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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do (Scotland travel ban related)

143 replies

PhyllisPhysalis · 20/12/2020 14:59

Please tell me what you would do if you were me. What you would really do in this situation.

I am a key worker and work shifts.

I had a baby earlier this year. DH and I live away from family, we live in Scotland and our family don't, so family have only met DC once (after first lockdown ended) since they were born.

When we knew we could spend Christmas with families, DH decided that he would go over to family with DC yesterday morning, and I would work a few more shifts leading up to Christmas then head on Monday to join them, having a week off from then.

Now, they are all there, and I am here, and stuck, on my own, away from DC and potentially spending Christmas here with nobody, missing one DC's first Christmas. I cannot do it. I can't miss this. It feels so unfair because, if I hadn't offered to work this week in the lead-up then I'd already be there with them. We have been completely obeying the rules (our area has been under tight restrictions since August already), and we didn't break the rules because we wanted to make sure it was all safe for Christmas. And now I will be sitting on my own while my own children are somewhere else, all because of a rule that I am not allowed to cross the Scottish border. While everyone who has family in Scotland is still allowed to travel to see theirs.

I can't miss my baby's first Christmas. My older DC will be distraught that their mum is not there. I am distraught at the thought of it. This feels like punishment for being a key worker who is working the lead-up, otherwise I'd already be there too. And we don't even know when DH and DC will be allowed to travel back - it could be weeks! I cannot bear that, I need to be with my baby.

What would you do?

What do I do? AIBU to want to just go?

OP posts:
Brunt0n · 20/12/2020 19:48

Your husband and children should be heading home. Where we are all meant to be fucking staying

Petitmum · 20/12/2020 19:49

He should come home.

Original poster
PhyllisPhysalis · 20/12/2020 20:00

icecream because nurseries were open until Friday Hmm

OP posts:
Newkitchen123 · 20/12/2020 20:26

I don't get why you're saying you'll miss the child's first Christmas when dad can just bring the child home. Yes it's a long journey but it's the most obvious solution

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/12/2020 20:27

But you knew the nurseries were closing and said you offered to do additional shifts, which I understand but you can’t say the situation was unavoidable.

Rosiedo · 20/12/2020 20:31

OP will you be able to go now with some countries saying they aren’t letting U.K. travellers in? If you can, I would go but I would go sooner rather than later xx

TheFairyCaravan · 20/12/2020 20:42

Your DH and the DC need to come back. They shouldn’t have gone in the first place.

DecemberDiana · 20/12/2020 20:50

You can't work and look after an infant though.

TammyPushkin · 20/12/2020 21:02

@PhyllisPhysalis

Please tell me what you would do if you were me. What you would really do in this situation.

I am a key worker and work shifts.

I had a baby earlier this year. DH and I live away from family, we live in Scotland and our family don't, so family have only met DC once (after first lockdown ended) since they were born.

When we knew we could spend Christmas with families, DH decided that he would go over to family with DC yesterday morning, and I would work a few more shifts leading up to Christmas then head on Monday to join them, having a week off from then.

Now, they are all there, and I am here, and stuck, on my own, away from DC and potentially spending Christmas here with nobody, missing one DC's first Christmas. I cannot do it. I can't miss this. It feels so unfair because, if I hadn't offered to work this week in the lead-up then I'd already be there with them. We have been completely obeying the rules (our area has been under tight restrictions since August already), and we didn't break the rules because we wanted to make sure it was all safe for Christmas. And now I will be sitting on my own while my own children are somewhere else, all because of a rule that I am not allowed to cross the Scottish border. While everyone who has family in Scotland is still allowed to travel to see theirs.

I can't miss my baby's first Christmas. My older DC will be distraught that their mum is not there. I am distraught at the thought of it. This feels like punishment for being a key worker who is working the lead-up, otherwise I'd already be there too. And we don't even know when DH and DC will be allowed to travel back - it could be weeks! I cannot bear that, I need to be with my baby.

What would you do?

What do I do? AIBU to want to just go?

Ew
Retiremental · 20/12/2020 21:10

I’m assuming this is Ireland?
The Republic of Ireland has banned all flights/ferries from the UK from midnight.

