To send the resignation email and tell her to F off?

[Needhelpnottodoit]

I've name changed for this, just in case (I'm a scaredy cat!)

My manager is fucking ridiculous, micro managing the shit out of the whole team. It's constant streams of emails, texts and phone calls checking where you are, what you're working on, why haven't you finished, why didn't you do this?

It's seriously degrading now, it's like she has no trust in anyone to just do their job!

It's a million times worse since lockdown and people working from home. I haven't been allowed to work from home, apparently I'm not good working at home so have been in the office right the way through!

The whole team are completely on the floor, exhausted and morale is extremely low.

Anyway, I have had to work from home today as I'm isolating and the constant emails questioning what I'm working on have just caused me to snap!

I have drafted a letter of resignation, I haven't sent it but was awfully close to sending. Clearly I wouldn't tell her to fuck off but I've just had enough, I've never slacked off on work or given her a reason to distrust me.

Is it just me though or are all managers this way? Seems I always end up with control freaks! Please tell me AINBU!

Ive had managers like this and the amount of stress it caused me was unreal.
Watched the clock for if you were even a minute late, called just to check you were at the desk, asked why you didn't reply in under 5 rings (the office was large from one end to other), wanted copying into emails, asked for a list of our daily work load and how long a task took - and so on...

At the moment our manager is someone who was promoted within the team so she knows what the job entails, communicates well, doesn't agree to us taking on tasks without knowing exactly what it entails, says no if she thinks people are taking the piss, is fair in terms of holiday requests, appointments etc, trusts us mostly to do our job and feedback to her as we need to (safeguarding roles)

Don't get me wrong there are the occasional differences but mostly we work well as a team and just get on with it. It's nice to not dread going to work.

I was in a job like this. Manager knew what we were doing (obviously) but left us to get on with it, rhen she went on Mat leave. Her replacement was based at another office. She decided that we needed to fill in a daily log of what we were doing - that didnt seem too unreasonable considering she was not there to see us, but then there wasn't enough detail, and then still not enough. In the end we logged everything down - including her phone calls and dealing with her emails, and after every action we listed one or two minutes for filling in our activity log. She eventually got the message!!

I do feel for you. I used to have to work like this and I don't now. I was so miserable and stressed, spending weekends and holidays worrying.

Your manager cannot have enough to do themselves if they have time to send all these mails. I wouldn't have the time even if I wanted to.

I still so appreciate how bloody kind and lovely my current boss is in contrast to the witch I used to work for who wielded power in absolutely the worst way.

I'd definitely leave if the whole environment is toxic. Fighting it only really works if you have an ally at a senior level.

Also just for the record draft emails can still be read on servers! So if it's in draft delete and then empty the trash!

She sounds like to sort of batshit crazy boss who would know this stuff.

Id just offer her access to my emails and cc her on everything you do, won't she get bored?

Oh I totally get you. I'm working on a very micro-managed project at the moment. There are 3 meetings a day to monitor progress and it's so frustrating because the meetings drag on and on, eating into the time I've set aside to get on with things. The other day, I rejected a meeting request because it was literally 15 minutes after the previous meeting. Then I ignored the emails that followed. Finally, I got a "super urgent" meeting request just as I started my lunch. When i grumpily signed into the meeting, I was told the meeting was to discuss how much work I had to do. By this point, I was furiously hangry and I snapped that, by ignoring the meetings that morning, I'd actually almost finished all of my tasks. They sheepishly ended the meeting. I'm normally quite placid but months of 3+ meetings a day combined with hunger hulked me out.

Once I had a new job lined up, I'd send her a link to two webcam live streams. One of my keyboard & screen and one of my face.
In the email, I'd say "I'd like to make your micro-managing more time efficient for the company, so instead of calling and emailing me constantly, click here in real time and you'll see exactly what I am doing at any minute of the day. Let me know if you need a running commentary out loud. I'll hang up a special notice with countdown timer when I take a bathroom break of course."
I'd wear a "F**k you" t-shirt too.

Micro managers are rife, particularly in middle management, I think. I generally view it as a sign that they're not confident or competent in their role, but it is soul destroying and incredibly damaging behaviour. I now work within a role where I have a lot of trust and freedom given to me, and it is so liberating (and I am so much more committed to the job in return, because I feel respected). Initially, though, I found it very difficult as my confidence and faith in my abilities had been so damaged by constant micro management in previous jobs.

I would absolutely secure a new job before handing in your resignation. No point dropping yourself in the shit for someone else's behaviour, but I'd be actively seeking a new job now, and I'd take great pleasure in doing so once you have a new job in place.

I tend to ignore a lot of these sort of emails . The more you service them,the worse they get. Its a form of mental illness. Eventually they go away.

I had this. I set a policy that I would check my e-mails twice a day, morning and noon due to it being proven to be more effective / productive.

Manager didn't like it but I got shit done without them being down my neck constantly.

If other colleagues needed something urgent they whatsapped or called.

@CoRhona

There is a delicious art to crafting fluffy emails full of stuff managers want to know, but which tell them nothing whatsoever.
As other posters have pointed out, they eventually get the message that they are actually hindering the work process and leave you alone. Or HR get involved and you have a lovely log of doing precisely what the manager asked for and a detailed explanation why you have been unable to do the very job you were hired for. The micro managers always get the message, to set back at that point!

Op, leave if you want but secure a job first, and then just hand in your notice.

