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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do (Scotland travel ban related)

143 replies

PhyllisPhysalis · 20/12/2020 14:59

Please tell me what you would do if you were me. What you would really do in this situation.

I am a key worker and work shifts.

I had a baby earlier this year. DH and I live away from family, we live in Scotland and our family don't, so family have only met DC once (after first lockdown ended) since they were born.

When we knew we could spend Christmas with families, DH decided that he would go over to family with DC yesterday morning, and I would work a few more shifts leading up to Christmas then head on Monday to join them, having a week off from then.

Now, they are all there, and I am here, and stuck, on my own, away from DC and potentially spending Christmas here with nobody, missing one DC's first Christmas. I cannot do it. I can't miss this. It feels so unfair because, if I hadn't offered to work this week in the lead-up then I'd already be there with them. We have been completely obeying the rules (our area has been under tight restrictions since August already), and we didn't break the rules because we wanted to make sure it was all safe for Christmas. And now I will be sitting on my own while my own children are somewhere else, all because of a rule that I am not allowed to cross the Scottish border. While everyone who has family in Scotland is still allowed to travel to see theirs.

I can't miss my baby's first Christmas. My older DC will be distraught that their mum is not there. I am distraught at the thought of it. This feels like punishment for being a key worker who is working the lead-up, otherwise I'd already be there too. And we don't even know when DH and DC will be allowed to travel back - it could be weeks! I cannot bear that, I need to be with my baby.

What would you do?

What do I do? AIBU to want to just go?

OP posts:
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 20/12/2020 15:44

You said yourself that if you hadn't put down for extra shifts you'd be there already too, so stop over egging the childcare angle. You, like many others, wanted to spend Christmas with family.

It's a shame, but the rules have changed. Not that you were sticking to them anyway, but your DH needs to bring the children home.

He managed on the way there because he wanted to go, I'm sure he'll manage on the way home.

Historygeek05 · 20/12/2020 15:45

Please go.

Frollocks · 20/12/2020 15:45

What happens to your job if you go considering "And we don't even know when DH and DC will be allowed to travel back - it could be weeks!"

Mylittleturkeysandwich · 20/12/2020 15:46

I agree it's shit but DH needs to come back with your child.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 20/12/2020 15:49

Northern Ireland? Anyhow, I would go now, you have until the 26th I believe to travel.

Blankiefan · 20/12/2020 15:50

Dh should come back. He'll survive the solo trip with the kids then you can all settle down for the safest xmas.

As he'd be coming back at some point, this isn't an extra trip. If you go, it is.

I get that it's shit and you could have had a different xmas. But we all could. My MIL died this morning from COVID. We'll be having a different xmas from the one we might have had too.

wishful2012 · 20/12/2020 15:50

I live on the border and there has been more police and they announced that they are doubling the police on the border.

Original poster
PhyllisPhysalis · 20/12/2020 15:55

@Frollocks

What happens to your job if you go considering "And we don't even know when DH and DC will be allowed to travel back - it could be weeks!"
If we were all travelling back together then that would be one thing as I am going to work. But if I am not there and DH and DC have no "legitimate" reason to travel back (other than the 'social' reason of not seeing me, and I don't know if reuniting children with a parent counts as an exception in the rules) then I didn't know if that would be permitted or they'd all get stopped.

My shifts were set, I agreed to do others on the days in between too since DH was going to be away anyway because DC needed looking after while he worked. This was, at the time, within the rules.

OP posts:
Blankiefan · 20/12/2020 16:00

They will not get stopped for coming home. Its not a legal question- its a moral one.

nosswith · 20/12/2020 16:09

I think DH and the DC should come back. Going back to your home given the needs of a child will be accepted and cause less difficulties.

Check on the childcare exemptions as well.

Tinselerama21 · 20/12/2020 16:14

As long as you’re not putting older relatives at risk given given you’re a key worker I think you have to go or DH and baby come back.....you can’t leave your under 1 infant without you 😱

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/12/2020 16:41

But if I am not there and DH and DC have no "legitimate" reason to travel back (other than the 'social' reason of not seeing me, and I don't know if reuniting children with a parent counts as an exception in the rules) then I didn't know if that would be permitted or they'd all get stopped.

They’d be returning to their permanent home, it’s not a social reason. I wouldn’t rely on being able to get a boat if it’s Ireland/Northern Ireland your travel to/from. The safest, most sensible choice would be for him to come home - might not be what you want to do.

I think you’re stretching the rules claiming the original trip was for childcare - especially given you’d have gone with him if you hadn’t picked up additional work.

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/12/2020 16:42

you can’t leave your under 1 infant without you 😱

The infant under 1 is with their other parent, and the OP wasn’t too concerned about not being with her infant while her DP went on ahead.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/12/2020 16:57

So he went on yesterday on Saturday and you planned to join him Monday and he needed childcare??

Or do you mean next Monday in which case you would have missed Christmas anyway and been outside the travel window.

UrAWizHarry · 20/12/2020 17:02

Your DH needs to return.

Original poster
PhyllisPhysalis · 20/12/2020 17:03

@Jellycatspyjamas

you can’t leave your under 1 infant without you 😱

The infant under 1 is with their other parent, and the OP wasn’t too concerned about not being with her infant while her DP went on ahead.

Two days while I'd be at work is a bit different to a week and a half Hmm
OP posts:
Brighterthansunflowers · 20/12/2020 17:04

DH shouldn’t have travelled already, that was against the rules

Surely the obvious answer is he comes back home to you with the children?

user1487194234 · 20/12/2020 17:08

Just go

willloman · 20/12/2020 17:08

Go. Tell 'em you're off to specsavers...
Seriously do go. Tell them you are key worker etc if they stop you. Maybe wear work clothes while you drive? Good luck

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/12/2020 17:08

It is, yes but you must have been living under a rock to not consider the possibility that this would happen.

Lollyneenah · 20/12/2020 17:13

GoWine

2Rebecca · 20/12/2020 17:13

Agree that your husband should not have been travelling already. The Christmas meet up rules were supposed to be 24-28 originally. No one was supposed to travel anywhere unnecessary until the 24th

Kinneddar · 20/12/2020 17:15

But if I am not there and DH and DC have no "legitimate" reason to travel back

Yes they have, they're returning home. Its perfectly legal whereas if you travel to them you will be breaking the rules. And what if there's a problem getting home once we're in lockdown.

He needs to come home. The family have had time with your baby. Theres no reason for him not to come home early

maryberryslayers · 20/12/2020 17:20

For goodness sake OP, just go and be with your family. There is no need to be apart, there is no more risk to anyone by you joining your family. If you get stopped just say having finished work you are going to be with your infant child who is currently being looked after by GP's, as was the plan before the rules changed. It's well within the childcare exemptions.
There's people that clearly flout the rules, you are not one of them. Enjoy your baby's first Christmas.

Kinneddar · 20/12/2020 17:22

There's people that clearly flout the rules, you are not one of them

How do you work that out. Shes planning on breaking the rules when its un necessary. Its still flouting the rules. Just as her husband did when he travelled