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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you do (Scotland travel ban related)

143 replies

PhyllisPhysalis · 20/12/2020 14:59

Please tell me what you would do if you were me. What you would really do in this situation.

I am a key worker and work shifts.

I had a baby earlier this year. DH and I live away from family, we live in Scotland and our family don't, so family have only met DC once (after first lockdown ended) since they were born.

When we knew we could spend Christmas with families, DH decided that he would go over to family with DC yesterday morning, and I would work a few more shifts leading up to Christmas then head on Monday to join them, having a week off from then.

Now, they are all there, and I am here, and stuck, on my own, away from DC and potentially spending Christmas here with nobody, missing one DC's first Christmas. I cannot do it. I can't miss this. It feels so unfair because, if I hadn't offered to work this week in the lead-up then I'd already be there with them. We have been completely obeying the rules (our area has been under tight restrictions since August already), and we didn't break the rules because we wanted to make sure it was all safe for Christmas. And now I will be sitting on my own while my own children are somewhere else, all because of a rule that I am not allowed to cross the Scottish border. While everyone who has family in Scotland is still allowed to travel to see theirs.

I can't miss my baby's first Christmas. My older DC will be distraught that their mum is not there. I am distraught at the thought of it. This feels like punishment for being a key worker who is working the lead-up, otherwise I'd already be there too. And we don't even know when DH and DC will be allowed to travel back - it could be weeks! I cannot bear that, I need to be with my baby.

What would you do?

What do I do? AIBU to want to just go?

OP posts:
SavageBeauty73 · 20/12/2020 17:26

He should return home with the kids.

Gingerkittykat · 20/12/2020 17:57

You've already knowingly broken the rules, I don't think you can really find an exception to the rules to allow you to go there but your DH can come back.

Having said that, I'd probably just go under the circumstances providing you can get on the ferry. I don't know if they will do any kind of postcode checks. I've heard they are doing checks on reg plates and seeing where the car is registered so you also need to be wary of that.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/12/2020 18:06

The childcare exemption is just for childcare, the parents can’t be there at the same time.

The excuse nursery was closed is neither here nor there given it was a weekend anyway so nurseries would alway have been closed.

lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 20/12/2020 18:09

Go . Just go.

anon444877 · 20/12/2020 18:15

Worst case, if you got caught and fined, would it be a provoke for your job? If not, I'd go.

PearlclutchersInc · 20/12/2020 18:16

Like someone else said get them to come home.

Everybody and their granny's dog has some pressing and consuming reason for not having to follow the rules. Hmm

Redglitter · 20/12/2020 18:19

I wouldn't risk going. With the new lockdown coming into place on Boxing Day what if you can't get back. How will your employers look on it if they become aware you've broken the guidelines.

Your husband should never have gone & you know you shouldn't be going either. He needs to come home

Too many people are looking for loopholes to justify doing what suits them, which is part of the reason we're in this bloody mess

Scottishskifun · 20/12/2020 18:19

Your DH has already broken the rules (travel ban has been in since 20th of Nov) the travel window was from the 22nd for NI/Ireland. Republic of Ireland is due to stop people from the UK at midnight tonight.

It's up to you personally I would ask DH to come home rather than risk being turned around but that's me.

LilyRose89 · 20/12/2020 18:29

Go without a second hesitation. I’m sure you are exempt from the rule if it is to join your own child you live with. Just be extra careful with masks, distance, sanitiser etc

amusedbush · 20/12/2020 18:39

You keep saying that your DH hasn’t broken the rules but he has. You’re not supposed to leave your council area and childcare is handing the kids off to another caregiver, not hanging around the house wfh so he should not have travelled.

The travel window was supposed to start on the 23rd so all of your plans to travel before then were against the rules.

Don’t travel there, ask him to come home.

Saz12 · 20/12/2020 18:41

DH & DC need to travel back home to you. If he has anything with him to prove his permanent home address (driving license, passport) then they should have absolutely no issues getting back now. Your DC have seen grandparents now as DH stretched the rules, which is more than a lot of families will manage. You won’t be spending Christmas away from them.

It’s shit for everyone, I know how rubbish this all is.

chocolateanyone · 20/12/2020 18:43

If you go, when do you plan to come home? Or are you staying there until the end of this lockdown?

bg21 · 20/12/2020 18:44

I think you should stop faffing about on here and get your bags packed and ready to go, you'll be on here forever arguing with the oh so righteous bunch lol just get packed and go see your babies for Christmas x

Waveysnail · 20/12/2020 18:46

Tell your husband to come home. Ridiculous if your travelling from scotland to NI. This is why the virus is spreading.

