To ask how you talk to the elderly?

[malificent7]

Do you talk to them gently using language like ' dear', 'lovely', or do you talk to them. "normally " as you would to an adult of your own age? Does this change if they are infirm? Cannot elaborate as outing.

Used to be a care assistant. I would talk to residents like the adults they were, taking faculties into account as PickAChew says.

As for 'love' and other terms of endearment, it is pretty standard where I come from. Some will even call older women 'Queen' and older men 'Sir'. It's just people trying to be pleasant, Lord knows the world needs more of that. I have a male friend in Derby, I used to love hearing him call his brothers 'Duck'!

Duck is very much a regional thing. I work in a GP surgery and get called Duck a lot. I like it, it's friendly. I'm 50 and find it hilarious when lads barely out of their teens call me love. Patients who are 70 plus are usually the ones that you end up forming real affection for because they are the ones who usually call me love and duck and take an interest in what's going on in the surgery.

Normally, but louder. I think if someone (any age) was very ill, scared, confused etc. then it might change how you should talk to them, I think in those cases people want to be told ‘this is what we are doing, and it’s going to be ok’ and you might use more of a softer approach, but it wouldn’t be natural to me to call someone ‘love’ or ‘dear’ because it’s just not my way. It’s what’s natural to you and everyone is different.

Thankfully I live in a country that doesn't 'bin' it's old folks. MiL is 94 I'm..well, pretty old and I never discern any different inflection from any age group to another.

Of note though is MiL is top of the tree and her sons in their late 60's through to the 7 year olds all respect according to their age.

This has got me thinking, I don't actually speak to elderly people, I just don't come across them. I work long hours so just don't see that segment of society at all, well apart from on a weekend dog walk where they've looked horrified if I've said anything because of a covid risk.

I call children 'darling' etc

I find it really weird and uncomfortable to consider calling anyone older than me those names.

I would never call an elderly person any of this.

That being said, I do find myself struggling to communicate fluidly with a very elderly person and I do fluster a bit.

Normally and according to who they are. My DM is intelligent, so I speak to her as I would to a friend or colleague. My FIL has dementia, so I modify my speech.

I talk to them the way I talk to anyone but that does sometimes include terms of endearment (where appropriate) because I am quite prone to use them with everyone.

To be fair I say love to everybody, I'm from Yorkshire it's just what we do.

12 year old girl? Love. 70 year old man? Love. 40 year old heavy weight champion? Love.

Not sure why people get so blooming offended by it.

DGM is now very very elderly. I try to talk to her like any other adult as much as possible, though I have to be a bit louder (hearing), slower (cognitive decline), and frequently repeat things.

Apart from that I do try and have banter with her - she'll frequently stick two fingers up at me while grinning broadly.

I've noticed the "elderspeak" thing and I'm really not impressed! I can usually get better "results" from our conversations because I try and treat her like a grown up, even when her decline means she has some extra care needs.

@Hailtomyteeth

No, whoever you are, 'love' is not acceptable. Ever, in any circumstances.

Course it is. Just comes out. Everyone calls me it and I call them it. Try not to take it so personally, it's just part of the dialect.

'Love' is regional as is 'duck', used regardless of age. A lot depends on where you are.

I seem to accidentally put on my bbc accent, but other than that, talk normally.

I speak with them according to their need. If they have cognitive issues I speak with them like an adult but keep things simple and offer incremental choices. I assess and provide communication that suits them. If they have hearing problems I apeak clearly but don't shout. I am a therapist so so this each day.

I don't mind "love" if it's applied to everyone. I did once say something to a Big Issue seller who addressed all men as "Sir" and all women as "Love" though.

@Magpiecomplex why? That's just made me so sad.

The same reason I have an issue with male teachers being Sir and female teachers being Miss. Why are women not deserving of the same level of respect as men?

asking anybody aged 70 or over about the war is always a great conversation starter.

What war? People in their 70s? Vietnam, maybe?

I call everyone love. As do most people where I'm from. It's not babying them or speaking down to them, it's just our local way of speaking.

@Magpiecomplex

The same reason I have an issue with male teachers being Sir and female teachers being Miss. Why are women not deserving of the same level of respect as men?

Do want female teachers to be called Lady or male teachers to be called Mr (which they are if their names are used but sounds odd in its own - mister)?

Title and surname works fine. I'm Dr Complex to my students.

Wash your brain out if you describe any people you have labelled in a group category as 'The' anything.

Would you suggest putting 'The gingers' into special homes where they can be with their own kind??? (They can sit all day talking about having red hair, can they? If not, why not? In your brain, one ginger is identical to another, and all are sub human, not real people, because they are what you call 'The gingers')

In, I think, the 60's, there was public discussion about 'The Blacks', as a term to describe all immigrants. Officials and policymakers and news sources and M.Ps discussed how to 'deal with the Problem of The Blacks'.

If you wouldn't do that now, why would you DA R E mention 'The Disabled' or 'The Elderly' ? Don't. It is proof of a fault in your thinking. You are displaying yourself as Disablist, or Ageist.

You wouldn't want anyone to know you were Racist, by mentioning 'The Blacks'. You would have to clarify what you intend to say about people. People. Not less-than people.

Whoever is training you is terrible.

Dignity is supposed to be leading quality of care.

My parents were both on the receiving end of this and my God, my mother used to rage at it. It's so disrespectful.

I wouldn't do a cooing voice, but I would probably speak more respectfully. I have actually found that as people get older they often get more sensitive to criticism and more resentful at being told that they're wrong, even when they are, so I'm not sure it completely works to speak to an 85yo in exactly the same way you might speak to a 20yo.

@pigsDOfly

I remember many years ago when I was in hospital, in a gyne ward, as it happens, so there was a huge variety of ages there.

One morning an older woman was admitted to the bed next to mine.

She had been a private nanny all her working life, she told me, was clearly of the old school and still had that old fashion nanny manner.

Soon after she was admitted, one of the, very young, student nurses came into the room and started, not only addressing her by her first name, but did it in a special 'reserved for old women' tone of voice.

She was clearly furious and rather shocked, something the nurse seemed completely oblivious to.

I have no idea if she ever said anything but I suspect not.

Perhaps, people who work with older people need a bit more training around these situations.

I don't mind people calling me by my first name but I do object to them doing it in a tone they'd use when talking to a rather dim pet dog.

When my father was in hospital a number of years ago a similar thing happened.

He was a lawyer, very, very old fashioned. None of his staff would have dreamed of calling him by his first name. But the young nurses did.

You could tell he absolutely hated it. None of the family dared say anything as the hospital was pretty grim (so were some of the staff) and we didn't want any repercussions.