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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is really creepy?

190 replies

thelittlefox · 16/12/2020 20:44

So, this happened this afternoon, and at first I thought it was rank but funny, but I am now starting to think maybe I should do something/complain...

My postman is rather indiscreet. He's well-meaning and friendly but does like to overshare people's business. I learned long ago not to tell him anything I didn't want spread around our village, but he's pretty harmless really.

Yesterday he asked me to take a parcel for my neighbour, and said "give her a big smile when she comes to get it". I looked at the package and there was nothing about it to explain what he meant, but he said "google the return address hahaha", tapped his nose and went on his way. I am ashamed to admit that I did what he suggested, and it turns out the parcel was from Lovehoney. Completely plain packaging, you would literally need to know Lovehoney's postcode to know who it was from.

So I had a bit of a smirk to myself, although I'm not 12 so it wasn't really THAT exciting. Thought it was a bit grim that he'd pointed it out to me, but whatever.

Today, he asked me if I had googled it, and I said yes, but I asked him how come he knew? He said that someone at the sorting office kept an eye out for the postcode and alerted the delivery guys. He also said that the same guy also looked up the names on Facebook and passed their pictures around. At this point I went from having a bit of a laugh with him to being quite grossed out, and I told him he should have a word with his mate, as that's disgusting! He said (still smiling and joking about) "I'll tell him then that from a woman's point of view he's a pervert" and wandered off.

This is fucking horrible, isn't it? To go to the lengths of looking up names and addresses, it's borderline stalky, even if the pictures are public. The more I think about it, the more it bothers me.

So, am I being unreasonable to be worried about this, or should I forget about it (and get my butt-plugs posted to my sister to be the safe side Grin)?

OP posts:
SilverBirchWithout · 17/12/2020 00:37

I think your postman is actually being quite sleazy towards you too OP.

I suspect he got quite a kick about discussing this with you and seeing your reaction. I’ve unfortunately met a few predatory men in my life, often the first stage of their behaviour is to introduce inappropriate conversation topics with their victims. A big red flag - in your shoes I’d back off from ‘friendly’ chats with him in future.

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 17/12/2020 00:44

Yes it’s creepy, and more to the point, completely unprofessional. Report it to the Royal Mail.

AcornAutumn · 17/12/2020 00:45

@thelittlefox

Not defending what my postman did, but I don't think it's as serious as looking up customer's photo's! He didn't do that.
He probably does that too.
Furries · 17/12/2020 00:49

Not sure which I find more disgusting. The postie and his “mate” or the small number of posters on her brushing it off as “aww, they’re just probably bored and this kind of stuff goes on in companies. FFS, it’s 2020 - why on earth would anyone see this as “ok”. I’ve just watched a documentary on Suzy Lamplugh - I remember when she disappeared and that case has always stuck at the back of my mind. Her mother made huge strides with regards to legislation re stalking etc. And yet still, today, people seem happy to brush of this type of behaviour as being ok.

That it’s taken to the level of looking up the recipients on Facebook and passing images around takes it to a whole other level.

I would advise NOT to give your postie the heads up that you’re reporting. Coming from a financial industry background is my reasoning - alerting someone that you suspect them of criminal activity can land you in trouble, so I carry this approach in the back of my mind at all times.

Your postie isn’t “great”. At the very best, he’s really flipping dim for thinking it’s ok to even “banter” about looking up the return address on a parcel for your neighbour. Prick (postie, not the OP).

Mamanyt · 17/12/2020 00:59

YANBU. It is creepy, and illegal. REPORT THIS! This is a gross invasion of privacy.

LilQueenie · 17/12/2020 01:03

report it and get his name and photo doing the rounds on facebook.

Crustmasiscoming · 17/12/2020 01:04

This is horrendous.

I'm not naive enough to think that a postie wouldn't recognise certain things, and a lovehoney return address might well be one of them, but they should be more than capable of keeping that to themselves. The fact that he's had that conversation with you is quite scary. He's being far too brazen about this invasion of privacy, and it makes you worry what else is going on.

You are right to report it, well done OP.

Italiangreyhound · 17/12/2020 01:13

Definitely weird behavior.

