AIBU to ask what advice you'd give if I was your 26yo?

[amelia443567]

I love my Mum and Dad to the ends of the Earth, but when it comes to advice they can be a bit hands off. They like to let us "figure it out ourselves".

I've been lucky that at 26 I've got a degree, have a secure professional role, and have had great experiences e.g. have travelled and worked abroad.

However, I feel there's a big difference between the path I'm on and the people I went to school with. There's a boy in particular who excelled at Oxbridge, and whose career is leading him to become a world leader. I know his professional parents have coached him and given him endless advice to get to that next "level" of achievement. I really want to be that successful, but I feel like I've failed already by not making the right choices of degree and career (because I didn't really understand the options).

In the next year I want to buy, and at 30 I want to be having children. Is this the advice you'd give to your 26 year old? Would you be telling them to retrain in law or medicine?

OP if you’re happy in your job, that’s a huge plus. HUGE.

Think about it in terms of what a content life would mean to you: financials, how much autonomy you want with your career. What you want to achieve in the next decade? How much time do you want to do the things you love? Where is the top in your current field?

I think 26/27 is a huge period of transition for lots of people. Priorities change. Interests change. And that’s before you get into the actual things that change.

I’d also say, get into healthy habits now. The more external stress I have, the worse my willpower is but the things I made habits stayed with me. Do t underestimate the power of feeling healthy, awake and ready to take on the day.

Um...

I have a DD who isn't yet 26. I would (and have) counsel her to have children earlier rather than later, though.

My mum had her children at 21-25. By the time she was 50, we had all left home and she could do all the things she had, by then, realised she wanted to do. Nobody really knows what they want to do when they're 20.

I farted around doing a PhD and wasting time that would have been far better spent having children.

In short: have children in your 20s.

Oh, and buy property. As much property as possible. You will not regret it.

Are you leaning for law or medicine for the status they bring? It will take you years to retrain and you will be working long hours after that!

If you like your job and it pays reasonably well you are already in a better position than so many people! I d stick to it if I were you

That's a big decision and it really depends on what you want in life. This is not about your parents, you should have always had the choice and if your parents would have told you at 18 to study law or medicine, would you have listened? I quite like it when parents support creative degrees (mine didn't!).

Just because being a lawyer or a doctor is a well respected profession does not mean it makes you happier. Being a world leader is like 1 in a billion - how many do you know? This is very ambitious.

In any career you can climb the ladder i would personally say if you do have what it takes. If you wanted my advice and the plans that you have, I would only retrain if I was truly unhappy about what I do and it's my life long dream to become a lawyer or a doctor.

Thanks everyone. This is really helpful.

Buy property asap if you can, and don't put off having kids, it's hard (but totally worth it) at any age and none of us know if there are obstacles in our way until we start trying. Good luck!

I'm not wildly ambitious so I haven't a scooby.

I’d choose happiness over money or power any day.

I think you're just having a quarter life crisis where you worry that you haven't done things compared to others. You see everyone else doing things like having a baby, getting a house because all people do is post how great their lives are on social media etc. and because you're not there yet, you feel a failure....

However, you're not a failure.

You've done so much already by travelling the world and seeing places. You've got a degree etc. They're a lot of positive things.

Don't worry about the person who went to Oxbridge and doing what they're doing, if they have covid, you wouldn't want that as well? Plus, I'm sure they're under so much pressure to succeed etc.

And I'm saying this as being a year older than you .

@frolicmum

That's a big decision and it really depends on what you want in life. This is not about your parents, you should have always had the choice and if your parents would have told you at 18 to study law or medicine, would you have listened? I quite like it when parents support creative degrees (mine didn't!).

Just because being a lawyer or a doctor is a well respected profession does not mean it makes you happier. Being a world leader is like 1 in a billion - how many do you know? This is very ambitious.

In any career you can climb the ladder i would personally say if you do have what it takes. If you wanted my advice and the plans that you have, I would only retrain if I was truly unhappy about what I do and it's my life long dream to become a lawyer or a doctor.

All my parents said at the time was "Do what you love, we'll be happy for you", so I did. But I couldn't really see (at 17) the true financial implications of that, and that I'd always feel of "lower status" in comparison to my peers who are very high achievers. And that even though I would love my job, it's not very intellectually challenging.

So I'm trying to think what I should do to fix that. But it's great to hear everyone's advice that being happy is the most important thing.

I would say that the choices you make at 16/17/18 do not map out the whole of your life. The only person that can ensure you "fulfill your potential" is you. It's never too late to change direction, but I would be really sure of your motivation before you do.

I would advise someone with a job and partner to prioritise a home and family. Having children puts career into perspective, success for it's own sake it meaningless.

I'm 40 and just getting into my stride career wise. I make better decisions for me now I have my DD. It's made me more focussed and ambitious but I came close to never being a parent. I wouldn't waste time or money on retraining. I would focus on developing your passions as these are what will sustain you into old age.

Get out now don’t have that first pint with your exh.

Following with interest!

Having a job you are happy in is golddust,worth a lot.
Don't move into medicine or law unless you are realising now that you have worked a bit that what you really really want to do is medicine.Or law.
Don't compare yourself to others - this is your life.
Buying a house - yes,excellent idea ( money in your pension,same!)
But my DM's mantra to us was "only you can decide that" ( really helpful,Mum )

And remember,Boris Johnson is a world leader.So was Trump

Honestly if your job makes you happy that in itself is worth a fortune. If you are good at what you do, the world is your oyster - it sounds a professional role with room for promotions.

Law and medicine are not the be all and end all. Yes they’re well paid, but you’ll be £60k in debt at the end of it (and if you already have a degree, you won’t be eligible for loans for medicine).

Do you have a burning desire to be a lawyer / doctor? Very very long hours. If you do go for it, otherwise crack on with what you’re doing that you enjoy!

Beware of charming men. They make dangerous lovers. And will fuck your life up completely.

One day all this shit won’t matter, the impressive career the big house the fancy car.
What does matter is people, having good relationships and enjoying your life. As they say no one ever said on the deathbed I wish I’d spent more time in the office.

I'm 32 and have a friend who's father gave all the advice/encouragement (forced her) to do medicine from when we were 13 years old. He had already done the same with her older sister to become a bio chemist. He wanted the younger sister to be a pharmacist. She said no and studied zoology and does something with animals.
You know what- the youngest one is the only one who's happy with their job.
My friend is a gp now after years or training and she HATES it- like really really hates it. Her sister hates her job too.
So I think your parents were right- do what you love- it's more likely to make you happy.

Most of the doctors and lawyers I know hate it!
I had similar parents and went to a good school so I get what you mean OP, bloody annoying when everyone is a somebody or cool startup founder...
However there are also many people you dont notice who dont find a passion or job they love, so I'd say surround yourself with people who love and support you. Also I'd have children in 20s if I could. Your perspectives change as you no longer have only yourself to think about, and you might end up being like your parents saying to your teenager "just do what makes you happy darling"
Definitely get on property ladder asap.
I'm just looking forward to retirement.

Maybe you need a professional mentor or coach to help you achieve your goals at work.

So many hate their job, that if you are in one that is secure, remotely fun and pays well enough, you are in a very lucky minority.
If you were mine, I'd be advising you to stick with your job, only pursue a masters if you can do it alongside, get a pension, get a house within your means and don't have kids

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You have a job you love. Why do you give 2 fucks about what your peers are doing?

Sorry that should have been more along the lines of - stop stressing about other people's achievements or you'll probably never be happy.