Would this bother you - teacher gift?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

At my DC's school I have a friend whose child is in year 1 (different classes to my kids). She's told me that there's been a bit of controversy and complaints because one parent is very good friends with the teacher and took the lead in organising a class teacher present. She asked the teacher what she wanted if she got a tenner off each parent (so £150). Teacher picked out a pair of designer shoes. And the friend asked all the parents for a tenner. A couple of parents have complained and the designer shoe plan had to be put to a stop.

I'm torn about how I feel about this. On the one hand I'd usually spend a tenner on my DC's teacher and I always welcome the opportunity for someone else to sort shit like this and why shouldn't the teacher get what she actually wants rather than 10 "best teacher mugs".

On the other hand I can see why it's kinda cheeky.

I teach secondary so rarely get presents from parents but I wouldn't mind a pair of designer shoes if this is the present standard now

[quote Liverbird77]@Babapudding in some cases, although you'd perhaps be surprised at the amount of extra time and resources teachers often spend on their students.[/quote]
Does that mean teachers who spend their own money on treats for the children? Or buying them little things for the classroom? I might be having a dumb moment but that's what I think you mean?
It might be the area that I live in, but I've not come across any teacher that buys anything for the children.
I myself have never bought a teacher gift, never seen any other parents bring in gifts either and there's never been a mention of donating any money.

t might be the area that I live in, but I've not come across any teacher that buys anything for the children
I myself have never bought a teacher gift, never seen any other parents bring in gifts either and there's never been a mention of donating any money

My 7 year old’s teacher bought the food for their Christmas party out of his own pocket yesterday, and made up an individual box for each child to reduce infection risk.
They also get a little Christmas gift paid for by the teachers themselves.
We buy teacher gifts. It’s just a token of appreciation.

It might be the area that I live in, but I've not come across any teacher that buys anything for the children.

How would you possibly know? If the children do a fun craft project how do you know where the supplies came from? Who took the time to go buy them and where the money came from?

I know a number of primary teachers and have experience of my own kids' teachers and all of them go above and beyond for the kids, not sure if they all spend their own money (lots do) but plenty spend far beyond the time and energy they have to on the kids.

None of the teachers I know expect a gift or would be able to tell you the parents who didn't give gifts but if you're able to show a little appreciation through a gift or card I really don't see why you wouldn't.

@IMNOTSHOUTING

Babapudding

I don't understand the buying of a Christmas gift for a teacher. Why?
They are just doing their job of teaching children, which they get paid for doing anyway.

"Why do you buy anyone a present? It's to show appreciation and give them a bit of a treat. Of course they already get paid, and of course it shouldn't be obligatory to give a gift but if someone wants to it's a nice thing to do. Especially in primary the teacher is a huge part of your child's life."

Well I only buy presents for family because I love and care about them and want them to have a nice gift at Christmas.
I don't love and care about teachers!
If people want to get gifts for teachers that's completely their own personal choice, I just don't understand the need for it myself.
It's hard enough finding presents for family never mind a gift for a complete stranger.

State school here and we did a joint collection for vouchers. Many parents put in £20, you just put in what you can afford. So can’t see the issue with £10 if it’s clear that you add what you can afford. Though the whole shoe thing is really odd - just give a voucher for a dept store and then she can go buy them herself!

It's vulgar to ask for an exact amount rather than contributions and to state exactly what they are planning to buy. I'm not surprised it's back fired.

When I was a teacher I valued all the little gifts I received ( chocolates,ornaments, home made gifts etc) and would have been really embarrassed at receiving a voucher. I had some parents who obviously couldn’t afford a present but took the trouble to come in and shake me by the hand and thank me. Those were times I have always remembered.

@IMNOTSHOUTING

It might be the area that I live in, but I've not come across any teacher that buys anything for the children.

How would you possibly know? If the children do a fun craft project how do you know where the supplies came from? Who took the time to go buy them and where the money came from?

