What things do you find rude that others don’t seem to?

[TheRaccoon]

I’ll go first:

• People who season food before they’ve tried it
• People who take ages to text back (or don’t at all)
• People who are late for no reason

@CutToChase

None of these are controversial in the slightest. I do actually have a controversial one:

Introverts who don't make an effort. I know I'll get slaughtered for saying it, but I do find it rude in social situations when people take a backseat and let others do the conversational heavylifting consistently.

I'm tired too. I think its inane too. You arent somehow more emotionally intelligent for remaining basically dumb throughout the entire evening, but you are rude because you're relying on other people putting in the effort to give the evening some semblance of meaning. Because if we all just sat there quietly well.... That would be awkward.

This is horribly judgmental and ignorant. You obviously don’t understand the nature of introverts. I am one and I dread social situations, I know I’m going to freeze, not know what to say and struggle but I force myself to go and sometimes that alone takes all the effort in the world. Just because you find something easy, you can’t possibly understand how someone else might struggle. I’m sure you’ve just made a lot of socially anxious people feel ten times worse. Chronic shyness is an awful thing to have and it is not rudeness or laziness.

The origins of R.I.P., and why it's not a rude thing to write.

Not being ready to eat food that someone's cooked for you. My DP does it - I'll be almost done cooking breakfast and find he's jumped in the shower, or dinner will be ready and he's just rang his mum. Drives me mad.

This is horribly judgmental and ignorant. You obviously don’t understand the nature of introverts. I am one and I dread social situations, I know I’m going to freeze, not know what to say and struggle but I force myself to go and sometimes that alone takes all the effort in the world. Just because you find something easy, you can’t possibly understand how someone else might struggle. I’m sure you’ve just made a lot of socially anxious people feel ten times worse. Chronic shyness is an awful thing to have and it is not rudeness or laziness.

Yes, somebody on this thread is displaying ignorance and being judgmental. It’s not Cuttochase, though. Why do you think that it is appropriate to attack somebody for thinking differently to you? Perhaps it is just as well that you ‘freeze’ in social situations, since it means that your fellow guests are spared (1) hearing how they can’t possibly understand what it is to suffer as you do and (2) being insulted for expecting you to participate in a basic level of conversation.

Always being the planner, organiser, and general social project manager with some friends. This has become more apparent over covid when we've had to be more creative about when and how we meet up and what we do. I have a few friends who need directing as to where to piss when they get up in the morning they're so hapless. It means my friendship circle has shrunk as I'm simply done with being the one finding the ideas for days out, making the WhatsApp groups, posting the links, specifying times etc.
Said friends will often woefully say when we've been somewhere "oh that looks good we would have come too"... Well get off your arses and sort something out then! It sounds petty but I'm completely sick of it. Also extremely hurtful when you see them at stuff with other people and they've just not invited you along...

"Sniffing, letting your children stand up in a supermarket trolley, feet on train seats, littering, dummies in children who can walk/talk, babygros that make 'cute' references to mummy/daddy, wet spoon in the sugar, pots left in the sink, not changing tea towels often enough, wind chimes, rings that have little chains on them, men sitting with their legs spread, heavy perfume, repeated lateness, fake lips, grown women twiddling with their hair/being girly whilst at work, people who havent trained their dogs not to jump up, house signs made out of number plates...."

I've highlighted the ones that I think are pretty normal to find rude, but I do find some of your other choices entertaining, to say the least! Why do you find fake lips rude, for example?

Ah bah, some of the highlighting failed! Ah well, you can see where it's meant to be bolded by the asterisks...

@Iamthewombat

This is horribly judgmental and ignorant. You obviously don’t understand the nature of introverts. I am one and I dread social situations, I know I’m going to freeze, not know what to say and struggle but I force myself to go and sometimes that alone takes all the effort in the world. Just because you find something easy, you can’t possibly understand how someone else might struggle. I’m sure you’ve just made a lot of socially anxious people feel ten times worse. Chronic shyness is an awful thing to have and it is not rudeness or laziness.

Yes, somebody on this thread is displaying ignorance and being judgmental. It’s not Cuttochase, though. Why do you think that it is appropriate to attack somebody for thinking differently to you? Perhaps it is just as well that you ‘freeze’ in social situations, since it means that your fellow guests are spared (1) hearing how they can’t possibly understand what it is to suffer as you do and (2) being insulted for expecting you to participate in a basic level of conversation.

Wow you sound like a lovely person. I’m sure the people in your life adore your special way of expressing yourself. Thank you for being in our world, you make it a wonderful place.

There you go again. Stay quiet in social situations and, ideally, online.

@Iamthewombat

This is horribly judgmental and ignorant. You obviously don’t understand the nature of introverts. I am one and I dread social situations, I know I’m going to freeze, not know what to say and struggle but I force myself to go and sometimes that alone takes all the effort in the world. Just because you find something easy, you can’t possibly understand how someone else might struggle. I’m sure you’ve just made a lot of socially anxious people feel ten times worse. Chronic shyness is an awful thing to have and it is not rudeness or laziness.

