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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so happy that I’m a single parent

144 replies

Melonlover80 · 25/12/2020 10:02

Really

I have a great relationship with my ex but... we were incompatible. No fireworks. Just incompatible.

So I have been a single parent for last five years. He has the primary aged children every other weekend. I get every Christmas.

And I bloody love it. I read all these threads about tension and arguments with their DHs, and I know there are happy marriages but all those that seem so... unhappy.

Here.... no tension, no arguments, I lead the way as the one parent! And it’s absolute bliss.

Shout out to other single parents.... hard in some ways but so so much better in others!!

OP posts:
wrigglewriggles · 25/12/2020 18:09

Can't wait for next year where (hopefully) I'll no longer have to live with ex and I can do Christmas for the kids my way, without feeling let down and disappointed in him spending most the day in bed so I have to juggle cooking and entertaining the kids.
Even if I don't get them for Christmas day the days I will have them will be bliss.

Original poster
Melonlover80 · 25/12/2020 18:52

@MiaMarshmallows

I'm lucky enough to have a man like snowow1 describes but it's great to see single parents happy on this thread x
To be fair... I remember you from another thread. You don’t live with your DP!
OP posts:
Levirandal · 25/12/2020 18:55

For those who are single parents...what about finances? I’ve contemplated leaving my dh as I’m unhappy but I earn very very little £500 a month and have been a sahm as my children have sen. Dh is a higher earner. Finances concern me as I’m not sure how we’d run two households.

SabrinaTheMiddleAgedBitch · 25/12/2020 18:55

Im incredibly lucky that DH is a amazing dad and husband and more than pulls his weight but I was a single parent to DD1 when we met and I do look back wistfully now and again. Being alone and independent is a wonderful feeling, especially when you leave a relationship thats unfulfilling

MiaMarshmallows · 25/12/2020 22:33

I don't but I did through the first nine months of lockdown and I still feel the same.

Crumbleandcake · 25/12/2020 22:53

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AndcalloffChristmas · 25/12/2020 22:53

My children never hear shouting, arguments, low level awful tension.

^^
Don’t do what I’ve just done and bring them to your parents for a bit of lovely tension and arguing Hmm

AndcalloffChristmas · 25/12/2020 22:54

Crumbleandcake what a nasty post!

megletthesecond · 25/12/2020 23:00

11th here. First one I've had a lie in until 8am since I've had dc's. the year I bollocked them for waking up at 1am and 4am was something to behold. Young teens aren't so bad on Xmas day.

It's been a mad rush working and trying to get organised in a pandemic but I should have done more in October the. Both dc's ran / walked in the sunshine today. No grumpy other adult wanting to drink or see mates.

HmmSureJan · 25/12/2020 23:03

@Crumbleandcake

No you should never be happy that your kids are split between two households. Sometimes that is a necessity but I think it's all to common and should never be celebrated.
Oh be quiet 🤫 . Time to put your wine down and go to bed don't you think?
PrincessNutNutRoast · 25/12/2020 23:05

@Crumbleandcake

No you should never be happy that your kids are split between two households. Sometimes that is a necessity but I think it's all to common and should never be celebrated.
Why? Are you worried that it will teach them to be rude, ignorant and judgemental?
likeafishneedsabike · 25/12/2020 23:15

What a great thread. Merry Christmas everyone.
Put a sock in it @Crumbleandcake!

CayrolBaaaskin · 25/12/2020 23:18

@Crumbleandcake - better two well adjusted happy households than one miserable one.

thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2020 23:21

@Crumbleandcake

No you should never be happy that your kids are split between two households. Sometimes that is a necessity but I think it's all to common and should never be celebrated.
So is it better for two people who are miserable together to sacrifice themselves on the altar of marriage? How do you think that works out for the kids? Do you genuinely think that children benefit from living in a household with two people who have no lover for one another and by extension none for themselves?
Whatwouldscullydo · 25/12/2020 23:49

First Xmas, in fact first week technically as a single parent so not even sure i count really.

Have to say it was lovely and calm today, I'd somehow managed to be organised enough to not be up til midnight wrapping gifts and this morning we all just sat around in our pyjamas them opening presents and me with a coffee Grin

Xp did come round to see kids and have dinner as they cant go there yet sounds horrid but felt like such an intrusion, was glad to get my house back .