I know a number of primary teachers and have experience of my own kids' teachers and all of them go above and beyond for the kids, not sure if they all spend their own money (lots do) but plenty spend far beyond the time and energy they have to on the kids.

None of the teachers I know expect a gift or would be able to tell you the parents who didn't give gifts but if you're able to show a little appreciation through a gift or card I really don't see why you wouldn't.

Well usually if they're going to make stuff in class, they've asked the kids to bring certain items in. I would think the school would have a certain amount budgeted so that supplies can be bought? Unless a teacher says outright to the parents that they've bought supplies so the kids can do a craft project, how would anyone know to then give a gift or a card or just say thank you? I'm sure teachers wouldn't want 30 cards saying thank you, I can imagine they'll just end up in the bin a few days/week later. I'm sure some teachers do a wonderful job of teaching children, but I personally have not come across a teacher that has gone above and beyond. I'm sure there are some that do. I just haven't come across it myself

@Babapudding
If you feel that you have not met a teacher that has gone above and beyond, I would seriously reevaluate your children’s education. Very sad.

@Babapudding

Most teachers aren't 'only doing their job'. They're putting a hige amount of their personal time and energy into the kids they teach. Most people don't only give presents or cards to people they deeply care about, they also give presents to people they appreciate for other reasons. For the one year of their life my child's teacher sees more of them than they do their aunts, uncles and grandparents. They're a massively important part of their life. My kids love to give them a present and write a nice card for that reason.

Now giving gifts to teachers should never be demanded and most teachers would hate o get a gift someone can't really afford. In fact most I know most value a card with sincere message. BUT if you genuinely can't understand why some people want to give a little extra to someone who puts so much additional time and energy into their child's life then I can only imagine you're being deliberately obtuse.

I'm sure teachers wouldn't want 30 cards saying thank you, I can imagine they'll just end up in the bin a few days/week later.

Absolute rubbish - do you not send thank you cards to other people (despite the fact they'lk be eventually thrown away). I'm not a teacher but I do work with kids in an educational setting and also do volunteer work with kids and I really appreciate every thank you card I get. Working with children can be rewarding but it's bloody exhausting and it really helps to know that it's appreciated.

May or may not be relevant but it's an independent school and £10 per parent is a standard.

It is definitely relevant! I’ve worked in schools in the past where parents wouldn’t have been able to afford £10 (or less than that) for a teacher collection. The vast majority of parents who have children at an independent school can afford £10.

I think maybe it was the set amount and the already picked out pair of shoes that was the issue. If someone said to me “We want to get Ms X a voucher for this shop for Christmas as we know she loves their shoes, so any contribution you’d like to give will be put towards that” I’d think that was an excellent idea. Saying “I asked Ms X what she’d like for Christmas from the class and she said this particular pair of shoes, so if you all give £10 I’ll get them for her” does sound a bit cheeky, even if £10 is the norm.

I'm sure teachers wouldn't want 30 cards saying thank you, I can imagine they'll just end up in the bin a few days/week later.

I have a box of cards from over the years as I have kept every one that a child has made or has written themselves.

I'm sure teachers wouldn't want 30 cards saying thank you, I can imagine they'll just end up in the bin a few days/week later

Isn’t that what happens to most Christmas cards anyway? Doesn’t stop people sending them.
I don’t care what teachers do with the cards and gifts I send... gifts are for people to do what they want with. It’s a token of my appreciation. And my children’s teachers do go above and beyond.
I get a bonus in my work, and gifts from clients, even though I get paid to do my job. Why is it different for teachers?

Our school asked for £30 per child! Although the gift was then split between the teacher and various teaching assistants. I was a bit put out.

@sheridanstar

Our school asked for £30 per child! Although the gift was then split between the teacher and various teaching assistants. I was a bit put out.

Did you pay?

It sounds to me that gift giving to teachers has become “ fashionable” , and maybe even competitive. I think that’s sad. If you feel that any worker has gone above and beyond what’s required of them for the job then a small personal gesture should mean more. A personal message in a card or a token gift with a message conveys the appreciation better IMO.