TokyoSushi · 20/12/2020 18:46

Can you say where they are? It seems like other countries are rapidly closing borders to us and our new strain of the virus so you might not even have the option?

Newkitchen123 · 20/12/2020 18:48

It makes more sense for him to come back

carmelsundae · 20/12/2020 19:01

It seems that you are looking for reassurance to break the rules further and have excuses why other things can't be done etc. The only way to keep to the rules is for him to come back before Christmas. I work for the NHS and there is no way that I would be able to phone into work and say I had to take time off because I had broken the rules in place. Actually I feel quite strongly about this and feel that staff who do break the rules and then have to isolate should he disciplined and shouldn't be paid for their leave. We all know the rules, just stick to them.

Original poster
PhyllisPhysalis · 20/12/2020 19:27

Thank you for the views, everyone.

The "you already broke the rules" comments are quite annoying though. We have not been under lockdown or a travel ban which meant you weren't allowed to have family do childcare since earlier in the summer. Yes, we could have got our parents to make the reverse journey to do the childcare when nursery was closed but that would have been ridiculous, more risky, and would have involved an extra journey in comparison to this plan we had (which was fine until tea time yesterday). The rules haven't said you have to look after your own children while working for ages.

OP posts:
Kinneddar · 20/12/2020 19:31

The rules have said not to leave your local authority area for weeks now. Its been quite clear

Brighterthansunflowers · 20/12/2020 19:34

Another one who thinks the rules don’t apply to them. Fantastic.

Why bother posting if you don’t give a shit about travelling when it’s not allowed as your DH has already done and you intend to do?

vanillandhoney · 20/12/2020 19:41

Your DH needs to come home before Christmas. Travel bans and tougher restrictions begin on Boxing Day in many parts of the UK.

Willow2017 · 20/12/2020 19:42

@zafferana

The Scottish border is also supposed to be closed to people coming from England - didn't any of you watch Nicola Sturgeon at 5.30pm yesterday? She's been itching to do this since March and now she's suddenly got a cast iron reason for doing it.
This is impossible and wont happen. How the heck can they close the border to traffic? Its 96 miles long with a myriad of small roads crossing it ffs. Plus all the workers who cross it every day, food supplies, trades people, manufactured goods, farmers. How would scotland survive without food supplies for 3 weeks?
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/12/2020 19:42

@PhyllisPhysalis

Thank you for the views, everyone.

The "you already broke the rules" comments are quite annoying though. We have not been under lockdown or a travel ban which meant you weren't allowed to have family do childcare since earlier in the summer. Yes, we could have got our parents to make the reverse journey to do the childcare when nursery was closed but that would have been ridiculous, more risky, and would have involved an extra journey in comparison to this plan we had (which was fine until tea time yesterday). The rules haven't said you have to look after your own children while working for ages.

How have you managed weekend childcare to date? Strange you only need the weekend before Christmas
emilyfrost · 20/12/2020 19:43

Shared parenting is, as you thought, for separated parents not parents who have chosen to break the rules and go & visit people.

You say he hasn't broken the rules, but he has. It wasn't permitted to stay in someone's house and 'childcare' is 'hand over the children to be cared for' not the parents to be in the hone as well

DH needs to bring the children home instead of you looking for a way around the rules. You say you don't want to be making I'm special exemptions, but that's exactly what you're trying to do.

Your DH shouldn't have gone & you definitely shouldn't go. Along with thousands of others, your plans need to be changed.

Absolutely this.

Scottishskifun · 20/12/2020 19:44

@PhyllisPhysalis

Thank you for the views, everyone.

The "you already broke the rules" comments are quite annoying though. We have not been under lockdown or a travel ban which meant you weren't allowed to have family do childcare since earlier in the summer. Yes, we could have got our parents to make the reverse journey to do the childcare when nursery was closed but that would have been ridiculous, more risky, and would have involved an extra journey in comparison to this plan we had (which was fine until tea time yesterday). The rules haven't said you have to look after your own children while working for ages.

It has been the law since the 20th of November not to travel between Scotland/England/Wales/Northern Ireland and Republic of Ireland. Just because you weren't aware of them doesn't mean that they didn't exist. Informal childcare in all the tiers states children should be the ones going inside not sure if that's really possible if travelling....

So I'm sorry that you find it frustrating but yes you have broken the travel rules