To think I shouldn't be made to let the in-laws take the credit.

[User3billion]

DH has just asked me what time I want him to arrange to video call the in-laws tomorrow so they can see the kids open their gifts from them.

I asked what they'd got them as not seen anything arrive in the post and husband has barely left the house for months (working from home).

His answer? Oh I'm just going to see what we have and say one of those is from them.

They do send over money to DH but that's not the point! Everything we've bought for the kids is things we've discussed and chosen for them - not once has he mentioned any of the gifts being from his parents.

I’d text the in-laws, say DH hasn’t bothered his arse buying any gifts so you’ll just give the kids the cash.

I have never understood this “see them open their present from me” bullshit. When DD was 6 got a birthday present 3 months late because her uncles wanted to be there when she opened it. Bloody ridiculous.

My dh did something similar. His mum apparently sent money for us to buy dd2 some presents this year. He seems to think he mentioned it, but he didn't. So now there are no presents from mil for dd2 tomorrow (nothing from mil for any of us, but she's only really interested in dd2 as she's the only child here) Dd is not bothered, she's quite happy to spend the money in January, when she'll get exactly what she wants.

Just give your kids the money in a card and let the grandparents see them open the money 🤷‍♀️ If they're not happy about it then they'll have to put a bit more effort in next year

My kids have had money from my Father since they were babies. They are given an envelope with cash in it for birthdays and Christmas and it's always been for them to choose what they do with it. They love it!
Suggest you're OH does something similar with an envelope full of cash for each child to open or a note inside an envelope stating how much money will be in their accounts tomorrow. What's not to like?

Plus I actually resent the kids thinking that the in-laws got them something really thoughtful when in reality it's something I've chosen.

Why?

As long as my kids are happy I don’t mind who’s caused their happiness? My parents have brought my son his show stopper present this year, as they gave me a budget and asked what he would like and I said something he’s talked about non stop.

Every happy, gift received... my kids love me regardless of presents

Did you not at any time ask what DH was doing about the money/gift? DH and I discuss what we are getting DS and ideas we can give grandparents if they are buying presents rather than giving money. This ensures we don’t duplicate anything. DM is vulnerable health wise an doesn’t use the internet, so I was quite happy to get something on her behalf for both us and DC as I would rather that than her risk her health going to crowded shops.

My 6yo got her first £10 in an envelope this year. She thought it was amazing and was telling everyone!! I'd just give the cash and get them to write a thank you when they've bought something with it.

@WhatKatyDidNxt

Haha no. Why pander to them? Christmas does bring the CF’s out big time doesn’t it? There’s something about occasions that make people take the piss

I don't think this is an example of "cheeky fuckers taking the piss" what an over reaction to being gifted some money to but a present.

This really isn't unusual. Relatives often give me money for the children. Grandparents who aren't very involved probably have no idea what to buy, perhaps not dab hands at navigating shopping online and in a pandemic are not keen on trawling the shops.

@User3billion

They always send money but DH usually goes and buys something.

^ffs op

YANBU , just split what money they sent into 3 envelopes and get the children to call and say thanks for the money , job done .

YABU. If they've sent money then you either give them the money or buy a gift for them with it. If the kids are too young to appreciate money then surely you can allocate a few presents from them, for your kids sakes. They'll like to think grandparents got them something fun surely.

I agree with OverTheRainbow It's unusual to be so precious about taking the credit for all the children's gifts.

I mean as you say, they're all from Father Christmas anyway so the credit's all his anyway!

This is probably more bubbling resentment over other issues you have with your dh's parents.

Why can’t he be honest and say that their grandparents gave money that mum then used to buy the gifts?

@Pukkatea

Hmm, if they have sent money and then yours and DH money was used to buy gifts then in theory, one of the gifts should be from his parents, else he has just pocketed their cash. Sounds like poor DH communication.

Agree with this

My sil has your attitude to her stepmum. The stepmum gives my DN £100 each and asks her to buy whatever they need, and she pockets the money but then makes out they don’t make an effort and they didn’t buy any gifts to the kids. You can’t have it both ways. If sending money isn’t working then tell your DH to put a stop to it and get them to send a gift but then don’t moan if it’s something the kids hate

Could you have afforded all the presents you bought without their money being included in the pot? What's your husband done with the money your inlaws gave? Your husband has quite a lot to answer for in this fiasco.

Just give them the cash!! Or get some "print it yourself" amazon vouchers.

I think you are aiming your anger at the wrong person / people.
Your dh has happily accepted the money, to carry on with the same arrangement that has been in place for 12 years. It isn't the in-laws fault that he hasn't got his act together.

If you / your dh don't / doesn't like the arrangement, then talk about it in advance with them.
Personally, I think your dc getting something they actually want is a far better arrangement than the grandparents trying to guess what they want, but, if you think differently, well then, sort it out a long time before Christmas.
YABVU to consider depriving them of that call with your dc, because your dh has messed up.

@SmileyClare

I agree with OverTheRainbow It's unusual to be so precious about taking the credit for all the children's gifts.

I mean as you say, they're all from Father Christmas anyway so the credit's all his anyway!

This is probably more bubbling resentment over other issues you have with your dh's parents.

Only the stocking is from Father Christmas, all the other presents are from the people named on the label. I don't know anyone in RL who labels all presents as being from Father Christmas/Santa.

Put the amount of money that they sent in a card each for the kids and they can watch them open that

I'm in the 'it's your DH 's fault' camp here. If this is the normal arrangement and he just hasn't bothered to do the ( not very) heavy lifting by actually buying the present, he needs to either do a quick garage/supermarket run or gift the cash with appropriate explanations to all involved

" I don't know anyone in RL who labels all presents as being from Father Christmas/Santa."

I don't know anyone who just does a stocking from FC & then "takes the credit" for other presents.

I can see why you're pissed off Op-but it's your husband's "fault".

There are so many posters complaining about what ILs buy, maybe it's better that your husband (usully!) gets something the kids would like.

I can see how it adds to a general feeling that they cba though.

I don't understand what your DH did with the money?

Unless I'm misunderstanding I don't see how this is your IL's fault? They've sent money to buy your DC a present so would be expecting to see them opening them surely?

If the lack of communication is because of your DH then you either suck it up and allow the IL's to believe they paid for it or you tell them the truth that their son has kept their money so they need to take it up with him.

How much cash are we talking? Does the same thing happen every year?

If they sent the money intending that it be spent on a gift of choice, then I think you should allocate a gift to them. Otherwise, the money should be handed over in an envelope stating who it is from and that they get to pick their own. Your DH pocketing it and neither giving them the money nor getting a present from them is not on.