What things do you find rude that others don’t seem to?

[TheRaccoon]

I’ll go first:

• People who season food before they’ve tried it
• People who take ages to text back (or don’t at all)
• People who are late for no reason

Licking fingers (with some lip-smacking to boot) while eating in company.
Even some well-educated people do it in the UK as if it's just to show how good the food is. Yuk!

People who walk along the pavement whilst smoking. I have a 25min walk to work. Nice fresh air, No. There are usually several people puffing away up ahead, to far to overtake but close enough to keep giving you a lungful of stinky smoke every so often. 🤢

(I mean in company who is not your household - if they are think it's ok, then obvs fine to do it at home).

Yoni on the subject of walking on pavements, just how stupid or arrogant is it to walk slowly as a couple/group on narrow pavement and block it to anyone behind you!

And the worst version of this - when these idiots actually face people approaching them and STILL don't move sideways, but expect people to stop/disappear and make way, or push then out into the road!

The attitude to introverts in this thread is exactly why I hate socialising in large groups with people I don't know well.
I have plenty to say, and yes I can do small talk - if extroverts would actually let me get a word in!
In a large group situation the conversation always feels fragmented, bouncing from one thing to another very quickly. By the time I've thought of what to say and waited for a gap, people have moved on to something else. Or I start to talk and then an interruption happens - someone talks over me or a new person walks into the room, diverting the group's attention as I'm mid sentence, and I feel awkward.
Other people's voices also seem so much louder than mine. I struggle to make myself heard in a group situation, I'll say something and no one hears (or maybe they're just ignoring me?) and that feels awkward too.
People saying "well you've got a job and a relationship so you can't be that shy", yes but a relationship is one to one, and the other person is interested in what you have to say. Jobs, again it's one to one or a small group of people at interviews and they're there to talk to you.
Maybe if introverts are quiet around you, it's because you're talking too much. A bit of silence really isn't the worst thing. Ask them a question, pause and then actually listen, let them finish and be genuinely interested rather than thinking of the next thing to say just to avoid silence.

Introverts who don't make an effort. I know I'll get slaughtered for saying it, but I do find it rude in social situations when people take a backseat and let others do the conversational heavylifting consistently.
This is one of the most entitled comments I have read on here. Why are you being a martyr? Is there something wrong with sharing silence or do you have to be so over the too always? Perhaps the reason they are quiet is you, and not their introversion?

It was an incredibly jarring comment wasn't it

Accepting an invitation to a social event (e.g a birthday party or dinner party), then cancelling because you’ve had a “better offer”. I feel particularly sorry for children who have no shows at their birthday parties, sometimes because their guests’ PARENTS offered to take them out somewhere else. What a shitty habit to pass on to your children.
^ This x100. Just do not, please do not accept the invite so the parents could plan something else.

@LimitIsUp

It was an incredibly jarring comment wasn't it

Exactly!

Really? You think it’s ok to sit in silence at a social event you have chosen to attend and to let others (who are not all extroverts btw) make all the social effort? Come on. Not fair.

Really? You think it’s ok to sit in silence at a social event you have chosen to attend and to let others (who are not all extroverts btw) make all the social effort? Come on. Not fair.

But why is it not fair? They are not there for your entertainment. They probably prefer it if you left them alone and found someone else to entertain you. This is why its an issue with introverts vs extroverts. Extroverts always feel entitled to conversation no matter who it is with.

I went to a party we challenged ur selves to talk to 3 new people by the end of the eveing. imanaged. 9I think i am middle of the road neither extrovert or introvert.) Others didn,t manage the challenge but talked to one or two people. If your at a social event the expectation is you be social.

Well exactly June. If you are stuck next to a random and you make polite conversation and they blank you it’s rude! Yes of course I would move on if i could but sometimes you are stuck! My fil is terrible for this just sits there. Exhausting. Yet if I am quiet as cba I get “are you ok?” 🙄. My role is to keep the conversation going it seems 🙄

When people say in emails 'can you do x please?"

