What would you do (Scotland travel ban related)

[PhyllisPhysalis]

Please tell me what you would do if you were me. What you would really do in this situation.

I am a key worker and work shifts.

I had a baby earlier this year. DH and I live away from family, we live in Scotland and our family don't, so family have only met DC once (after first lockdown ended) since they were born.

When we knew we could spend Christmas with families, DH decided that he would go over to family with DC yesterday morning, and I would work a few more shifts leading up to Christmas then head on Monday to join them, having a week off from then.

Now, they are all there, and I am here, and stuck, on my own, away from DC and potentially spending Christmas here with nobody, missing one DC's first Christmas. I cannot do it. I can't miss this. It feels so unfair because, if I hadn't offered to work this week in the lead-up then I'd already be there with them. We have been completely obeying the rules (our area has been under tight restrictions since August already), and we didn't break the rules because we wanted to make sure it was all safe for Christmas. And now I will be sitting on my own while my own children are somewhere else, all because of a rule that I am not allowed to cross the Scottish border. While everyone who has family in Scotland is still allowed to travel to see theirs.

I can't miss my baby's first Christmas. My older DC will be distraught that their mum is not there. I am distraught at the thought of it. This feels like punishment for being a key worker who is working the lead-up, otherwise I'd already be there too. And we don't even know when DH and DC will be allowed to travel back - it could be weeks! I cannot bear that, I need to be with my baby.

What would you do?

What do I do? AIBU to want to just go?

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

So for one days childcare the decision was to travel miles by boat rather than book a days annual leave, take dependants leave or book a sitter?

If taking annual leave was an option do you think we'd be in this mess? Clearly some posters have very flexible jobs and have no idea what other jobs are like.

"Book a sitter". A random stranger who has been in contact with God knows how many people, who is available this close to Christmas, who we then risk picking something up from and then taking to family a few days later? Instead of doing what was allowed and having family provide childcare, the same family we were going to be staying with anyway, thereby incurring no extra risk. I very much doubt that you would do that, if you were me.

@PhyllisPhysalis you weren’t actually allowed under childcare bubble rules either. You cannot socialise/mix with the adults in a childcare bubble so your DH couldn’t stay with family for it. Anyway, definitely not allowed now so he’ll have to come back, you can’t travel to them.

Are you a registered health care professional? If so, you would need to report any fine etc to your regulator, which could have repercussions as they have a statutory duty to investigate matters. Worst case scenario, it coukd kead to FTP proceedings

If you are, I would strongly recommend your DH comes home. If you are not, check your disciplinary policy and see what the position is regarding fines/convictions etc - remember enhanced DBS checks can show up cautions. If there is no issue, you could go. If there is an issue, again, DH should come home

I’m a nurse.

There’s not a cat in hell’s chance I would have booked a total stranger to babysit my children, including a young baby who couldn’t possibly social distance and ESPECIALLY not in a bloody pandemic when they’ve been caring for lots of other stranger’s children in different homes at close quarters. Really badly thought out suggestion.

Your husband should travel home with the dc.

It's a social support bubble for infants.

I'm glad your DH is looking into coming home as I think movement is going to get very restricted for everyone really soon and you all risk being stranded away from home. You were foolish to split up like that though as a time like this. We have friends who live OS and they decided, back in March, to not travel separately this year, in case one got stranded away the others. I guess you've learned that lesson now.

No you should not go. Your DH should return home as per the guidance.

This whole plan was not within the rules nor the law. You might have been allowed to travel outside the LA area for the essential reason of childcare, but an adult (your husband) was never allowed to stay in another household overnight for that to happen.

@chocolateanyone

The OP lives in Scotland and she has never mentioned travelling to Ireland (sorry if I missed that) so maybe believe her when she says they haven't broken any travel bans. There are other islands you can travel to up here

The OP said he had travelled to see family for childcare as family don't live in Scotland....... The only other ferry is to Northern Ireland unless they were stow aways on the freight ferry to Europe..... So yep pretty obvious it's Northern Ireland to either be in Northern Ireland or drive to the Republic of Ireland.

The OP said he had travelled to see family for childcare as family don't live in Scotland....... The only other ferry is to Northern Ireland unless they were stow aways on the freight ferry to Europe..... So yep pretty obvious it's Northern Ireland to either be in Northern Ireland or drive to the Republic of Ireland.

Er ... the OP could LIVE on a Scottish island (necessitating ferry to the mainland), or the family could be on the Isle of Man, or the Isle of Wight ...

@zafferana

The OP said he had travelled to see family for childcare as family don't live in Scotland....... The only other ferry is to Northern Ireland unless they were stow aways on the freight ferry to Europe..... So yep pretty obvious it's Northern Ireland to either be in Northern Ireland or drive to the Republic of Ireland.

Er ... the OP could LIVE on a Scottish island (necessitating ferry to the mainland), or the family could be on the Isle of Man, or the Isle of Wight ...

Except Isle of Man is only allowing residents and its a 600 mile drive to the ferry for the Isle of Wight...... Not sure how that would happen in an evening.....

When you live in Scotland you know what travel options are!

Okay, well she could still live on Shetland!

Just go OP, be with your kids at Christmas - I cannot imagine anyone in real life not doing this, especially as it's your baby's first Christmas. Yeah baby is with the other parent but imagine how devastated the OP would be to not be there, and how upset her kids will be.

Hope you are all together whatever is decided :-)

This thread is utterly depressing. Who wants to live in a world where people would even think it’s ok for a parent to be away from their child at Christmas because of ridiculous arbitrary rules? And for those who just want to talk about how her DH has already broken the rules, how does that help? And why do you care so much?
OP please go and be with your family

@bettybyebye

This thread is utterly depressing. Who wants to live in a world where people would even think it’s ok for a parent to be away from their child at Christmas because of ridiculous arbitrary rules? And for those who just want to talk about how her DH has already broken the rules, how does that help? And why do you care so much? OP please go and be with your family

I’ll take this one .. Because if people keep doing what they like because they think they’re the exception the this will carrying on for so much longer than it has to . It’s easier for her husband to go back he to where they live rather than op go down there and have to them come back anyway . Much less risky for all involved .

*go back home

Who wants to live in a world where people would even think it’s ok for a parent to be away from their child at Christmas because of ridiculous arbitrary rules

I don't think anyone has actually said that though. The majority have said the OPs husband needs to return home rather than her break the rules and go visiting family