many acquaintances but none I've been in a position with to develop the relationship with further.
Mostly done to to me mind, I do find it hard to invest the time. I'm 45, had good friends when at school that lasted 1p-15yrs before things just went in different directions.
I am very happy in my own Company mind, always have been so whilst it would be nice I'm happy as I am.

Ginandplatonic · 25/12/2020 22:22

Probably half a dozen friends that I would call on at any time and they would help. Another dozen or so not that close but I would consider friends. Lots of acquaintances that I am friendly with and would chat to if I ran into them.

All my friends are a mix of uni friends, school run/mum friends and friends of friends. The closer ones are just ones I “clicked” with more I guess. It’s hard to explain.

The most recent friends I made are from a book group a couple of us formed in a local fb group. We had our first meeting recently (not in UK so no coronavirus restrictions) and there are about 4 of the 8 who I think will end up being good friends.

Atrixie · 25/12/2020 22:24

About 15 close friends and the same again in people I would go for a coffee with

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 25/12/2020 22:31

This year has been shit for more reasons than Covid, but it has shown me I have more friends than I thought and it has also made me better understand the saying that friends are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

A reason could be gym class. I miss my gym class as the ladies there were lovely and gave me a reason to get out of the house and made me less shy. We had zoom catch ups and quizzes and we'd do christmas nights out (pre Covid). I wouldn't socialise with them individually though - only through my gym membership.

A season could be someone you work with. I had work besties that I would have lunch with etc but now that we have different jobs, we have moved on.

A lifetime friend tends to be a family member or extended family member. Its not common to have a lifelong friend who is not a family member (and you are fortunate if you have one).

I think most people expect a lifetime friend, or for all friends to be lifetime friends. Once I learned about the reason/season/lifetime idea, I felt more content with how many friends I have and less lonely.

thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2020 22:32

About seven really good friends who I could talk to about anything and could ask for help with something really serious.

Then a sort of "second tier" of people I feel a lot of affection for and enjoy seeing a lot but who I don't see that often (due to circumstance) and don't keep up a very regular connection with which is probably about 10-20.

I think people have become a bit funny and controlling about the definition of "friend" though. It's become de rigeur to say that someone is only a friend if you can call them at 3am and cry down the phone to them for hours, you see a lot of people on these boards complaining that people aren't a true friend because they aren't joined at the hip and striking them off because they've once failed to respond to a text.

Its important to tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance but there's a certain neediness people show these days which I think is a bit sociopathic. We need to chill out a bit I think.

FunnysInLaJardin · 25/12/2020 22:33

3 really good friends and 2 more very close friends

BrokenNotDead · 25/12/2020 22:37

1 My DH the only person I trust, who lets me be me, and when the chips were down and it was me against the world he walked beside me encouraging 16 year old me that I could do anything...
And I did!

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 25/12/2020 22:38

My dad had a best friend for 55 years until BF died. Dad was more upset than when his brothers died. DM has had her best friend for 64 years and counting and is closer to her than to her sibling. They speak/spoke to their best friends weekly.

I did always want that for myself but it was never to be. My DPs are very fortunate as very few people can claim to have such long lasting friendships.

riotlady · 25/12/2020 22:42

1 very best friend, who’s more like a sister.
3 close friends who have supported me through hard times and vice versa.
5-6 more distant friends who I chat to occasionally and see once or twice a year (or have zooms with in current circumstances)
15-20 friendly acquaintances from my uni course or other mums, that I would have a coffee with but wouldn’t know the names of their siblings

I’m also part of a private online group which grew out of a website, I haven’t met any of them in person but we’ve talked for years and supported each other through early child rearing so I consider them friends.

Lightwindows · 25/12/2020 22:42

3 friends from school, don't live near them but still close to them all.
2 friends who were former housemates, could always rely on them. Another friend I met through them who I see intermittently, really like her but wouldn't rely on for serious problem. Same for another friend I made through a previous job.
3 friends who have children same age as I do, so known them a couple of years. They are my most recent friendships but the bonds are strengthening I think.
Also friendly with about 3 people from work, not sure how much i would see them if i left for example. So probably 10 proper friends.

KimchiLaLa · 25/12/2020 22:47

Under 5 close friends. Quite a few acquaintances