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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To share or not to share Secret Santa Scratchcard Winnings

481 replies

WoolieLiberal · 23/12/2020 11:23

I was given a National Lottery Scratchcard as a Secret Santa gift. I thought this was a bit naff until I realised it was a winner.

I won a (low end) four figure sum. I got excited and told my colleagues.

Since then, the person who gave it to me sent me a message suggesting (in a lighthearted way) that I might want to give her half. I replied with a laugh emoji as I thought she was joking, but she has since messaged me to ask if I have decided whether I am going to do so or not!

I’ve also been asked by three other colleagues if I could “lend” them “small“ (three Figure) amounts “to help with Christmas”.

DH says I was daft to have told anyone, but it’s done now and is none of anyone else’s business. He says I should treat myself for a Change.

I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t won anything because if I respond to all requests I’ll have virtually nothing left, and if I don’t, then I’ll be thought badly of and stingy.

There’s a woman at work who works part time and is married to a very wealthy businessman (the job is more of a hobby/something to do) and they’re always jetting off on holidays to far flung destinations, having meals out, nice cars and jewellery etc. No one has ever (to my knowledge) asked her to share her wealth.

If I knew a colleague was genuinely struggling I would help but this feels like vultures are circling. DH, DD’s and I are not wealthy by any stretch but “managing”.

Thoughts welcome!!

OP posts:

Bloodypunkrockers · 23/12/2020 13:42

OP I get that it's your choice but why on earth would you give colleagues half

Absolutely ridiculous and it doesn't make you look kind, it makes you look like a pushover

Givemestrengthorgin · 23/12/2020 13:43

UP you said "has said he respects that it’s my money not his and he respects my right to
Do what I want with it and won’t give me a hard time
Over it as he has not right to." You're DP has a lot more understanding than your colleagues who should also be applying this logic!

HayJkl · 23/12/2020 13:43

I would 100% keep it all for myself!!

KatharinaRosalie · 23/12/2020 13:44

No this is ridiculous. People who are cheeky enough to ask that you share your christmas present will not be happy with any amount you give them.
Did the rest share their Secret Santa presents with the entire team? What if you had not won anything, would you have demanded that they all give you something as compensation?

Brunt0n · 23/12/2020 13:44

And as others have said, this is why I don’t buy lottery tickets or scratch cards for anyone who wouldn’t share the winnings with me😂

Love51 · 23/12/2020 13:45

@AldiAisleofCrap
Yeah what was op thinking of, expecting her Santa colleague to share her joy!

I love hearing about nice things that have happened to other people. I think the op would think the same way. She didn't know which one was her Santa, so to thank her Santa had to tell them all.
#bekind is getting warped.

Erictheavocado · 23/12/2020 13:45

Firstly, what happened to the concept of Secret Santa?
Secondly, what a bunch of greedy people you work with.
The thing about a gift is that once handed over, it no longer belongs to you and tou have no claim on it. There is no way I'd be sharing half my win with them. If you feel you need to do something, a scratchcard each and a small box of choccies, or bottle of wine , but definitely nothing more and no cash. If you give cash they will complain about the amount, who should get more etc etc.
But, as I said, if I were you the giver would get a thank you and the rest of them nothng.

KatharinaRosalie · 23/12/2020 13:46

As PP said, you can buy all of them the same scratch card, if you really want to be generous.

lazyarse123 · 23/12/2020 13:46

@SillyOldMummy

I would not give any of them anything. No amount will satisfy them and legally and morally it is your money.

They are being incredibly selfish and grasping.

It is YOUR gift - once given , a gift passes into your ownership. What other gift would anyone say, "Actually I liked that gift can I have it back?"

I would say to them all, "if you had not badgered me to donate money to you , I might have shared, but you have made this so awkward I now don't think i can share the money fairly and still feel good about it. I'm going to put the money against my debts, and hope we can all please forget about it." Then never mention it, and don't flaunt any extravagance!

I really like this reply. How rude do you have to be to ask for a share of someone's gift. As a pp said would they have shared if you'd ended up with nothing?

VestaTilley · 23/12/2020 13:46

YANBU. I know it’s the season of giving etc, but the scratch card was a gift, and not a huge win. Keep the money- next time don’t tell anyone.

Maybe give a donation to charity from it? Tell the colleagues you’re doing that instead.

PeakyPaula · 23/12/2020 13:46

Tell them you had an unexpected bill and how grateful you are for the money so you don’t have to go into debt to sort it out.

CharityEscapeGoat · 23/12/2020 13:46

No way. You can use it to off some of your debts that have been causing you sleepless nights & dreadful anxiety. Obviously anyone calling you selfish for this will out themselves as a total wanker.