The Northern Ireland executive are meeting tonight and I wonder if they may enforce a travel ban from mainland UK.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/12/2020 22:05

@PhyllisPhysalis

icecream because nurseries were open until Friday Hmm
But you were joining them tomorrow so what childcare did he need over the weekend when nursery would have been shut anyway? As they do every weekend.
Thisseatisnotavailable · 20/12/2020 22:45

You seem pretty determined that your dh hasn't broken any rules so it seems like you are just looking for validation in doing what you want to.

It seems though that your dh has taken advice from the Dominic Cummings school of childcare. Half the country have had to balance wfh with childcare, not easy I understand, but it's been the same for many.

Go if that's what you want to do, but can you honestly say that you agreed with it when DC did it?

Lovely1a2b3c · 20/12/2020 23:00

Wow, people are so harsh.

I hope you get to be with your DH and DC somehow this Christmas OP.

bestofme21 · 20/12/2020 23:13

I'd go

R2G · 21/12/2020 01:54

Yes go or them come back

MervGriffinShow · 21/12/2020 02:14

This doesn't make any sense. If your DH went on Saturday and you were planning to travel on Monday then nursery being closed wouldn't matter, and there would be no need for additional childcare.

He needs to come home, irrespective of how difficult he may find a journey with his own children. Its a bit disappointing that a key worker is so ignorant of the rules.

chocolateanyone · 21/12/2020 08:16

The OP lives in Scotland and she has never mentioned travelling to Ireland (sorry if I missed that) so maybe believe her when she says they haven't broken any travel bans. There are other islands you can travel to up here

AlternativePerspective · 21/12/2020 08:31

It goes without saying that A, your dh shouldn’t have gone in the first place as it clearly had nothing to do with work given he travelled on Sunday and you were going the next day, so no-one is going to buy that one.

And B, the majority of the UK will return back to the tier system on the 26th, with some e.g. Wales/Northern Ireland going into full lockdown, so travel won’t be possible.

Added to which in the UK overnight stays with other households are not permitted, and at the time you finished work, the need for childcare was no longer applicable even if you thought you could make it fly beforehand.

To the PP who said OP could be going somewhere more local, she said she is crossing the border. It might not be Ireland but if there’s a ferry or possible plane journey involved then it’s not likely to be one of the islands near there as they aren’t considered to be over the border...

OP your DH needs to come back. This is a no-brainer. Otherwise you run the risk that, if wherever he’s gone introduces travel bans both to/from you could be apart from your DH and DC for months.

Original poster
PhyllisPhysalis · 21/12/2020 09:01

Alternative he didn't travel on Sunday. He travelled on Saturday morning. Nursery closed Friday. We both have to work today, there was no nursery today because nursery is now closed, so he took the DC to his family so they could look after them yesterday and today, Monday, while he is working. I can't look after them today because I am also working on a shift I couldn't get off. I was planning on travelling later this evening once I finished work. None of this was a problem until 5pm on Saturday when the rules changed.

Anyway he's going to look into travelling back over on Wednesday after work.

What a mess.

OP posts:
Fluffybutter · 21/12/2020 09:08

Definitely seems the best and safest option is for your dh to travel home so at least he’s looking in to it .
I know I’d rather be at home than stuck in someone else’s house for what could be a long time .

DecemberDiana · 21/12/2020 09:09

Yes events are moving at a rate. Getting home seems the best plan. Good luck op.Flowers

hardboiledeggs · 21/12/2020 09:17

You DH did actually break the rules. The Christmas allowance was from the 23rd to the 27th of December not before. I'd would either go anyway or ask your DH to come back home. The worry is if you are one of the unlucky ones that get stopped. Such a shame for you, must be horrible.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/12/2020 09:18

So for one days childcare the decision was to travel miles by boat rather than book a days annual leave, take dependants leave or book a sitter?

Ewentheawakesheep · 21/12/2020 09:23

Agree he needs to come back home. I would be asking him to do that before Wednesday to make sure there are no issues too close to Christmas (eg boat full etc)

DecemberDiana · 21/12/2020 09:33

I would no way book a sitter to look after a tiny child. Not normal at all in my view.

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