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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is really creepy?

190 replies

thelittlefox · 16/12/2020 20:44

So, this happened this afternoon, and at first I thought it was rank but funny, but I am now starting to think maybe I should do something/complain...

My postman is rather indiscreet. He's well-meaning and friendly but does like to overshare people's business. I learned long ago not to tell him anything I didn't want spread around our village, but he's pretty harmless really.

Yesterday he asked me to take a parcel for my neighbour, and said "give her a big smile when she comes to get it". I looked at the package and there was nothing about it to explain what he meant, but he said "google the return address hahaha", tapped his nose and went on his way. I am ashamed to admit that I did what he suggested, and it turns out the parcel was from Lovehoney. Completely plain packaging, you would literally need to know Lovehoney's postcode to know who it was from.

So I had a bit of a smirk to myself, although I'm not 12 so it wasn't really THAT exciting. Thought it was a bit grim that he'd pointed it out to me, but whatever.

Today, he asked me if I had googled it, and I said yes, but I asked him how come he knew? He said that someone at the sorting office kept an eye out for the postcode and alerted the delivery guys. He also said that the same guy also looked up the names on Facebook and passed their pictures around. At this point I went from having a bit of a laugh with him to being quite grossed out, and I told him he should have a word with his mate, as that's disgusting! He said (still smiling and joking about) "I'll tell him then that from a woman's point of view he's a pervert" and wandered off.

This is fucking horrible, isn't it? To go to the lengths of looking up names and addresses, it's borderline stalky, even if the pictures are public. The more I think about it, the more it bothers me.

So, am I being unreasonable to be worried about this, or should I forget about it (and get my butt-plugs posted to my sister to be the safe side Grin)?

OP posts:
thelittlefox · 16/12/2020 21:16

I agree my postie has been inappropriate and obviously very childish (says a lot about me that he thought I'd find it amusing doesn't it?). But I think he's just been silly, and I wouldn't want him to lose his job over the other guy in the sorting office who's doing the actually stalking bit.

OP posts:
DontAskForMedicalAdviceOnMars · 16/12/2020 21:16

I’d also email Lovehoney, who perhaps need to put their return address inside the boxes

It would be worse for the sorters to have to open the parcels to return incorrectly addressed items Grin

Smallsteps88 · 16/12/2020 21:17
Hmm

So you’re going to do nothing and they get to carry on. Lovely.

mumsyandtiredzz · 16/12/2020 21:19

It’s really weird that they’re constantly on the lookout for parcels they can identify as being from lovehoney then google the recipient to see their social media each time, like so what if a woman has ordered something from there? Do they think it’s funny (if so very childish) or is it in a creepy pervy kind of way?

The postman was bang out of order telling you to google the postcode for your neighbours parcel, again not particularly funny and just pointless.

BonnieDundee · 16/12/2020 21:23

Your postie is equally as bad as the other guy. Why you are defending him I dont know

FortunesFave · 16/12/2020 21:23

This reply has been deleted

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Nottherealslimshady · 16/12/2020 21:23

Report it. They know what she's buying. Where she lives and they've looked her up on facebook and passed her pictures round. That's a massive invasion of privacy and the wrong person working there could use it to harm her or harass/stalk her.

thelittlefox · 16/12/2020 21:27

Honeyroar Actually I think that's maybe a plan. Not so much that I have discussed it with the neighbours, but I might tell him it's really been bothering me, or he should be careful because other people definitely would report that kind of gossip. I reckon he would realise he's overstepped and keep a lid on it. We get on so I think he'd take it as friendly advice rather than a threat.

But it's the guy in the sorting office that I feel is the more pernicious player here. Maybe if I make an anonymous complaint and pre-warn my postie? If the guy is really going around all the different rounds pointing out the "special deliveries" to various postmen then it could be some-one on the inside that has blown the whistle perhaps?

OP posts:
thelittlefox · 16/12/2020 21:30

Not defending what my postman did, but I don't think it's as serious as looking up customer's photo's! He didn't do that.