I find 'please?' at the end of a request quite sarcastic, particularly if it ends with a question mark. As if I should have done it and so they are asking again. That is the tone I hear in my head.

Dh says it is perfectly acceptable. I still don't like it but maybe it is just me.

What would you prefer, @blueshoes? Genuine question. I sometimes find myself going back and inserting a please I hadn't originally used, thinking that I might be read as rude or bossy without one.

@blueshoes

When people say in emails 'can you do x please?"

I find 'please?' at the end of a request quite sarcastic, particularly if it ends with a question mark. As if I should have done it and so they are asking again. That is the tone I hear in my head.

Dh says it is perfectly acceptable. I still don't like it but maybe it is just me.

what about kindly please?

How can please be rude???
Is this a wind up?

Extroverts always feel entitled to conversation no matter who it is with

Yeah, those human beings expecting basic human interaction. So entitled!

If it were left to people like you, I genuinely think that the human race would die out. The ants and termites with their superior social skills would take over.

If it were left to people like you, I genuinely think that the human race would die out. The ants and termites with their superior social skills would take over.

That sounds perfect.

I would put please at the start of a sentence: "Please could you do x". My preference is to say "Appreciate if you could do x" or "I would be grateful if you could do x" or "It would be great if you could do x".

This would be to colleagues I work with in various other offices or outside my immediate department, so it is more formal. They are often juniors so I try to be polite in my tone.

Accepting an invitation to a social event (e.g a birthday party or dinner party), then cancelling because you’ve had a “better offer”. I feel particularly sorry for children who have no shows at their birthday parties, sometimes because their guests’ PARENTS offered to take them out somewhere else. What a shitty habit to pass on to your children.^ This x100. Just do not, please do not accept the invite so the parents could plan something else.

Massively shitty habit to raise your kids with. Not had this with parties but a friend (Ish) does this. When I was going through my divorce (which largely she was incredibly supportive of) I made plans with her to spend a child free evening together. She cancelled saying she was too tired - I was fine with that we had babies. Then later in the week I heard someone ask her what she did on sat - she replied 'oh yeh I ended up staying out until 1am with the school mums it was great!' I was crushed. I took a huge step back from that friendship then.

Not rsvp-ing formal invitations.

People getting up constantly from the table during meals. Makes me crazy.

I think I'd be fine with please at the end of the sentence without a question mark at the end. It is the tone of that question mark. I find it is people who write colloquially who do it.

Like I say, my dh disagrees with me.

@MsTSwift

Well exactly June. If you are stuck next to a random and you make polite conversation and they blank you it’s rude! Yes of course I would move on if i could but sometimes you are stuck! My fil is terrible for this just sits there. Exhausting. Yet if I am quiet as cba I get “are you ok?” 🙄. My role is to keep the conversation going it seems 🙄

Obviously it's rude if someone doesn't respond when spoken to, but do you think sitting in silence is always rude? Been plenty of occasions where I'll sit in silence because the conversation seems to be flowing nicely without me, and I just enjoy watching others interact. I figure if people want me to take part they'll direct questions or comments at me. Maybe the conversation is on a subject I know little about.

I'd join in if invited, if I had anything worthwhile to add, or if there was an awkward lull, otherwise it made no sense to me to speak. I don't see that as rude?

@MedusasBadHairDay
I think you're missing the point, the point is that its rude because we could all just do that, and then the entire room would fall silent and nothing would happen. Most people except for the most hardcore extroverts would prefer to sit back in their chair and just take in the flow. But its lazy to do that, and its rude because you are actively relying on people making effort so you dont have to

Absolutely crotch. Most of us would prefer to sit back tbh but if we all did that the event would die on its feet. Which is cringey and unfair to the hosts especially if a wedding or something.

then the entire room would fall silent and nothing would happen

So you didn't read the bit where I said I wouldn't just continue to sit quietly in that situation then? And that I'd join in where possible? I'm not expecting to sit entirely in silence, far from it. But I think people should play to their strengths, I'm a better listener than talker, so feel it's best to take a step back and let the better talkers do that part