AIBU to ask what advice you'd give if I was your 26yo?

[amelia443567]

I love my Mum and Dad to the ends of the Earth, but when it comes to advice they can be a bit hands off. They like to let us "figure it out ourselves".

I've been lucky that at 26 I've got a degree, have a secure professional role, and have had great experiences e.g. have travelled and worked abroad.

However, I feel there's a big difference between the path I'm on and the people I went to school with. There's a boy in particular who excelled at Oxbridge, and whose career is leading him to become a world leader. I know his professional parents have coached him and given him endless advice to get to that next "level" of achievement. I really want to be that successful, but I feel like I've failed already by not making the right choices of degree and career (because I didn't really understand the options).

In the next year I want to buy, and at 30 I want to be having children. Is this the advice you'd give to your 26 year old? Would you be telling them to retrain in law or medicine?

whats your current degree and job?

I don't want to say as it's outing but it's a "fun" professional role (think magazines). I should also say I hoping to do my Masters in the next few years in the same field. I just wonder if that's a waste of time and I would be better off starting my own business or something.

My advice would be:

You can ‘want’ as much as you like. But life doesn’t always deal what you want.

Yes to buying a house.
Babies l’d aim for but may not happen at 30.

The only advice l give my 26 year old is: Life is generally all about compromise.

Unless you're the only person in the entire country who did that degree it's really not outing at all.

Find out what you yourself want, and go after it. Work out what kind of shit sandwich that will entail (long hours? Selling your soul? Parents unlikely to back you? Expensive investment that takes resources away from other parts of your life? 'Settling'? Toll on your relationship/s) - because everything comes with a different shit sandwich. The question is which one you'll go for.
Potentially do an honest audit of what you have going for you to achieve these things, maybe with a coach.
I would not be saying retrain in law or medicine - in fact, where this has been done by parents and the child's heart has not been in it, it has done a lot more harm than good.

What is it you want to do? And I'm not talking about the box-ticking stuff: success, property, kids. What's niggling at you now? What is the source of your disappointment?

Another point is: you have quite a lot of 'power' when you are young and have potential. I really did not recognise that. My CV now speaks for me (it's record now says solid, reliable, compliant and very dull but it had a promising beginning post-degree). Have more confidence in what you have so far, but are not cemented into.

You’re in your prime, looks-wise - make the most of it.
Unfortunately you probably can’t have it all - as pp said life is all about compromise.
Life is short and before you know it you’ll be 30. Do things you enjoy.

By the way you sound like me at 26, comparing myself to everyone career wise and tearing myself apart questioning previous life choices. I’m 34 now and much more relaxed about it. I’ve found a career I love and I’m doing well. Mentoring really helped me see the bigger picture of my career I would highly recommend that.

Oops, thumb got carried away and pressed post!

I think when my daughter is old enough I'll be telling her to do what makes her happy, obviously within reason. I don't want her to just be a total slob and end up living in my house until I die. But if she decides on a career then I'll encourage her to go for that rather than pushing her to do something else that I would prefer her to do.

My parents have always been "let them figure it out themselves types" as well, I actually really like that about them though.

I got married at 26 so my advice that year was mainly about colour themes/what hymns to choose

On a serious point, I'd say buy a property before you have DC if you can, I have 2 DC now and am still renting, and its much harder to save for a deposit when you have 2 sets of childcare fees to pay for.

Would you be telling them to retrain in law or medicine?

those aren't the only well paid, well respected professions! What do you think you'd be good at/enjoy?

Oh and really STOP comparing. It really is a waste of energy.

Parents shouldn't be telling a 26 year old what to do. At most they should be advising on the technicalities of getting a mortgage, if asked.
Do what makes you happy but with an eye on the future. If you want to be a doctor obviously that will involve retraining. If you like your current role and want to buy a house, do that.

I would say do a job you actually enjoy and just keep pushing to be the best at that. that's what I did and its worked out. if you're in media , marketing or whatever then figure out what sideway steps you can make if that's needed to get higher up the chain, but staying in the same sort of business that you enjoy.

I have had friends in both law and medicine and it doesn't make them happy, a lot of them have dropped out after a few years as the money isn't worth the graft. law especially wasn't good one friend who wanted a family as it was still very looked down upon to take time off (this is 3 yrs ago in london) and the hours they do was ridiculous, so she really struggled to find a relationship in the first place.

Run your own race and don’t get distracted by comparing yourself to others. There will be lots of ups and downs over the next 40 years. Sometimes you will be “winning sometimes not. Just keep going and don’t get discouraged. Gain experience and competency in things you enjoy and have a knack for.
As for your personal life, if you want marriage and family, be open about that and don’t let men waste your time by convincing you it is needy or uncool to want those things. Have confidence in yourself and your own path. Drop them if they aren’t right for you. Don’t waste time moulding yourself into what you think someone else wants. You aren’t trying to be perfect. You are in a sorting process looking for the right fit.

My husband and I are both in the professions you mention - They’re very young but we certainly won’t be “coaching” our DC and giving them “endless advice”. That sounds very stifling. Our parents didn’t do that with us. I don’t really want them to get to the “next level of achievement” - I want them to be content and independent in whatever way feels right for them. Being loving, encouraging and supportive is my goal. I’d be happy if they wanted my view but you’re 26 not 17 so would expect your own experience to weigh more heavily than your parents.

Thanks everyone. I am really happy and love what I do, but I guess the issue is I don't feel I'm hitting my potential, and will always regret that

I think when my daughter is old enough I'll be telling her to do what makes her happy
This. As long as you earn enough to live, always prioritise happiness over money.

Also if you really want to be successful, 26 is definitely not too old. But you need to decide what you want and go and do it.

(People I went to school with are working in the local Asda - someone in your position would have gone further than most of my school friends!)

I'd tell you to do whatever makes you happy. Life is really too fucking short.

Give it a go, if you fail then retrain. We learn most from the things we did rather than the things we never did.

There is more to life than how much money you earn.

Do you like your job? Do you like the industry? Do you want to keep doing it?

DH and I both used to work in the magazine industry and then I moved into other roles within media, he went from a writer to a web developer mainly because the jobs we had were highly in demand and low paid as a result. Most of the people I know who worked in magazines and are now better off but still in the industry work for dull B2B publications.

As long as you’re making a good income I would place job enjoyment over standard metrics of success any day. Plenty of time to move to a better compensated and duller industry / role.

without knowing what it is or where you are its hard to advise. do you need to move to a bigger company, move a few steps up the ladder, new city that has more job opportunities. does anyone who does your type of role work at the level you would like to achieve?

@SnackSizeRaisin

Parents shouldn't be telling a 26 year old what to do. At most they should be advising on the technicalities of getting a mortgage, if asked. Do what makes you happy but with an eye on the future. If you want to be a doctor obviously that will involve retraining. If you like your current role and want to buy a house, do that.

I completely agree. It's more that I didn't get any advice at 16/17/18!

Always make sure you can be financially and emotionally independent.

I don't feel I'm hitting my potential, and will always regret that

26 is young to have hit your potential. But it does sound like you need a change of career in that case.
I changed career at 29 and it was a good decision for me - had to accept lower income for a few years whilst training, but now I am much more content.