It's your money. The giver didn't expect you to win anything, & it's not by their efforts that you have. They don't deserve a portion of the money any more than any of your other colleagues. I'd definitely check that it's not a fake though.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 23/12/2020 13:47

Will the rest of the team be sharing out their gifts? No. They wont.

You were stupid to tell them but now you just need to say no. Or just ignore them totally and they'll stop.

If you give someone a scratch card, then there is always the chance that person could win. It doesnt belong to the giver anymore and they're not entitled to any of it.

Just say you're not giving anything out and tell them straight "the number of you who have asked me for money, and the amounts you have asked for mean I would have nothing left. You've all behaved really badly here and I'm feeling harassed and bullied. This was given to me as a gift, and I dont deserve this treatment just because I happened to win. Please leave me alone and maybe we should have a rule that no one buys scratch cards if this is how people will be treated afterwards"

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/12/2020 13:47

"Hi, I'm your Secret Santa this year. I'll level with you: I couldn't be bothered to think of anything that you might particularly like, so I went for the cheapest, least-effort thing I possibly could. I fully realise that it has a 99% chance of being a completely useless non-present to you, so you'll almost certainly end up with nothing, when your colleagues have been given wine, posh chocolates, lovely smellies sets. I know that's going to disappoint you, but I really don't care - I did the absolute most basic minimum that I had to do to technically fulfil my duty in the scheme, so you can just get stuffed."

"Well, thank you for your, erm.... kindness. As it happens, you'd never believe it, but it has indeed, against all the odds, proven to be a really useful present!"

"Wow! Well, don't forget who carefully chose and presented it to you with all care, love and consideration - you really should give me half. I do mean that: here are my bank details for you to transfer me half of your present."

I'd think she had a slightly stronger case if she was Banksy a talented but currently unknown artist who had spent hours lovingly painting you a beautiful watercolour or something that had gone on to suddenly appreciate in value once her name gained a great reputation in the art world and her creations quickly became very sought-after. But she didn't: she waited until the last minute, popped into the newsagent, thought "That'll do" and gave no further thought to it.

Assuming it isn't a nasty prank and it is a genuine card, she has given you the equivalent of, what, £1, £2, £5. Cash would have been boring and thoughtless enough, but she didn't even give you any say in what you bought with it. You could have used it to buy a scratchcard yourself, which turned out to win a million. She knew that she'd 99% probably given you a worthless scrap of paper instead of a guaranteed nice small present and she didn't care - interesting how much she suddenly cares now. There was just as much an element of chance in her buying it as in you winning it. You are the owner, the luck has fallen to you, enjoy your present without guilt or shame. If it hadn't (with a 99+% chance of that being the case), nobody would have shared their presents with you or clubbed together to compensate you for what would have been a useless non-present.

Postmanbear · 23/12/2020 13:49

If you give half to your colleagues they will not be happy and will
moan about you anyway and you’ll have half the money!
Just keep the money!! You won’t win with these people. I’m sure that the people who haven’t asked think badly of those who have.
I won the Christmas raffle hamper. I kept the whole thing, I didn’t immediately start sharing it out.

Standrewsschool · 23/12/2020 13:49

It’s a secret Santa. How do you know if the person who claimed to have brought it actually did. You either buy everyone in the secret Santa group a bottle of champagne or none.

AliceinBunniland · 23/12/2020 13:50

I don't understand people are saying OP should give the giver a few hundred pounds. It was a gift!

MorganKitten · 23/12/2020 13:51

Don’t give it to any of them, the demands are quite frankly rude.

oakleaffy · 23/12/2020 13:51

@Bloodypunkrockers

OP I get that it's your choice but why on earth would you give colleagues half

Absolutely ridiculous and it doesn't make you look kind, it makes you look like a pushover

Exactly.

If I bought a friend one, I’d not expect anything, esp as only low thousands.
You could put that towards your kids if any, or the mortgage- if any. A few thou doesn’t go far these days.

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 23/12/2020 13:51

It’s yours.

S111n20 · 23/12/2020 13:51

I would tell them you was joking. It’s yours cheeky fuckers.

PurplePlain · 23/12/2020 13:52

That's such a tiny amount compared to what you could have won that I don't think you need to be overly generous. At the most I'd say £50 to the giftee and £100 for your team. If you spread it too thin it won't make any difference to anyone. Enjoy it!!

MaudHatter · 23/12/2020 13:53

Don’t share it with anyone . The giver is being incredibly cheeky. Tell them you’re putting it in the bank for your children / rainy day . They can’t argue with that .

MaudHatter · 23/12/2020 13:53

Or buy them a scratch card each

alliejay81 · 23/12/2020 13:54

You have a lovely DH and shitty workmates. If you want to give half of it to someone else give it to your DH ! Tell your shitty workmates they were causing you too much grief and you gave it all away to charity. Then give a chunk to charity and spoil yourself with the rest.

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