I don’t think it’s competitive... I have no idea what any other parent gives (or doesn’t give) and they have no idea what I give.

designer shoes this year.... PS5 next year?????

I don't think the designer shoes are the issue, the only issue is whether people were compelled or pressured to give a certain amount. If people confidentially gave whatever they felt comfortable with or nothing at all then at the end there was enough money for designer shoes I don't see what the problem is. If everyone had to give £10 in order to pay for the designer shoes then obviously it's more of a problem although I would suspect that would be down to the person organising the gift rather than the teacher.

My kids are at a prep school and usually they give vouchers and ask for £15 per child for the teacher and TA. Lots of people choose not to donate and either do their own thing or don't bother.

I do think some people do it in a show offy way and go OTT but the vast majority of people just appreciate the hard work and care the teachers put into our kids and want to give a token of gratitude. I personally always do vouchers because I hate waste and don't know the teachers well enough to know what they'd actually want.

@IMNOTSHOUTING

I'm sure teachers wouldn't want 30 cards saying thank you, I can imagine they'll just end up in the bin a few days/week later.

Absolute rubbish - do you not send thank you cards to other people (despite the fact they'lk be eventually thrown away). I'm not a teacher but I do work with kids in an educational setting and also do volunteer work with kids and I really appreciate every thank you card I get. Working with children can be rewarding but it's bloody exhausting and it really helps to know that it's appreciated.

Nope, I don't send thank you cards. If a thank you is needed/required, then I say it to them face to face at that moment with a smile.

@MistletoeandGin

I'm sure teachers wouldn't want 30 cards saying thank you, I can imagine they'll just end up in the bin a few days/week later

Isn’t that what happens to most Christmas cards anyway? Doesn’t stop people sending them.
I don’t care what teachers do with the cards and gifts I send... gifts are for people to do what they want with. It’s a token of my appreciation. And my children’s teachers do go above and beyond.
I get a bonus in my work, and gifts from clients, even though I get paid to do my job. Why is it different for teachers?

I don't tend to send out Christmas cards now, as most people I know don't bother with them and are not fussed about receiving any. Like I've said in a previous post, if people want to buy gifts for teachers I don't care, it's their personal choice. But I don't understand why it's a thing to get teachers presents. Why not just say to their face thank you for all that you've done for my child, etc etc?!🙂

[quote Mustbemagic]@Babapudding
If you feel that you have not met a teacher that has gone above and beyond, I would seriously reevaluate your children’s education. Very sad.[/quote]
Oh dear.... Well teachers are human and no one is perfect. There are many teachers that just do their job and do not go above and beyond. They exist, believe me.
Unless you're going to tell me every single teacher in the country always goes above and beyond?

Why not just say to their face thank you for all that you've done for my child, etc etc?

Well this year it’s because I haven’t been able to see them face to face.
And a gift is a token of my appreciation.
As I said, I get cards and gifts from my clients at work. This is the same to me.

[quote IMNOTSHOUTING]@Babapudding

Most teachers aren't 'only doing their job'. They're putting a hige amount of their personal time and energy into the kids they teach. Most people don't only give presents or cards to people they deeply care about, they also give presents to people they appreciate for other reasons. For the one year of their life my child's teacher sees more of them than they do their aunts, uncles and grandparents. They're a massively important part of their life. My kids love to give them a present and write a nice card for that reason.

Now giving gifts to teachers should never be demanded and most teachers would hate o get a gift someone can't really afford. In fact most I know most value a card with sincere message. BUT if you genuinely can't understand why some people want to give a little extra to someone who puts so much additional time and energy into their child's life then I can only imagine you're being deliberately obtuse.[/quote]
It's very lovely that your child likes their teacher. If they like to write a card and give a present that's great. However, why give a gift?
Going up to the teacher and thanking them personally for all that they've done for the children or the children talking to the teacher and thanking them would be equally lovely.
The world just feels very materialistic and it feels like you have to give gifts out to loads of people, when just a polite and heartfelt thank you should be more than enough.