Yes, somebody on this thread is displaying ignorance and being judgmental. It’s not Cuttochase, though. Why do you think that it is appropriate to attack somebody for thinking differently to you? Perhaps it is just as well that you ‘freeze’ in social situations, since it means that your fellow guests are spared (1) hearing how they can’t possibly understand what it is to suffer as you do and (2) being insulted for expecting you to participate in a basic level of conversation.

You are truly the most horrible person write such shit.

Another one who can’t see the irony of insulting somebody who disagrees with them. “I’m going to tell you that you are horrible, as horribly and spitefully as I can!”. It’s laughable.

@pigletpie2177

People starting an email with just my name when: A) they don't know me; B) they are being generally knobbish in the email; and C) I work in what is generally considered to be quite a formal job.

It gives me the rage. I don't mind if we've spoken before and they are being pleasant but I'd never go straight in with a first name on a professional email.

Also - totally agree with seasoning food before eating it. Especially if I made it!

Then how do you recommend people to say? (It's my personal curiosity)

Mr and Ms with their last name?

Strangers or people you hardly know (always men, usually in their fifties) sending you pms on social media, as if it's a dating site. If I wanted to do online dating, I would be on an actual site for it.

"Hi
Hi. How are you?
Hi, how are you today?
Don't you want to speak?
Hi
Hi"

The rudeness is on not being introduced first.

I had one a couple of weeks ago who told me had dreamed about me, and dreamed that I had killed him.

I ignore them all.

Introverts who don't make an effort. I know I'll get slaughtered for saying it, but I do find it rude in social situations when people take a backseat and let others do the conversational heavylifting consistently

Why do you assume silence is a problem? It may be for you, it wouldn't be for me. I think you are having a go at others for not scratching your itch.

I think no-one should talk who doesn't want to, and that includes you, if you're finding it a burden. It's extremely unlikely, in a large group of people, that no-one will want to talk. But even if the talker of last-resort is doing it under duress, because they'd rather have that burden than silence, they're still doing it to meet their own need. (And the needs of people who are like them, to be fair.)

Can we put the introvert/extrovert thing to bed now, please? It's really distorting an otherwise fun thread.

If you’re at a table with one or more people who make it clear that because they don’t fancy making conversation they have no interest in whether anyone else is enjoying themselves - yes, that’s quite rude in a social situation. Because it’s selfish.

If two people at the table want opposite things, why is one getting their way more selfish than the other doing so? I feel there are some unstated assumptions here, that may be wrong.

@Sue9008

I think they mean people who don't start an email with a greeting, eg:
'Dear So n So'
'Hi Sue'

It does come across as knobby when someone you don't know well or who hasn't met you just starte an email with 'Tara' just because they think it makes them sound authoritative

i hate when young contestants on pointless insist on saying , " that was before my time, ,most things are but does not mean to say you wouldnt know the answer

Not sure if this counts as being rude but yes I totally agree!! I'm 25 and feel other 20-somethings really let the side down when they claim not to know stuff about well-known things before their time, like The Beatles or Mozart! Or when the quizmaster mentions this! I PREFER things from before my time

What I find incredibly rude at work is when someone comes through the office on their way to somewhere else, shouting into their phone the entire way through, or with a colleague and shouting to each other. Do they not see the people working at their desks? Are we just ornaments?

Also the number of people who spell my name wrong in emails. It's a short, perfectly normal name, and it's right there as part of my email address. How difficult is it to copy it? If you can't be bothered to get it right then just leave it off the message.

People not getting my surname right.
People with poorly written grammar (dyslexia excepted).
People who never make any effort to arrange anything and leave it all up to you.
People who insist on using their phones on loudspeaker.

Agree friends that let you do all the chasing and arranging. Constant lateness annoying too!!

People on social media who think you owe them an answer, or more info (including MN!)

I recently posted an opinion on a FB thread and was immediately jumped on by the OP (who also did this to many others who disagreed with them!) with
"why? where's your proof?"
[gave them my source]
"Link".
"show me your proof, exactly, where they say that."

My response to that was to ignore it. You want me to engage, you ask civilly in the first place, and if you don't, then you don't get to DEMAND stuff from me that you can fucking well go and Google yourself.

@Sojo88

i hate when young contestants on pointless insist on saying , " that was before my time, ,most things are but does not mean to say you wouldnt know the answer

Not sure if this counts as being rude but yes I totally agree!! I'm 25 and feel other 20-somethings really let the side down when they claim not to know stuff about well-known things before their time, like The Beatles or Mozart! Or when the quizmaster mentions this! I PREFER things from before my time

Richard Osman doesn't usually let this pass though!

@CounsellorTroi

No, you're right - I like Richard Osman!

Restaurants that bring out all if the adult meals first and leave the kids until last.
Shop assistants who, when giving you change, put the note in your hand first and the balance the coins on top.