It went better than I expected, didn't realise just how much I must have been carrying with him here..

I hope theybare all like this from now on..

indemMUND · 25/12/2020 23:51

Today marked a whole year since DD last spoke to her dad. The relief of doing it without his negative influence seeping in one way or another is immeasurable. She had a fantastic day and so did I. I've been a single parent for 8 years, but this year has been a huge turning point. Long may it continue!

DrCoconut · 26/12/2020 00:04

I think it's easier to do Christmas alone than with a partner trying to ruin it (I have yet to meet a man who hasn't done just that). If you offload the extra baby with his (or her) tantrums, whining, demanding, not behaving nicely etc it's much better and you're ok longer on edge wondering what this year's flash point will be.

LaVitaPuoEsserePiuBella · 26/12/2020 00:36

@Crumbleandcake

No you should never be happy that your kids are split between two households. Sometimes that is a necessity but I think it's all to common and should never be celebrated.
What a nasty post on such a celebratory thread. Are you jealous of other people's happiness?
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 26/12/2020 00:43

Swings and roundabouts really isn't it. I'd rather be a single parent than with my DCs father. But I'd rather be with my more recent ex than single.

On the whole though I love being a single parent. Other than the 2.5 years with recent ex I've been single since dc were 3 and 5. So 11 years now. They are my favourite people ever! Their dad has stopped having them at Christmas which is fine by me!

complimint · 26/12/2020 01:01

Second Christmas here. Had exh over for presents and dinner and to watch him wind up. The kids with his ten year old idea of humour and observe the tweens and teen react to His nonsense really affirmed how lucky I am that his affair partner has to tolerate that bullshit every day and we just don't . It was refreshing . It's hard at times but there's nothing like being your own person and parent . What a dick

Raver84 · 26/12/2020 01:29

Just want so say thanks for this thread I'm just about to finalise my divorce have been living with my ex since May this year. House going on market in Jan. Without exception this has been the worst 6 months of my life and Christmas has been hell. I cannot wait until next year to be in a new home, which will be small but happy, with my 4 amazing kids. Eating chocolates, opening presents and there being no bad feeling. Them having a happy mum back not a teary, angry just about holding her shit together mess. Thanks so much this has cheered me up after what has been a really shit Xmas day x

SuperCaliFragalistic · 26/12/2020 05:07

This was my 4th Christmas as a single parent. I get on OK with ex and the DC split the day between us. It's great for all of us, the DC definitely get more presents than they should, and more chocolate than is good for them! I got a lie in this year while ex did stockings at his house but I got to cuddle up and watch films with them in the evening while ex got to have a drink with his partner. I never, ever feel lonely, I feel like being a single parent is the best thing that could have happened to me and it's definitely better for the DC. Reading on MN about the lazy, abusive men out there that some women have to put up with is so sad, andmakesme feel so lucky.

Original poster
Melonlover80 · 26/12/2020 06:20

@Crumbleandcake

No you should never be happy that your kids are split between two households. Sometimes that is a necessity but I think it's all to common and should never be celebrated.
Can’t dignify this nonsense with a proper response!
OP posts:
Noconceptofnormal · 26/12/2020 06:51

This thread gives me some hope. My husband left, having met someone else, six months ago and this year Christmas was horrible for various reasons.

I'm not going to lie, Christmas is one of the things I find hardest to get my head around as the idea of spending every other year without them kills me. I don't have a lovely, amazing family to spend it with instead, they're hard work especially without a partner by your side, I was painfully aware of that this year.

But there are advantages. My ex husband is a very peevish person and manages to create tension over the slightest things.

He also expected to host his huge extended family every year (it was never someone else's turn), but was never grateful for the effort I made. So I won't miss that.

The main piece of advice is stay off Facebook and social media! Doesn't help to see all the happy families in their matching Pyjamas etc.

greenspacesoverthere · 26/12/2020 07:16

@Melonlover80 - well done to you and all us single parents for getting out of a relationship which didn't work and giving our children the best and happiest homes

I used to enjoy the times when she went to her dads over Christmas as it was time to make my own happy memories and I created a second Christmas for her when she came home which she loved

Perfect 🤩