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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't be made to let the in-laws take the credit.

123 replies

User3billion · 24/12/2020 15:04

DH has just asked me what time I want him to arrange to video call the in-laws tomorrow so they can see the kids open their gifts from them.

I asked what they'd got them as not seen anything arrive in the post and husband has barely left the house for months (working from home).

His answer? Oh I'm just going to see what we have and say one of those is from them.

They do send over money to DH but that's not the point! Everything we've bought for the kids is things we've discussed and chosen for them - not once has he mentioned any of the gifts being from his parents.

OP posts:
coldwaterfeed · 24/12/2020 15:06

YANBU. Did you buy the gifts?

When did they send the money and was DH supposed to buy gifts with them? How much money?

coldwaterfeed · 24/12/2020 15:06

I mean, did you buy the gifts from you and DH to DC?

Marmite27 · 24/12/2020 15:07

Err that would be a no from me.

I’ve bought 10 presents from various relatives and friends after they sent money and wrapped them up, so I’m not adverse to doing it either.

Pukkatea · 24/12/2020 15:07

Hmm, if they have sent money and then yours and DH money was used to buy gifts then in theory, one of the gifts should be from his parents, else he has just pocketed their cash. Sounds like poor DH communication.

Gonkytonk · 24/12/2020 15:08

I’d be sending him to the nearest open shop (petrol station) to get them some “that’ll do gifts” since he clearly can’t be arsed to sort it properly.

No way would I allow in-laws and an inept DH take credit.

Notonthestairs · 24/12/2020 15:09

We do this for my in-laws and my Dad - works well and everyone gets what they want. Eventually the kids will work out who has bought and wrapped everything- I'm not a martyr but I seriously don't care if someone else gets a bit of credit, we don't have the closest relationship but they love their grandkids.

Moltenpink · 24/12/2020 15:10

Sort of with your DH on this one, you still would have had to choose a gift so if you have loads, it doesn’t make much difference. If you just have two or three then I’d be annoyed!

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/12/2020 15:11

You do the work. DH and the in-laws get the credit?

It's the magic of Christmas.

Original poster
User3billion · 24/12/2020 15:11

Some of the gifts were delivered here & some I went out and bought. We have a joint account so money comes from that.

It's the complete lack of discussion from anyone.

Plus I actually resent the kids thinking that the in-laws got them something really thoughtful when in reality it's something I've chosen.

OP posts:
Charlie63849 · 24/12/2020 15:12

Tell him no.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/12/2020 15:14

Absolutely not. That’s ridiculous. What do they do for birthdays? Previous Christmases?

Original poster
User3billion · 24/12/2020 15:15

They always send money but DH usually goes and buys something.

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 24/12/2020 15:15

He should have told you when they sent the money so you could pick something out from them!

If it's too late to get something from argos or somewhere now he needs to get to a cash machine and put the money in a card for the kids and say then can pick something out for themselves.

GlowingOrb · 24/12/2020 15:15

I’m guessing the presents are already wrapped at this point. Was your DH just planning to rip off a couple of tags or just cross out your names?

LouiseTrees · 24/12/2020 15:16

Tell him he can go buy them a cheap supermarket toy and that can be from them.

KumquatSalad · 24/12/2020 15:16

The shops are still open (unless you’re in tier 4 but even then a massive supermarket will fit the requirements of this task). Your DH can definitely go and use the money his parents sent to buy actual presents.

Or he could put the money in a card and let the DC choose what they want to buy with the money from their grandparents.

heseesyouwhenyouaresleeping · 24/12/2020 15:16

Hell no

All the gifts come from Father Christmas here
if family member wish to give gifts on top of that, they are welcome to do so. They would not take from Santa's pile!

I’d be sending him to the nearest open shop (petrol station) to get them some “that’ll do gifts”
that.

Ohtherewearethen · 24/12/2020 15:16

YANBU. Your husband should have actually bought them some gifts using his parents' money, not just say one of the gifts you have bought are from them. They should have an extra one to open, bought with their grandparents' money.

5foot5 · 24/12/2020 15:17

Sounds to me like your DH is the one at fault here. Presumably the PILs sent him the money so he could choose something for the DC from them. He CBA to do anything about it and now wants to just take an easy way out. Ideally he should go out and find something specifically from his parents and wrap and label it. If it is too late then I suppose it will be necessary to label one of the existing present from them. But don't go blsming the PILs for this

Lyonesse2020 · 24/12/2020 15:17

How old are your kids? We often tell ours (9 and 4) how much money MIL has given them, and then they get to choose what they want. Last year that involved traipsing round several shops in January but they both loved seeing the options and choosing what they wanted. Would that work for you?

BelieveInPeople · 24/12/2020 15:17

I’d just go with your husband’s suggestion - I’d be a bit pissed off with his lack of communication, but I also wouldn’t be resentful of the in laws getting credit for being thoughtful, surely it’s nice for your kids to feel their grandparents care (and it’s more your husband’s fault really - they sent money in advance, he’s the one who has chosen to use one of your gifts). I personally wouldn’t be rushing out to waste money on stuff the kids don’t want or need.

heseesyouwhenyouaresleeping · 24/12/2020 15:17

Plus I actually resent the kids thinking that the in-laws got them something really thoughtful when in reality it's something I've chosen.

no, just no

I would not agree to that at all. (and again, MY gifts come from Santa, but that's irrelevant)

GlowingOrb · 24/12/2020 15:18

I’m happy to have relatives send money and I buy the gifts. It works really well, dd gets something she wants and I always tailor the gifts to the giver. I even wrap them
In different paper so it’s clear they are not from mom and dad.

So the problem is the lack of planning, not the action or sending cash.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/12/2020 15:20

Plus I actually resent the kids thinking that the in-laws got them something really thoughtful when in reality it's something I've chosen

So do you normally buy something they don’t want or not thoughtful when they send the cash?

Does it really matter as long as they enjoy their gifts? I never get the taking credit thing. I’d be grateful they have living grandparents who care enough to send money so they can have something they will really like, many will be facing Christmas without gifts or relatives this year.

AdaColeman · 24/12/2020 15:22

So what has he done with the money his parents sent? Did it go into the general Christmas pot?

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