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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil standing at window

419 replies

Spied · 24/12/2020 11:47

Just received a text from mil telling me herself and fil would be visiting in the morning to stand at the window and watch the dc open their presents (of which none are from them as they don't do gifts. They put money in an envelopeHmm).
Would it be unreasonable to keep the blinds shut and ignore any door knocking?

OP posts:
Jangle33 · 24/12/2020 13:41

Hardly an essential journey is it! And they didn’t even buy presents, it’s quite frankly not on!

Ginfordinner · 24/12/2020 13:43

Hanging in the air will be the unsaid notion from all that I should just let them in.

So, make it very clear that you won't be inviting them in. By all means spoil their Christmas even more if you want, but it is just about you. They are part of your family as well.

Ginfordinner · 24/12/2020 13:44

That came out wrong. Christmas shouldn't be just all about you.

Mrgrinch · 24/12/2020 13:46

@Jangle33

Hardly an essential journey is it! And they didn’t even buy presents, it’s quite frankly not on!
They've given money. Would you rather they pick out gifts for a pre-teen that they don't like? Does that mean that people are only worth your time if they buy you things?

The posts on this thread just get worse. I'm shocked at how pathetic and selfish some people really can be.

badacorn · 24/12/2020 13:48

They are inviting themselves over fully expecting to be let in. No idea what your relationship with them is like but if you don’t want to see them for personal reasons or covid then insist on a video call.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 24/12/2020 13:48

Well it's all about them isn't it, they're pleasure seeing the kids, them hoping to come in.
What about the kids ? It'll be really awkward and forced for them and they're going to feel bad having grandma stood outside in the cold.
I'd offer to video them opening their envelope off them and that would be it.

beavisandbutthead · 24/12/2020 13:50

It does sound like a ploy to enter your home. I would therefore let them know that your not comfortable with them standing staring in the window. I would suggest they can participate via zoom or something like that....cant see the difference but if they push it then you know there trying to come into your home.

hopeful3yr · 24/12/2020 13:51

Well that's the creepiest titled post on Mumsnet and it didn't disappoint

ComDummings · 24/12/2020 13:54

It is weird. I’d happily send them a video but other than that nah

Gwenhwyfar · 24/12/2020 13:55

"I'm not comfortable inviting them in though as they mix with too many other people."

But you have children in school so your family must be mixing with loads.

Diva66 · 24/12/2020 13:56

Open your presents in an upstairs room.

eggsandwich · 24/12/2020 13:56

Tell her your children open them up in their bedrooms, so unless she brings a ladder with her she not going to see very much.Grin

Assuming you live in house and not a bungalow

Thomasina79 · 24/12/2020 13:57

This is so sad it almost made me cry. In my wildest dreams I would never have had my mum, nor my in laws standing outside looking at their grandchildren opening presents. They are all no longer with us. As for shutting the curtains?? They were difficult in their way (aren’t we all), but the hearts of grandparents are usually in the right place

Have some compassion.

NiceandCalm · 24/12/2020 13:57

It's just so unnecessary isn't it! It's not fair on the kids, they will feel pressured to a) get up at a certain time and b) rush through the opening so as not to leave them standing outside too long. If they are not actually coming in then you may as well video them opening a few presents and get the kids to add a personal msg to them.
Just tell them that you honestly have no idea when the kids will be getting up, could be really early but it's their day and you don't want to dictate to them. Also add in your concern for their comfort and health.

SisterlyCare · 24/12/2020 13:57

I think it’s quite nasty actually

That’s a lovely gesture from them and they just wanna feel included

BeyondFrustrated · 24/12/2020 13:58

Just let them. Smile and wave and encourage everyone indoors to do the same.

Who knows what 2021 might bring.

NoraEphronsTurkeyNeck · 24/12/2020 13:58

@Cosmosgrowinmygarden

Well OP I am so glad that you, along with several others on this thread, are not my daughter in law! She is saving our presents to our grandchildren for them to open during our family Zoom call late morning tomorrow so that we can see them open them - and this was her suggestion, not our request. But then my lovely daughter in law is a kind hearted, caring person.
Yes but you've actually gone to the trouble and thought of buying them presents to open. The OP'd PILs have not.
RandomUser18282 · 24/12/2020 14:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

IrmaFayLear · 24/12/2020 14:01

Grin only in 2020....

Could they have a coffee and mince pie in the garage? Or set up a table outside? I have seen some local folk doing this.

littlemisslozza · 24/12/2020 14:03

I can't believe that people don't seem to appreciate money in an envelope. Far better than loads of tat or even more toys. Can either save up for when they'll really appreciate it as adults if it's a significant amount (towards car/house etc) or spend on choosing something they want. My children love money for birthdays and Christmas especially if they are saving for something big.

Ginfordinner · 24/12/2020 14:05

Yes but you've actually gone to the trouble and thought of buying them presents to open. The OP'd PILs have not.

Do you always know exactly what to buy everyone for Christmas without asking them? I'm not telepathic, and give my nieces money for Christmas. I have no idea what they would like, and the money is always appreciated. Money is not a thoughtless gift. A thoughtless gift is a piece of plastic tat that goes into landfill.

Given the lack of relationship between the OP and her in-laws I doubt that they would have been able to have had a conversation about Christmas presents, so money is a good option.

dontlikebeards · 24/12/2020 14:06

Would you reaction be the same if it was your parents asking to do this? What is so bad about them wanting to see their grandchildren? And this comes from someone who hated her fil.

Whenwillow · 24/12/2020 14:06

It's a bit much that they've just informed you that this is what they'll be doing Confused
I generally think that people who think that your lighthearted OP is unreasonable will be or are those sorts of in-laws.

Ginfordinner · 24/12/2020 14:06

@Handsoffstrikesagain

This is the exact sort of weird intrusive behaviour my in laws would have suggested (although tbh they cba with their DGC). My mum and dad would never do anything like this because they know it’s completely bloody odd. They could have a video sent, a WhatsApp call etc. This is why I am LC with my in laws. Boundaries was never something in their vocabulary. They wouldn’t have cared that we felt uncomfortable, it was all about them and their feelings superseding everyone else’s.
Are they intrusive because you shut them out all the time? Or are they really intrusive?
jessstan1 · 24/12/2020 14:07

@GrumpyHoonMain

Only if you return the money they gave your kids. Can’t have it both ways.
Exactly. I hope you have bought gifts for your children from your in laws who probably choose to send cash otherwise they would buy the wrong things which would cause you to moan.

It does seem odd in a way but if you have big windows and the curtains wide open, they will see them, the children can wave, etc. If they have a lot of gifts and get up at the crack of dawn, keep some back for a bit later and suggest a time to the in laws. Make sure it is their presents that the children are opening when they arrive.

Sheesh. It is all so obvious, was it really necessary to start such an uncharitable thread on Christmas eve? Any excuse for a gripe.