Mil standing at window

[Spied]

Just received a text from mil telling me herself and fil would be visiting in the morning to stand at the window and watch the dc open their presents (of which none are from them as they don't do gifts. They put money in an envelope).
Would it be unreasonable to keep the blinds shut and ignore any door knocking?

The responses are pretty sad. YABU. It’s a bizarre thing to do in normal circumstances, which these are not. Money in an envelope is brilliant- you can take them out, get takeaway, save for extra curricular clubs, etc.

@Ohalrightthen

Yeah, if you want to completely torpedo your relationship, go ahead. It's a bit weird, but what a freaking miserable christmas this will be for them, why not let them have a bit of second-hand joy?

This ^^

It's no wonder so many women don't get on with their MILs when you make it clear that you don't like them.

I have read countless MIL threads on MN over the years, and it strikes me that in at least half of the cases the discord between MIL and DIL is down to the DILs.

What happened to give and take, and a little bit of Christmas spirit?

Their Christmas has been cancelled, and you want to rub salt in their wounds by being petty

And there is nothing wrong with giving money to preteens. Better than a load of tat they don't want.

Do you think they're hoping that you'll invite them in?

@NewlyGranny

Sounds like a scene from a zombie movie! Don't they do digital? We're having a four-nation Zoom session tomorrow. We'll be able to talk and everything. I'd leave the curtains open if they persist, but I'd also leave the hose running tonight so they had to stand in a muddy puddle to see in.

Then I hope my DS never ends up with a partner like you.

Would it be unreasonable to keep the blinds shut and ignore any door knocking?

Whilst I think watching from outside is kind of weird, I think deliberately blocking them would be really mean.

It's been an utterly shit year.

I'm surprised by the amount of people suggesting a Zoom call or a video of the kids opening their presents. I'm a carer and only one of my clients has access to the internet. They're all desperate to see family on Christmas Day.

DP really couldn't care less whether they stand there or not, in fact, he'd probably invite them in.
They know this.

This thread tells you everything you need to know about British attitudes to the elderly. How utterly sad.

Tell them they're welcoming but you're doing a naturist Christmas this year :)

What on earth makes this such a big deal? Of course you allow them to watch. It isn't going to kill anyone and may give them a bit of joy in these sad, dark times.

My DParents and iLs never came to watch present openings, it was way too early for them and a bit of a drive. They came later for breakfast and to view 'the haul'. But if they wanted to come and watch (any year) I certainly wouldn't have had any objections. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to see a lot of people standing at windows this year.

@Cosmosgrowinmygarden the difference is you’ve sent presents...

Sending money is fine, but it’s a bit weird to want to watch them open presents without having actually provided any!

I’d be tempted to open the curtains to a set piece of the kids opening their cash envelopes, then close them again...

Or, in reality, I’d just suggest FaceTime etc so no one is cold and everyone can chat.

You sound really mean @Spied
Why not let them watch their grandchildren open their presents or even just a couple of them.

The one year you think you can get away from the in-laws #silverlinings and then this! You have my full sympathy 🎄

@Spied

Dc are pre-teen. In laws were supposed to be visiting a relative in London for Christmas so weren't planning on seeing the dc at all this Christmas day/week. They don't come over every Christmas morning- did when the dc were younger. I'm imagining them stood there like snowmen when I open the blinds. Quite unnerving. Do I smile? Acknowledge them? Tell the kids to 'act natural'? Pretend they're not there and offer an organic experience? Will they be taking photos? Oh Lord.

This is so weird to me.Do you not know how to speak to them or something? And why wouldn't you acknowledge them?

@Camphillgirl

Let’s all be kind to each other. This has been an awful time for everybody don’t make it worse

Yes, this. They've probably had as shit a year as the rest of us and want to watch their grandchildren being happy. Saying yes does no one any harm.

Wow, they can't have a normal Christmas , they feel isolated and they want to be part of their grandchildrens lives. You sound delightful!

I’d give anything for my parents or in laws to live close enough to do this

Think you're being a bit nasty tbh, if it was your parents don't think you'd be as bothered I get.

I love my in laws and we are very close but I'd find this too weird, as would they in all honesty! I want to sit there with no bra on, puffy morning face and bed hair just focusing on the dcs rather than keep awkwardly smiling at my in laws through the glass.

They put money in an envelope

Your reaction to this makes me so sad OP. You don't really like your husband's parents do you? Just remember your kids are taking all this in and will likely grow up to be as caring as you are.

People bitch and whine about their parents or PIL getting things which aren't 'right' for the GC. Giving money is a perfectly acceptable thing to do I think, especially for pre-teens who are probably developing their own tastes quite quickly.

@emmathedilemma

Do you think they're hoping that you'll invite them in?

Very likely.

I'm not comfortable inviting them in though as they mix with too many other people.

@WitchFindersAreEverywhere
You said grandchildren are not "pay per view". They are not meant to be "pay per view" but a fair number appear to be only "available" if money or services are required or given.

I'm imagining them stood there like snowmen when I open the blinds. Quite unnerving.
Do I smile? Acknowledge them? Tell the kids to 'act natural'?
Pretend they're not there and offer an organic experience

that is hilarious

How will it hurt you to let them watch? As for giving money - they at least give something.

Open the curtains and give them a mince pie (if they’ll take one) to eat as they watch. It will make them happy and you won’t come across as terribly mean-spirited.