Leaving 9 year old alone

[parentingquery]

I have work tomorrow. DP (DDs DF in case it changes things) has the day off with DD tomorrow. She is 9 and has been since sept. I have no idea if she is a mature 9 but she is sensible and appears to be more so than her friends.

Would she talk to a stranger... no.
Would she talk to a stranger with a puppy... probably.
Does she think if a stranger threatens her she can easily beat him... yes 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway, the last few weeks, DP has been returning from the gym each morning as I leave for work. I wait for him to return and leave immediately. DP has just informed me that he won't be rushing home from the gym if she is still asleep tomorrow when I leave for work.

I asked what he meant and he said he would leave her sleeping and come back in his own time. Assume 30 mins to 1 hour Max but he didn't clarify at all. I did react a bit panicked and I think my reaction boosted his.

I asked what if she wakes up? Have you told her this? He said well that'll be my problem won't it. I said not if she burns the house down or something. I also said really it's on me as I am the one actively leaving her and I'm not comfortable with it. He said just forget about it in an annoyed tone. I asked if that meant he wasn't going to do it and he said just leave it.

I just went to go upstairs to see DD (do I mention it or not?) and I said well I need to know if I'm waiting for you or not. But it was as I passed him so he probably thinks it was a childish "last word".

In all likelihood she will sleep through and be completely unaware. She is not an early riser but that's not the point. I have thought about it while I'm nipping to the shop but never done it. My parents would have done it by now. I was out of sight for hours by this point but I am a self confessed helicopter parent.

Would you do it?

No. My boy is 9. I think he would be very worried and upset to wake up and find himself alone in the house. Your DH is being a dick. it's the gym! He can go another time!

What time in the morning are we talking about? I'm guessing she's off school? I have a 9 year old and leave her for 10 minutes to go to the shop but only if she is awake. Massive difference between being awake and parent going for milk and waking up to no parent!

If she knew about it in advance and if it was only going to be for a short period (e.g., around 30 mins to an hour) and if she was happy to be left alone and sensible and if she had a means to contact me/DH if she needed then would consider it.

Without her prior knowledge and checking that she's happy with being left alone? Not a chance.

So wrong.

That isn't acceptable. Nobody normal leaves a 9 year old sleeping home alone.

No way. Why doesn’t he care about her safety or wellbeing?

I'd leave a 9 year old awake for 30 minutes, but not asleep without knowing where you are.

This the kind of thing my ex did- left me hanging around for hours, never knowing exactly what was going on, changing plans leaving me anxiety ridden and put himself first. I know the knots you will tie yourself in over this tonight and in the morning. Prick

I think this is completed mad, not to mention irresponsible. Unless I have misunderstood your post he is just planning to have your daughter wake up to an empty house with no one there not even having been told in advance. What an earth would she think? You say she’s likely to sleep through but Sod’s law this will be the morning that she is suddenly ill, the johovas witnesses come to the door or the fire alarm goes off. She’s 9, not 19. And your DPs reactions are totally off, exactly whose problem is it then? He sounds like an irresponsible dick.

I think it would be very frightening for any child to wake up alone in a house unexpectedly.

Everything about this is an awful idea.

Is he her Dad? He’s basically prioritising the gym over a 9 year old child. Can’t he go earlier or later (or just skip a day, it’s hardly urgent)

No I wouldn't do this. Especially if she has no knowledge of it upon waking up. Does she a mobile by chance? Leave a note on her door just in case your DH does pull this one... At least she will know. Do you have a house phone you can call a few times in the morning? Or does she know your number and can call it....?

He needs telling firmly that if he does this you will pack his bags for him.

My ds is 9 I’d leave him for short periods if needed to nip to shop but not in those circumstances

No way.
I leave my 9yo for short periods... With her permission. Shes always given the choice. Eaking up and no one had home, she would be terrified.

not without her knowing about it.

We started leaving DD alone for a bit, up to 30 minutes at that age but only when she said it was ok and she knew exatly how to phone us/speak to a neighbour and we had rules in place like not opening doors or going on the landline.

But I would never have her waking up without anyone there unless she knew about it.

Like others, this is a no. Waking up alone is not right for any 9 year old, no matter how mature they are. Going to the gym is definitely not a good reason to leave your child.

Totally unacceptable!

I would leave my 10yo for up to half an hour or so, but only if he was awake and happy to be left. I wouldn't want him waking up on his own.

No I wouldn't, ds is 8 1/2 so slightly younger but I think even 9 is too young especially leaving them asleep gosh my son would be petrified waking up to an empty house

Don’t do it

No.

What? I wouldnt leave a 15 year old to wake up to an empty house without pre-warning them... actually DH is 41 and I wouldn't leave him to wake up to an empty house without pre-warning him! DP sounds like he's on a bit of a power trip "it's up to ME when I come home from you gym. You and DD aren't the boss of me, I'm home when I'm home!" He's being a dick.

Absolutely not, she could choke, fall, anything could happen and I have seen first hand awful things happening just like that. Your husband is a selfish idiot if he thinks he can leave his 9 year old daughter on her own just so he can carry on being vain in the gym.