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AIBU?

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Original poster

To send the resignation email and tell her to F off?

120 replies

Needhelpnottodoit · 22/12/2020 21:22

I've name changed for this, just in case (I'm a scaredy cat!)

My manager is fucking ridiculous, micro managing the shit out of the whole team. It's constant streams of emails, texts and phone calls checking where you are, what you're working on, why haven't you finished, why didn't you do this?

It's seriously degrading now, it's like she has no trust in anyone to just do their job!

It's a million times worse since lockdown and people working from home. I haven't been allowed to work from home, apparently I'm not good working at home so have been in the office right the way through!

The whole team are completely on the floor, exhausted and morale is extremely low.

Anyway, I have had to work from home today as I'm isolating and the constant emails questioning what I'm working on have just caused me to snap!

I have drafted a letter of resignation, I haven't sent it but was awfully close to sending. Clearly I wouldn't tell her to fuck off but I've just had enough, I've never slacked off on work or given her a reason to distrust me.

Is it just me though or are all managers this way? Seems I always end up with control freaks! Please tell me AINBU!

OP posts:
LawnFever · 22/12/2020 21:26

Sorry your boss is such a pain in the arse Sad

Save the email as draft, step away from your laptop for now

Can you arrange to speak to them direct about how their behaviour is affecting the entire team? Do you have a HR person who could mediate a meeting? It sounds exhausting, but it’s not your fault & you shouldn’t have to resign because they’re such a shit manager Sad

Brefugee · 22/12/2020 21:26

YANBU

there are several things you could do - such as sending a minute-by-minute breakdown of what you've been doing? Ask her what you should prioritise.

But to be honest, if you don't need the job you could resign and go in to explicit and excruciating detail to higher management about why?

Caterinaballerina · 22/12/2020 21:29

What happens if you ignore her and just get on with your work? Also if you can work at home you are supposed to, I’d be arguing that point more strongly.

tttigress · 22/12/2020 21:32

What do you do? Some industry / location where you could get the same better job easily?

If yes, I would still line up another job before resigning. If no, is there anyone you can bring her behaviour up to? Bottom line, I would not resign without another job to go to.

Original poster
Needhelpnottodoit · 22/12/2020 21:32

I feel like I'm back at school being told what to do every minute of the day!

My manager is not someone who you could discuss concerns with, for fear of how you will be treated afterwards! The whole management culture in the place is toxic, so I could say something but nothing will be done and I will end up out of a job anyway!

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 22/12/2020 21:33

Don’t send the email. Get even instead. If she’s so keen on knowing what you are doing, preempt her, send frequent emails giving updates or what ever she routinely asks for. Start by say one an hour and increase the frequent until she gets the message. But only do this is you’ve got some sort of record as to how often and closely she is micro managing you. If she’s emailing or ringing you every ten minutes - log it and do the same back. She will get the message and you can have some fun too.

Original poster
Needhelpnottodoit · 22/12/2020 21:35

Luckily I'm in a job where there are plenty about at the moment, I just want to get on with my job, I don't like playing games, I have enough to do without stopping to email and ring her as much as she does me!

OP posts:
Gindrinker43 · 22/12/2020 21:36

This is not how you manage a team, she has no trust because she is incompetent. Are you in a position to start to look for another job? Once you have a new job and the references have been sent feel free to give her some feedback.

StoneofDestiny · 22/12/2020 21:37

What happens if you ignore the e mails and just get in with your job?

I'd not resign until I got another job to go to.

Original poster
Needhelpnottodoit · 22/12/2020 21:37

If you ignore, she sends more!

OP posts:
BathTangle · 22/12/2020 21:37

I've worked for a manager like this: it is soul destroying. The best revenge was that I ended up getting a new job working for someone crazy-boss had introduced me to Grin.

Brinn · 22/12/2020 21:37

Micromanagers are the worst! So annoying. But is there a high turnover of managers where you are? If so, she might leave soon.

