To be so happy that I’m a single parent

[Melonlover80]

Really

I have a great relationship with my ex but... we were incompatible. No fireworks. Just incompatible.

So I have been a single parent for last five years. He has the primary aged children every other weekend. I get every Christmas.

And I bloody love it. I read all these threads about tension and arguments with their DHs, and I know there are happy marriages but all those that seem so... unhappy.

Here.... no tension, no arguments, I lead the way as the one parent! And it’s absolute bliss.

Shout out to other single parents.... hard in some ways but so so much better in others!!

First Xmas as a LP this year
This time last year he was packing
Tense doesn’t even cover it
Two years ago not talking as he ruined Xmas day
As he managed to ruin most events ! Many many birthdays , weddings , bank holidays , weekend . You name it !

I’m still a tad bruised
But very chilled Xmas

@happinessischocolate

It's anaIng how brainwashed we are as a society to believing that we will be happier as part of a couple. Even those of us who are happy single parents seemed to be surprised at how happy we are.

Even in this day and age when some men are starting to help more with the parenting, woman do the vast majority of the parenting work even in happy, caring relationships. money can be a bugger as house prices are based in 2 incomes rather than 1, but the day to day stuff, we do it all anyway, in fact kicking my ex out just left me with one less "child" to deal with.

I know. It's so ingrained.

I've just come off a call with a friend who expressed her condolences to me because my boyfriend didn't spend Christmas Day here. I told her there was no need: I had asked him not to be here because I wanted it to to be just me and my DD. My bf is here now and its great. But I didn't want him on Christmas Day.

She kept saying: "I'm sorry you feel you need to pretend to be happy on your own". It was excruciating after a while. She just couldn't comprehend that I could actually be happier without a bloke here on Christmas Day. Couldn't process it.

I know she was being kind and all but thank fuck I'm not like one of those women.

What amuses me if everyone asking about dating’
Why the fuck would I want that ?
I’ve been fairly prepccupied with men and boys since the age of 14
That’s 33 years of

• will he call
• is he in a mood
• why hasn’t he called

Yes there have been highs but the fact that I spent sooo many years and hours thinking about people who in many cases were not fit to lick my boots is crazy

Yes there have been highs but the fact that I spent sooo many years and hours thinking about people who in many cases were not fit to lick my boots is crazy

I'm.often a bit stunned via Facebook at how quickly people seem to move on. I mean there's a few days of self pitying statuses then nothing then a load of tags amd pictures. I wish I knew where all these decent, single men hang out so I could go straight there. I have no idea where I'd meet anyone new even if I wanted to.

OP, I TOTALLY agree with you. I've been split from exH for nearly 2 years, and I've never been happier. When I read about these shit husbands on MN I think "what are you afraid of - just leave, you WILL be happier". When ex and I split everyone acted like it was the worst thing to happen ever.

When we were together i did everything, he was useless it was like having another child. At least now I still do everything but get a break EOW - I do admit though if he'd abandoned us and I never got a break it would be so tough. But he didn't, that doesn't make my lucky, that's how it should be.

@Whatwouldscullydo

Yes there have been highs but the fact that I spent sooo many years and hours thinking about people who in many cases were not fit to lick my boots is crazy

I'm.often a bit stunned via Facebook at how quickly people seem to move on. I mean there's a few days of self pitying statuses then nothing then a load of tags amd pictures. I wish I knew where all these decent, single men hang out so I could go straight there. I have no idea where I'd meet anyone new even if I wanted to.

I think it's better to stay single than introduce your children to a myriad of new women or men you met on Tinder 5 minutes ago, like a lot of my single parent friends seem to. I've not had so much as a sniff of a man since splitting with ex and I think I'm happier for it - though everyone else seems to have a problem with the fact I haven't moved on with the first man I crossed in the street and I've had more than one person since ask me if I'm gay

@Thisisworsethananticpated

First Xmas as a LP this year This time last year he was packing Tense doesn’t even cover it Two years ago not talking as he ruined Xmas day As he managed to ruin most events ! Many many birthdays , weddings , bank holidays , weekend . You name it !

I’m still a tad bruised
But very chilled Xmas

This was my ex too. I stopped going on holiday because he ruined them with his foul moods. The lack of tension in the house is pure bliss

@Northernsoullover

Better to be alone than badly accompanied.

This person nailed it with the first response on the thread!

I'm married and even though DH is great and we are really happy together, I know we'd be happy as single parents too. Way happier as single parents than together if we weren't getting along.

I'm.often a bit stunned via Facebook at how quickly people seem to move on. I mean there's a few days of self pitying statuses then nothing then a load of tags amd pictures. I wish I knew where all these decent, single men hang out so I could go straight there. I have no idea where I'd meet anyone new even if I wanted to

I know! It astonishes me. And so quick. Single and sad for a few weeks and then photos and "in a relationship with" statuses and lots of "oh this is lovely hun x" responses. I can't fathom it.

I got together with my partner just months after he split with his wife of 14 years. We have now been together over 2 years and could not be happier. I know one of DP's friends in particular was very concerned but obviously she was proved wrong on that score.
We posted on FB quickly too but sometimes you just know when it is right. I agree that it can seem very quick but sometimes happiness finds you when you are not expecting it.