OP posts:
mumsyandtiredzz · 16/12/2020 21:31

And it’s kind of a grim that it’s a load of men shaming women

momtoboys · 16/12/2020 21:36

I don't know its heresay if the postman told oyu!

thelittlefox · 16/12/2020 21:38

I am genuinely conflicted, hence posting here. But overwhelmingly people think I should report it, and that was my gut feeling too.

OP posts:
nosswith · 16/12/2020 21:39

Please report it.

Hotwaterbottlelove · 16/12/2020 21:43

OP, it not up to you to decide if what your postman did was 'bad enough'. Report what happened and leave it up to the people who run the company to decide. I can't understand people who stand by and don't report these kinds of things. Either they will decide it breeches their conduct policy or it doesn't but either way it won't be you who is 'getting them into trouble'. It will have been their own behaviour that did it.

It is really creepy both for him to have pointed it out to you and for the other man to be searching out photos of these people. It's awful. Just grow a backbone and stand up for something.

Mrsdoubtfireswig · 16/12/2020 21:46

Creepy perverts aside I think it is a data protection / GDPR breach not to mention invasion of privacy. They should absolutely not be looking up customers details based on packages / addresses and I’m sure Royal Mail will have strict policies in place. Imagine what other addresses they could or do look up ans what other gossip they spread around. If he’s told you imagine what they say to their mates ? I don’t normally say to report things but I would in this case - you might also be able to do it anonymously too

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 16/12/2020 21:47

I'd definitely report it.
Not just for data protection reasons either. At the moment you know there is a creepy man , stalking women's packages and then depending on what they order stalk them on social media and share their pictures around.
Can you be 100% sure it stops there? That there isn't any messaging, more stalking or other violations going on?

Would you be happy if he suddenly decided whomever you get a package from is worthy of fb stalking and sharing with other men?

Having the postie encourage your neighbours to google what you are getting and from where?

This is so wrong for many reasons and in many ways. Now that you know,you should report it or you're complicit in whatever they're doing.

As for their jobs... they shouldn't risk them by behaving the way they do. They aren't just predatory and mysoginistic, they're stupid with it too. That's entirely their problem.

CoronaIsWatching · 16/12/2020 21:47

Complain. Now.

MorganKitten · 16/12/2020 21:48

@CutToChase

Dont report it. This kind of shit probably goes on all the time across industries and companies.

They're bored at work and have been inappropriate I get it. But it's not worth getting people into trouble for IMO

It’s a breach in trust and data protection
tectonicplates · 16/12/2020 21:49

@namechangetheworld @MumsDirtyTeaTowel What is it exactly that happens? I've done plenty of customer-facing work and I haven't seen that sort of thing going on, unless I've misunderstood what you mean.

MorganKitten · 16/12/2020 21:49

@Pechanga

I'm considering cancelling my next LoveHoney order Blush
I wouldn’t, enjoy what you order!
StillAHarpie · 16/12/2020 21:51

I think its very important to report this as thats grim but I really wouldn’t tip off your postie that someone may report or mention it again to him in any way and ask for your name to be kept anonymous.
Without putting too fine a point on it these guys know where you live.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 16/12/2020 21:52

@CutToChase

Dont report it. This kind of shit probably goes on all the time across industries and companies.

They're bored at work and have been inappropriate I get it. But it's not worth getting people into trouble for IMO

A lot of shit goes on in workplaces . That doesn't make it right,legally or morally.

If men are bored, they're not entitled to abuse their function to stalk women,what they buy and where from and even less to share that information around.

OverByYer · 16/12/2020 21:52

The postcode bit not too concerning for me but the looking up the recipients on social media not appropriate.
Funnily enough my postman sent me a friend request which I declined.
I’m trying to think of I’ve ordered anything dodgy now

Charcutaria · 16/12/2020 21:53

I'd report him, definitely he's a creepy sleazy twat. @thelittlefox you're not in the North East of Scotland are you.

user1471565182 · 16/12/2020 21:54

Personally I wouldnt give a shit if it came with 'massive rubber cock' printed on the side but I know not everybody is like that. Its a pretty disgusting attitude from him, how old is he?

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