CoRhona · 22/12/2020 21:38

@Bargebill19

Don’t send the email. Get even instead. If she’s so keen on knowing what you are doing, preempt her, send frequent emails giving updates or what ever she routinely asks for. Start by say one an hour and increase the frequent until she gets the message. But only do this is you’ve got some sort of record as to how often and closely she is micro managing you. If she’s emailing or ringing you every ten minutes - log it and do the same back. She will get the message and you can have some fun too.
Fuck that, I would be telling her as little as possible about everything Confused
Original poster
Needhelpnottodoit · 22/12/2020 21:39

No, surprisingly management is the most stable part of the company!

OP posts:
MeMarmiteYouJam · 22/12/2020 21:39

Find another job first, and leave. Life is too short for this bullshit.

And she's shooting herself in the foot with this sort of behaviour, you won't be the only one at the end of their tether.

BackwardsGoing · 22/12/2020 21:40

Set up an auto filter and put all her emails directly into a folder. Read them once a day. Apply for other jobs.

Original poster
Needhelpnottodoit · 22/12/2020 21:42

I'm not going to put up with it much longer, I feel I might snap! I worry for my colleagues, everyone is so scared of her that they are literally working all the hours god sends to keep up with her demands!

OP posts:
2306IRW · 22/12/2020 21:42

Omg do we have the same boss? Sounds exactly like mine!
I've got a new job lined up and literally cannot wait for everything to be signed so I can say seeeee ya!
Agree with others though, save the email for now, look for something new and when you got a great new job send away! Call it constructive criticism 👌😜

Original poster
Needhelpnottodoit · 22/12/2020 21:43

Seems lots of bosses are like this! I read another thread a few weeks ago and sobbed all the way through cause I knew exactly how that poor woman felt!

OP posts:
Curiosity101 · 22/12/2020 21:45

If you ignore, she sends more!

You can set up inbox rules and just filter her emails out of your main inbox.

I'd definitely line up another job and then hand your notice in given what you've described.

But in the meantime, I'd manage someone like that by sending an update in the morning saying what your plan is for the day and then an email at the end of the day summarising what's been completed. Or if you prefer or feel a face to face meeting would be better then a 15-minute video call at the beginning of the day and a 15minute video call at the end. Then filter/ignore all correspondence throughout the day if it's not necessary/useful to getting the job done.

Where I work we have a daily planning stand-up in the morning to discuss as a team what everyone's working on and what our plans are. We work in a very interconnected team so we often have to pair up with work. It's actually a really useful meeting, and in our case isn't for reporting purposes. However, it sounds like it could be a useful way to manage your manager.

DodoApplet · 22/12/2020 21:45

Just for what it’s worth, you should never send an email when you’re in any state other than perfectly calm and collected - and even then, if it’s even remotely contentious, sleep on it before making a final decision as to whether to send it or not. Secondly, if/when you do send it, don’t put in it anything whatsoever that you wouldn’t shout across a crowded room. Good luck, however you decide to proceed.

2Rebecca · 22/12/2020 21:46

If you resign without another job in the current climate it will hurt you more than her. Better trying to get all the employees on side and write a joint letter.

TillyTopper · 22/12/2020 21:47

Look for and secure another job first - no point in being out of pocket due to her shite.

Original poster
Needhelpnottodoit · 22/12/2020 21:49

I know I need to look for another job, better get scanning the jobs pages!

Thanks everyone for letting me sound off, I actually feel a bit better for putting it down in writing Smile

OP posts:
2018SoFarSoGreat · 22/12/2020 21:52

If you are willing to resign to make it stop, I strongly recommend that you say something first, don't just let her get away with this with no opportunity to hear you out.

I'd send an email letting her know that you would like her to be clear about her priorities: is her priority that you work, or that respond to her man requests for information about that work. You can't do both and the former appears to be much more helpful to the company.

I'd also ask her right out what it is that you have done - are doing - that has caused her to have so little trust in you? Or her team? Ask for specifics. Literally, ask.

I could not work like this either! Bloody infuriating.

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