Fuck it. Let’s have a ‘Shit Secret Santa’ thread.

[Retiremental]

Mine hit a new low spot this year with Bayliss and fucking Harding

I was given a pair of purple satin and lace knickers one year. If the giver thought I would be offended they were wrong. I wore them for years.

Ive been given thongs, condoms, books about farting in the past. It was easier to laugh and look pleased I found. I hope everything I gave was liked but it is difficult if you don’t know the person.

Antibacterial genital wash. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! Opened it up in front of my whole team.

I once got a cardboard box with two large honeydew melons with rubber teats sellotaped on, with the caption to the girl with more front than Blackpool.

I was a 34c at the time.

I almost cried in front of everyone. This was 25 years ago and I’d like to think this wouldn’t happen nowadays.

Someone gave me a cheap, out of date box of jelly sweets. The budget was £15.

A collegue came in really excited one day because she had found me an amazing secret santa present. She kept going on about it all week and built it up to be something special. It was a vegetable calender. Which would have been fine enough but she built it up into something that would rock my world. I couldn't help but feel disappointed. She said she knew I would love because i'm a vegetarian. I put on a good show to not hurt her feelings while I looked at it with statments such as "thats a nice carrot", "oh look at that turnip".

I was also given a tube of lube.

Nothing cheap about Bayliss and Harding,

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/184377997912

I hope there is enough to go around!

A travel version of a children's board game.

We don't have children.

It went to the car boot sale.

I've had some great ones, though - a lovely pair of gloves once, and a very witty mug that I still use several years later.

My most apparently successful one was a pair of earrings from Accessorise - I saw the recipient wearing them numerous times over the following year.

A mug with tea written on and some teabags that were two years out of date. I don’t drink tea.

@Circumlocutious

A packet of smoked salmon purchased from the Co-op round the corner.

Not joking.

I would be quite happy with that 😋

What exactly is wrong with bayliss and harding? I've never given it as a gift but haven't the foggiest why it's supposed to be awful?

I think that, as a brand, it tries to position itself as slightly premium, but is actually no better than everyday brands. It’s what someone would buy if they’re looking to show off, but don’t actually want to spend that much. A bit like buying the cheapest champagne available when you could have got a very good Prosecco for the same price.

My 5 year old took part in their class secret Santa, top limit £20. She was given a regifted Marks and Spencer hot chocolate kit...

Yes, I'd be happy with smoked salmon as long as it was in date. I always buy some at Christmas.

@Iamneverfull

My partner just got a £10 gift voucher towards a family photo shoot (hates having his photo taken) but the minimum spend is £155 so we now feel obliged to do the photo shoot that we can't really afford!

Why?! That is stupid. Better to waste someone else's £10 than spend £145 you can't afford.

My worst secret santa was a "first" bra. Opened at a large office party in front of managers and heads of department. I have a very large bust

My worst was one of those useless wooden signs with some trite message on. This came with a tiny scrap of chinzy material cut with pinking shears tied to the metal hanger. I hated it and felt it was such a waste of a gift. My husband threw it away before new year as I wound me up every time I saw it 😂

My dh always got utter crap at our old place. Desk top games, one year naff Y fronts with an iron on transfer saying Porn Star. I think his best was the year they decided to choose five items from poundland. Amongst other things he got a head lamp. He still uses it when he goes into the attic.

@CoronaIsWatching

OP you've been given a perfectly practical gift just put it in your bathroom and forget about it. Would you have preferred nipple tassles?

Bayliss and Harding is absolute RUBBISH!

OP - send it down to the charity shop (if they ever re-open).

Our CEO once gave our office cleaner some pink sparkly marigolds, toilet brush and apron. Cleaner was gutted, couldn't even hide the disappointment on her face. CEO lacks emotional maturity and humanity in general but we all still reacted like this

One year at work l got condoms and chocolate body paint. And a sex manual.
Not a clue why. My marriage was on the rocks and quite frankly sex was the last thing l wanted to think about. I binned the condoms and body paint at work and hid the book til l could get rid of it.
My husband 'found' it (what he was doing looking through my wardrobe, l have no idea) and accused me of having an affair.
I found out much later that the giver was someone l car shared with. She knew things weren't good at home, so what she was thinking is beyond me. Every time we had an argument he brought it up, wouldn't believe that l'd got it in the Secret Santa.

I loved mine. A galileo thermometer. But I'm a science technician so it works for me 😂

Talking of nipple tassels....
The same year l got the chocolate body paint and condoms, one of the very young, very pretty girls in our office got a pair of red sequinned nipple tassels in the Secret Santa. She was clearly embarrassed, but we tried to play it down (while thinking, who the hell bought her them).
Found out a few months later that the giver was a man in his late 50s. Who was almost old enough to be her grandfather. We never dared tell her. I had strong words with him, though.

@DurhamDurham

Our CEO once gave our office cleaner some pink sparkly marigolds, toilet brush and apron. Cleaner was gutted, couldn't even hide the disappointment on her face. CEO lacks emotional maturity and humanity in general but we all still reacted like this

This reminds me of Mrs Doyle and that tea making machine

A lady i once worked with got a wooden model of the Cutty Sark

Ffs stop it with all the Baylis & Harding snobbery, I get given the B&H gin & tonic or espresso martini hand wash every year.

My mate got a Peter Rabbit tin. Thought, oh nice, biscuits. Nope empty tin.
The only bright spot of COVID is the end of secret Santa. Especially as I’m the poor bugger that ends up organising it.

A dog toy.

I don't own a dog.

Canwecancel2020 a poo head is a cloth hat with velcro straps on it that you tie under your chin. There are 3 cloth poos with opposing velcro that you chuck at the person wearing the hat 🙄

And a cookie mug know case anyone's interest is a mug with a cut out slot at the bottom for biscuits