Personally, I was happy single but my happiness has increased tenfold with my partner in my life and the way he has also bonded with my daughter and family and friends. The right partner can enrich your life, but a bad one means you are better off alone.

I've not had so much as a sniff of a man since splitting with ex and I think I'm happier for it - though everyone else seems to have a problem with the fact I haven't moved on with the first man I crossed in the street and I've had more than one person since ask me if I'm gay

Yes there appears to be some kinda weird parallel universe where its apparently not ok fir the ex to introduce them to their latest new floozy/tart/hussy but inside if 3 months they have found met declared their love for and introduced a new partner to their kids.

I'm.probably just old and bitter though I not only don't want another man right now, the idea actually repulses me... I've been mistaken for being gay before I don't really care of my love life is so important to them then that says more about their pathetic lives than it does abiut me

Perhaps if people were together a long time before having children. Dare I say made the commitment of marrying their partner, had stable lives then had children perhaps fewer children would have separated parents. It would only be the ones where unforeseen events occur.

I was with my ex for 21 years, waited for marriage for 10 and for kids around 14 years. I’d say that was being fairly sure? And yet I’m still happier single, he fucked things up, but looking back before that it was always a waking on eggshells, moody compromise and I honestly can say I’d rather be where I am now than even when things were “good”. My kids are happy, healthy and have the absolute best in life I can provide. Big house, ponies, family and friends. They are a lot better off than kids even in happy marriages because of our life circumstances.

It’s not about a committed relationship it’s about who is there for their kids emotional and practical needs.

Yes I’d like the chocolate box man, or I think I do until I date then I realise that actually I don’t want to give up autonomy of parenting my kids, my freedom, my ability to do what I like when I like.

Also if I see an handsome man I can have him

You can’t be sure you would give your child a stable home, I wish you well on your journey TTC and hope you have the blessing of motherhood, but until then don’t let your hurt leak into judgement of others who have what you don’t. You’ll find god willing that when you are a mother your perspective of their needs and yours change.

My ex moved on very quickly and introduced his new GF to the kids sooner than he had agreed he would. Luckily she is nice, all the kids get on and my DC are OK with it, although they do get annoyed when they feel he prioritises her over them. But as a single mum I think it's a bit different. This is their main home and bringing a man here who they've never met and having him overnight would really disrupt and upset them. They have begged me not to have a boyfriend - I might have a casual thing one day, but I wouldn't involve them at all or expect them to welcome him or have him here. A woman bringing a man home is much more of a risk to everyone than a man bringing a woman home.

6th Christmas for me as a single parent and I absolutely love it! Merry have Christmas to you all

@Whatwouldscullydo

Yes there have been highs but the fact that I spent sooo many years and hours thinking about people who in many cases were not fit to lick my boots is crazy

I'm.often a bit stunned via Facebook at how quickly people seem to move on. I mean there's a few days of self pitying statuses then nothing then a load of tags amd pictures. I wish I knew where all these decent, single men hang out so I could go straight there. I have no idea where I'd meet anyone new even if I wanted to.

Oh yes this! My sister is never single for more than a week at a time. When my bf walked out after 2.5 years last Nov, and I was completely heartbroken, my dad said "well imagine how hard it is for you sister, she's been here (as in heartbreak) about 5 times this year." I'd like to say he was being sarcastic, but he was deadly serious. I'm sorry, but it just isn't the same! This is the same sister who used to slate me to anyone and everyone and tell them she wasn't going to have children until she was in a secure relationship and wouldn't end up as a single parent. My relationship with dcs Dad was at least 3x the length of hers with her dcs Dad.

I've know another girl who was heartbroken after the end of her 8 year relationship with her baby's Dad. 2 months later her new bf has moved in. Apparently she wasn't looking, she just "met" him. Not sure how when we've been in lockdown/keeping trips out to a minimum for the best part of a year now!

Sadly I know all too many women like these. They are never single and their dc meet most, if not all, of the boyfriends. They always seem amazed that I'm happy to be single.

When aforementioned boyfriend left last year (he wasn't DCs dad) and I was understandably in tears, DS1 put his arms around me and said "we were always ok with just us 3. We will be ok again. Actually we were more than ok. We were really happy. And its better now. We are old enough to look after you"
I wouldn't swap that amazing young man for any husband on the planet!

GlummyMcGlummerson

Thanks to MN actually I realised how bad things were . Not that I acted fast enough . But I’d been a keeping a diary and log for years and when i read in black and white the vast quantity of ruined days , holidays
Staggering 🥴

of my love life is so important to them then that says more about their pathetic lives than it does abiut me

Well said @Whatwouldscullydo

@Thisisworsethananticpated

GlummyMcGlummerson

Thanks to MN actually I realised how bad things were . Not that I acted fast enough . But I’d been a keeping a diary and log for years and when i read in black and white the vast quantity of ruined days , holidays
Staggering 🥴

One thing that scared me following my split is how much hindsight I need before I realise something bad. Looking back I told people we had a great marriage (and believed that) when in actual fact I was treated horribly. I'm quite worried how blind I am to my relationships

DS1 put his arms around me and said "we were always ok with just us 3. We will be ok again. Actually we were more than ok. We were really happy. And its better now. We are old enough to look after you"
⭐What a star what a wonderful star he is⭐
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