ChaoticGouda · 17/12/2020 01:34

Sounds like an abuse of power/ability on the sorting office man's part. What if he took an interest in one of the women and used the knowledge of her address/ SM to stalk or blackmail her? Men have done worse with less information in the past.

And even if he is "harmless", it's horribly unprofessional and scummy. I'm sure any good manager would be completely mortified if they knew!

GreenWheat · 17/12/2020 01:47

I would have a laugh at them looking for my photo on Facebook. Literally hundreds of people have my name and I live in a big city, no idea how they would know which one was me!

LopsidedWombat · 17/12/2020 01:57

Do you know, I have heard of something similar about the social media aspect but with a driver delivering alcohol rather than a postie. It is creepy and unprofessional. Definitely report!

VodrangeLime · 17/12/2020 02:51

[quote Honeyroar]@VodrangeLime of course I understand why there’s a return address- but thanks for the sarcasm. The return address is quite often inside the parcel with a lot of things I’ve bought.[/quote]
I love that your username is so apt. 😂

It wasn't sarcasm, it was a genuine query, if you understood why the return address is on the ourside. Not everyone does. Even the posties aren't allowed to open someone else's mail to find who the sender is, it has to go to the (huge) undelivered mail department. If mail has been damaged that too should go to a separate department for repacking before sending it on its way. Not many people know about these amazing secretive departments. But eh, thanks for the elbow, assuming the worst outcome ⭐⭐⭐⭐

longwayoff · 17/12/2020 07:23

This comes as a surprise? Men.

Lilymossflower · 17/12/2020 07:58

Your postie is just as bad as the other guy. Report them both with no warnings.

Seatime · 17/12/2020 08:14

His behaviour is totally unacceptable to you, your neighbour and the other women the postmen perv over, on Facebook. Reporting is necessary.

Aerial2020 · 17/12/2020 08:19

He's just as bad, he's enabling it and laughing about it to members of the public! (You!)

ReetDortyLass · 17/12/2020 08:31

@Honeyroar

He’s a perverted slimeball telling you to give her a big smile. I’d tell him you’ve had a discussion with all the female neighbours warning them what a pervert he is and you’re trying to decide whether to report him and his colleagues. I’d also email Lovehoney, who perhaps need to put their return address inside the boxes.
This is good advice but the return address has to be on the outside. It's for the PO to return things if no such address exists etc.
IdblowJonSnow · 17/12/2020 08:55

I agree you should report this. If he loses his job then it's his fault not yours OP.

You have said you aren't defending him but you have in some of your posts. Why would you prioritise his wellbeing over these women he is preying on? Not sure I believe in his 'friend' btw.

CorianderQueen · 17/12/2020 09:05

That's incredibly invasive. I would complain as he's invading people's privacy.

Who the fuck does that AND tells people to do the same??

CorianderQueen · 17/12/2020 09:09

My posties are lovely thank god, they act very parental to me and DP. Always suggesting money saving tips and tricks and joking about DP millions of ASOS returns.

I'd be devastated if they were giggling about our sex life or passing round photos of us.

Btw I wouldn't recommend the LoveHoney toy advent calendar it's not great.

Calmandmeasured1 · 17/12/2020 09:16

I've known him for years and years so I don't know whether he would have overshared if he didn't know me so well. It's more the other guy I'm worried about tbh
What? Oh, thats alright for him to share confidentual information about your neighbour then. Hmm

I would complain (about all the staff involved). I hope you also realise that you don't exactly come out of this well. You googled and then admitted to googling it to him. I would have minded my own business in the first place.

minuno · 17/12/2020 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mummyof4kids · 17/12/2020 09:22

Why don't you tell your neighbour and see if she thinks it should be reported? I'd certainly want to know if I was her

SunscreenCentral · 17/12/2020 09:31

It’s not “childish” though, is it? It’s well beyond simple mischievousness.
Yet another reason to be glad and yes fucking smug at this stage that I’m not on bloody Facebook.

Bluesheep8 · 17/12/2020 09:34

Well that explains why Royal Mail take so long with sorting mail out.

Exactly. Too busy looking up postcodes and googling recipients. You need to report this.

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