Partner not spending xmas eve with us

[Somebodyimportant1]

Ok, I know I am most probably being reasonable in thinking this is not right but want to see what others make of it.

So partner just got back after breaking up for 2 years. He is still not living with us fulltime (still mostly at his mothers because he said it's closer to work and saves him money on petrol 🙄)

Because London is now in tier 4, he is saying he will have to spend xmas eve with his mother and come to use (myself & 2 kids) on xmas day. now knowing his mother is very manipulative she wouldn't want him to leave her to come to us as she hates me, I doubt he be with us on time on xmas day till late.

I told him to tell his mum to go to his sister who is about 10 mins drive from her so that he can come to spend xmas eve and day with his kids but he said his mother would not leave the house but she was initially planning to got to his sister until the rules changed a few days ago to tier 4.

I told him his kids are more important & should be his 1st priority and nothing else.

AIBU to say his mum should just go ahead to his sister for him to come down xmas with his family?

What tier are you and what tier is he?

Is his mother in tier 4?

In which case, she shouldn't really be going to his sister's.

He is coming on Xmas day and you see already assuming he will let you and the kids down and show up very late.

Why are you back together? It doesn't seem like you like him very much or that he has shown much commitment to the relationship with you.

Well his mum isn't allowed to his sisters if they're in tier 4 so YABU for that. And he is only allowed to yours if you're bubbled, which doesn't sound like it's the case. The kids can move between parents but parents cant move between households.

@poshme his mother and sister are both in tier 4

@Nottherealslimshady he is in our bubble and i am in tier 3

There should be no movement between houses or any mixing in tier 4. So unless there are already support bubbles in place, his mother and sister should be going nowhere.

Sorry OP, under the rules. He can’t go anywhere 🤷🏻‍♀️

He can’t come to you at all. And his mum can’t go to his sisters.

I am saying to him, since you are in our bubble, spend xmas eve day with your 80+-year-old mother and come spend xmas eve night and xmas day with the kids. AIBU?

He can’t go to his Mothers at all can he?

He's not supposed to come to you at all, under the tier 4 rules there are no bubbles anymore.

TBH tiers aside you’re clearly trying to make a partnership work where only you sound committed. His lower petrol costs and shorter drive is keeping him away from his parter and children? He’s not fussed about waking up with you all on Christmas Day and using the pandemic as an excuse? Think you have bigger problems then tier movement. Sorry

YABU to try to dictate to an adult who does not live with you what he does.
He was an ex for a reason. Has that reason magically disappeared?

He lives in tier 4 with his mother.

His mother cannot leave her home to go anywhere else as she cannot bubble with anyone due to not being a single adult household.

If you're a single adult household then yes, he can be your bubble if he already was (which it seems is the case).

Because you've kids, and his mother cannot go anywhere, I think him coming to you just on xmas day is fair but even then shouldn't be for an excessive amount of time even if permitted as he is tier 4 and the risk is still there even though he is allowed

@DoTheNextRightThing

He's not supposed to come to you at all, under the tier 4 rules there are no bubbles anymore.

That isn't correct as far as I can tell. Support bubbles still exist.

@DoTheNextRightThing yes support bubbles for people living on their own are still allowed even in tier 4.

How are you expecting his Mum to go to his sisters in tier 4? She can’t be bubbled with the sister as she doesn’t live alone?

Sounds like he was an ex for a reason. He’s clearly not that into you or family life. Tell him he can stay where he is for good.

Oh sorry, I must have gotten that confused. I'm not in tier 4 but I thought that's what Boris said at his briefing. Apologies!

He lives with his mother so he isn't able to form a bubble with you. If he is tier 4 he cant go anywhere

If he’s the children’s father they could go to him but I’m not sure he can come to you.

Why are you with him?

Heisherlobster

" TBH tiers aside you’re clearly trying to make a partnership work where only you sound committed. His lower petrol costs and shorter drive is keeping him away from his parter and children? He’s not fussed about waking up with you all on Christmas Day and using the pandemic as an excuse? Think you have bigger problems then tier movement. Sorry "

This is pretty much what I came on to say.

If he is in your bubble then, by default, so is his mother. She can’t can’t go to her daughters, as I understand it she can’t go for Christmas Day either (because her household is already bubbled with you). I can see why he doesn’t want his mum to be alone at Christmas and your kids aren’t going to care whether he is there or not, it would be for your benefit if he came on Christmas Eve. Accept everyone’s plans have had to be modified this year and let him be with him mum this year if he wants - he can be with you and the kids next year.

@notdaddycool

If he’s the children’s father they could go to him but I’m not sure he can come to you.

They can if they're in a support bubble together. The introduction of tier 4 doesn't mean support bubbles no longer exist.