I just quit a job I’d done for so many years because of a boss like this. It was suffocating and rage inducing. I’m in a better job now and afterwards I sent a very factual and unemotional email to HR to explain why I’d left. It was closure for me.

I have been in the position you are in now. I am usually a good team player and I work hard at what I do. However, when you reach a point where you simply cannot go on, you have very little to lose. I spoke to my then line Manager. I respectfully told him how he was making me feel. He laughed and told me to get back to work. So I raised A grievance with his boss. I let my colleagues know what I was doing and a few joined me. It.was risky. Outcome was the Manager got moved and I am still working for the same company. I still think I would rather have gone down in flames than left with a whimper.

Document and save what she’s doing.
Then, if you have HR, ask them to advise and develop you. Explain you’re finding the level of emails confusing in terms of not understanding why it’s necessary and interrupting you being able to get on with your task and ask them for advice in how to improve your skills and attitude in how to manage it. Don’t criticise or imply your boss is doing anything wrong- make it about you and you asking for advice. Once you show the issue with evidence to them they’ll be able to see that it’s your boss for themselves. But you’re giving them and your boss space to find a solution
Not making excuses, but sometimes bosses (control freaks) have a hard job trusting and delegating. With a bit of luck HR will see that and intervene with her development

And in the meantime look for jobs elsewhere anyway, don’t resign. Job market is likely to get worse before better so hang onto work if you have it.

Look for a new job. It might take a while but just starting the process will give you a new perspective. Wait until you have found and accepted the right offer for you and then politely resign. You can always privately feedback to HR on her managerial style once you have your new job in the bag and references submitted etc.

Call her out and ask her out right why she constantly asks you what you are doing and ask her if she trusts you. Bad leaders micromanage and sometimes they need this pointed out.

@Needhelpnottodoit

If you ignore, she sends more!

At this point I would recommend ignoring, and then parcelling them all up to the HR dept

Nah I speak to my boss once a week (if that) and we catch up on other relevant things on project calls.

When I started this job though my manager was a micro-managing bitch and a half. I hated her.

@DodoApplet

Just for what it’s worth, you should never send an email when you’re in any state other than perfectly calm and collected - and even then, if it’s even remotely contentious, sleep on it before making a final decision as to whether to send it or not. Secondly, if/when you do send it, don’t put in it anything whatsoever that you wouldn’t shout across a crowded room. Good luck, however you decide to proceed.

This

But absolutely find another job and leave.

And if you want to make a point, book an appointment w senior management and tell them verbally she is impossible.

@Needhelpnottodoit

I'm not going to put up with it much longer, I feel I might snap! I worry for my colleagues, everyone is so scared of her that they are literally working all the hours god sends to keep up with her demands!

Then to some extent it works.

Are you able to find any tangible fallibility in the her style? High turnover if staff, lack of creative thinking, less initiative more low level routine.

I've got a tricky boss at the moment. She leaves in 2 days?

Everything has to be done her way. Any suggestion that there could be a different way is seen as an insult. Even when it's bleeding obvious to everybody including her that something doesn't work, she'll keep us doing it rather than admit she was wrong. I believe it's insecurity.

Keep her fully up to date on what you're doing with lots of detail, and don't forget to say how long you're spending keeping her up to date.

I really feel for you, I couldn't work with someone constantly on my back; however there will someone on her back too.

Don't resign now but when things are generally better, if the situation doesn't improve, look around for another job where you will not be so demoralised. Keep that as your focus and you'll get through. Presumably you'll be having at least a week off starting on Thursday so try to relax and enjoy.

How much work does the bloody manager have to do if she has all this spare time? Fucking hell haha

I manage a small team and I’d never have this kinda time - I regularly have to cancel catch ups with them cus I’m so busy with my own work - mostly I just check in with them and make sure they are all ok / don’t need me for anything urgent!!
They are all getting on with their work themselves - if they had to stop to send me updates constantly it would be massively time wasting surely?

I can’t see the point of it at all!

Unless someone is falling behind or not doing their work then I have nothing to be checking up on!

I’d deffo not be letting her get away with this tbh! I would be looking for a new job of course - but I’d be wanting to call her out/ get this flagged and make sure it’s know exactly why you are going

I had a manager like that previously. She reduced me to tears many times.

In the end I left, and she told the team she was 'too busy' to do the usual short goodbye talk. Somebody else from the team had to do it. I was so embarrassed.

About a week later, she rang me at home to ask me about another team member's work and asked me how I was 'getting on' in my new job.

That was many years ago and I STILL wish I had hung up on her there and then!

As it's got so bad that you might resign anyway, you might as well tell her what you really think

''You're micro managing me. It's not necessary. I'm conscientious, I'm experienced, I can manage my own time. I can do this. You're not getting the best out of me right now. Can I count on you to trust me/give me space in the new year?''

1 - Don’t send any resignation yet
2 - Line up another job ASAP.
3 - Send professional resignation to HR
4 - Spend your notice period sending her emails every 15 minutes with questions that need answers before you can proceed.
5 - Ensure chaos by the time you leave.

I wouldn’t bother fighting for wfh - if they haven’t allowed it by now they’re never going to.
HR are not there for workers EVER so don’t bother with them either.
Union are useful in some circumstances, but this sounds rubbish and if you’ve got other options you should leave.
Bad Managers and crappy work cultures do not deserve good workers.