To ask how you talk to the elderly?

[malificent7]

Do you talk to them gently using language like ' dear', 'lovely', or do you talk to them. "normally " as you would to an adult of your own age? Does this change if they are infirm? Cannot elaborate as outing.

I talk to all adults the same way, whatever their age. I’d hate to think I hate being patronised so I wouldn’t do it to anyone else.

I just resent being pulled up for it.

^If you follow the example of the nurses in my local hospital, asking anybody aged 70 or over about the war is always a great conversation starter.
And in residential care, playing music from the 1920s/30s is a definite winner - reminds people of their teens.
Even if they used to dance to The Beatles or The Rolling Stones.^

I expect they'll still be doing it if I ever end up in a care home in 40 or so years. Which is probably better than the alternative of the bloody Spice Girls and Take That...

I talk to both very old and very young people like people. Works both ways though: I don't take any racist shit from old people my gran who claim it's just because times have changed.

Normally. Saying that there is no one I would call dear or love ever.
If some aspects of dementia still normal but sometimes a bit slower or quieter or of hearing loss more distinct/ a bit louder etc.

‘The elderly’ aren’t a homogenous group. It depends on the person. Nobody likes being patronised or pushed around though. You’re the same person inside at 90 as you were at 20, don’t forget.

No, whoever you are, 'love' is not acceptable. Ever, in any circumstances.

Other than from someone who loves you, of course.

What about lovey?

@Feministicon... now I'm raging and want to kill....

I heard about 'How to speak to elders' or whatever it was. I do hope people will stop being such knobs or those of us with white hair etc will have to tell them where to get off.

But this is all regional anyway - us (we) stuck up Londoners might not, but go north of Watford and it all starts kicking off with pet and duck and love aplenty !

A woman where I used to work called me lovey and I’m under 40 where as she was in hers mid 50’s so I don’t think it’s an age discrimination thing

I talk normally.

Both of my grandparents had spells in hospital before they died. I have a horrible memory of each of them, at different times, being confused by someone calling them 'love' or 'pet'. I remember someone called my very proper grandpa 'flower'. He was born in 1922 and that just wasn't his culture. The nurse said something like 'is it Gerald, flower?' and he'd replied no, it wasn't. They decided he was confused because he 'didn't know his own name'. He wasn't confused, but he genuinely didn't want or expert someone to call him by his first name when he didn't know them.

And that's not snobbery, either. When you're elderly and ill, you can feel very vulnerable and undignified. Anything that lets you keep a bit of dignity is important. If you've gone through life expecting the formality of 'and may I call you Gerald or is it Mr So-and-So,' you may be really thrown when someone suddenly talks to you like a baby.

I do feel really strongly on this one.

Agree fully Sarah.
I have a name which could be shortened. No one ever does. I’d don’t like the short form.
If I end up old and unwell and suddenly called a name I’ve never been called and don’t like I think my soul would die a little and my sense of self be damaged.

In my area a lot of people older then me say me duck. So term of endearment is not necessarily offensive. But Having worked in a care home I know that patronising is. I found doing personal care was great you found out about that old women/gent. they were once this they had this family, they did that. They were a person not an old dear in a chair.

YY, @HeronLanyon, and also if you were struggling, you might just say that short form isn't your name. If a person of 40 says 'I'm not Liz,' we don't assume they're confused, we assume they're making a statement about what nicknames for Elizabeth they prefer.

I was at the hairdressers this week. An elderly lady was in the chair next to me and her stylist was talking to her like a child. She even said "did you have your dinner before you came?" The lady was polite but i nearly lost my eyeballs while I rolled them.

I can't wait to be an old lady that just responds with something awful and witty.

Someone at work was talking to my boss in that way 'And how are youooooo??' as if he was 90 and deaf!

He's 60! And not (deaf)

. Shocking

I was just thinking about exactly this while watching one of those fly on the wall ambulance paramedic TV programmes. All the ambulance staff talk to older people in that patronising tone, using their first name in every sentence. I thought am I the only person who would find that really horrible when I'm that age, to be spoken to as if I'm a not very bright 5 year old.

SarahAndQuack

^.
Totally ageee

I work in a care home with the elderly and speak to them normally. Even have a good laugh with some of them. I love chatting to them

Just talk to them normally. If they're losing their hearing, Yiu may need to talk slower and louder (and avoid clutter like love and dear) and if they're losing cognitive ability, you may need to be more concise and direct (and avoid clutter like love and dear)

@Feministicon

Interestingly though when my Gran was alive she became very hard of hearing and struggled to hear us women even if we were shouting but could hear men better, maybe a pitch thing? Not sure

I have mild hearing loss and it's deep voiced men I can't hear very well. Mumbly fuckers. Wee nippy is as clear as a bell, though. I'm fine with tenor men's voices like Jimmy Carr and Adam Hills.

And dh. He walks up behind me, silently, to me, and scares the shit out of me with a loud and deep whob aww woaww buwarr rowar.

Talk in a way that's natural to you