What things do you find rude that others don’t seem to?

[TheRaccoon]

I’ll go first:

• People who season food before they’ve tried it
• People who take ages to text back (or don’t at all)
• People who are late for no reason

Thanks for asking Ragwort - the sort of approach that works for dd involves letting her be in a novel social situation until she finds her feet, not putting her on the spot with questions and attention, but at the same time shooting her a smile at times and pausing to listen if she does find her voice. Its a lot to ask (i.e. we cant require that people walk on eggshells and be hyper empathetic) , and dd nor I really expect that to happen - but it would be good if people would at least reflect that this quiet person at the fringes is not being aloof or unfriendly, and it isn't that she cant be bothered or rude, but rather, this quiet person may have considerable difficulty with the situation and they are doing this best. She might not be someones cup of tea, but she's not at fault.

So I guess awareness, patience and an open mind is the what would work for my dd and others like her,

For the record, once my dd has grown accustomed to someone (take a while) and feels more confident in their presence she completely opens up, and she is friendly and fun - which friends of hers (who were prepared to give the mute in the corner a chance when they first met her) have happily discovered.

Wired - I get that too, a friend actually said to me 'I've put you on the misfits table as I know you are so good at social chit chat' ).

Any tips on how to keep a conversation going with people you semi know without interrogating them beyond the usual getting to know you stuff you'd do with strangers?

I don’t find chit chat easy and I agree the ‘mild acquaintance’ when you’re obliged to make conversation is the toughest.

I often go with holidays (not very 2020, but then there’s less call for chit-chat I guess? Even though zoom socials are pretty grim, you don’t have to speak specifically to the people on either side of you) - there’s often common ground and something new to talk about, people often like to talk about where they’ve been or where they want to go.

If you know where they live, asking for advice on good days out/walks near where they live even if you have zero intention of going there. Or hobbies you’re mildly aware they have - ‘my sister is just getting into motorcycle mechanics, I was really keen to ask your advice on the best kit, I want to get her something for Christmas.’

Anything where you are asking someone to talk about themselves I find works quite well.

Spelling my first name wrongly on a return email when they've already seen how it's spelt (it's also in my email address)

Making guests take theory shoe's off especially if they are dressed up!
Standing over guests nervously whilst they take the it shoes off.
Not asking how someone is just whether they can take the or shoes off.. Having a special place to sit which remains in place with guests and getting huffy when guests unwittingly sit in their special seat.

Letting people down at the last minute.
Being flaky.
Letting children down at childrens parties, not responding to invites.
Going to a party for children and deciding when your children.... Leave a party without consulting the host!.
I'm also finding whilst it's great children for safety have phones now so parents can check they are OK on play dates or sleep overs, it's also verging on intrusive!

Pretending you don't exist when they spent an evening with you at a small meeting or worked together on a project. Drove me mad when on the PSA and the b*itches ignore you until they want something from you. So so so rude.

ExDh used to say cheers instead of Thankyou. Really pissed me off

In a conversation with someone and they answer a call or read a text.....RUDE...

trying to have a conversation with someone who will not leave their phones alone,

People (men I guess) who wear hats/hoods inside or at the dinner table.

I get really annoyed with all the abbreviations used on this forum!! I've just about worked out what DIL is (daughter in law) but what's DH? And the rest of them.... please type in full till I get the gist, thank you!

To give another introvert's perspective, I'd have thought it was ruder to feign interest in someone by engaging in pointless small talk.

@Staycalmgirls

I get really annoyed with all the abbreviations used on this forum!! I've just about worked out what DIL is (daughter in law) but what's DH? And the rest of them.... please type in full till I get the gist, thank you!

There is a list of the site acronyms. I used to find it useful. Every so often someone pops up with a new one though just to throw me.

DH is Dear/Darling Husband.

Eating in the street! My Mum always used to tell us it was 'common' (were were very ordinary working class so no idea what this meant) We were never allowed to eat in the street so now I cannot ever do it even if I am very hungry. Thanks Ma

People saying 'shut up' when they mean 'you're kidding me' etc. It seems so dismissive.

Not being on time for something. I follow my Dad, i would rather be an hour early than 5 minutes late. It ties my stomach up in knots.

People who moan about having a headache/sore shoulder/aching joints etc. but haven't (and won't) take any painkillers. They continue to complain and sigh loudly, but refuse to help themselves. PLEASE STOP IT!

the overuse of crutch words..."like". "yunno". "you know what I mean" and saying each sentence as if it's a question

@MariaAngustias

Eating in the street! My Mum always used to tell us it was 'common' (were were very ordinary working class so no idea what this meant) We were never allowed to eat in the street so now I cannot ever do it even if I am very hungry. Thanks Ma

Yes I'm the same, it looks dreadful anyway

People who think it’s acceptable to swear in front of children.

When someone invites you to lunch or a visit but then answers long chatty phone calls, instead of saying they'll ring them back.

To give another introvert's perspective, I'd have thought it was ruder to feign interest in someone by engaging in pointless small talk

This is nothing to do with being an introvert and everything to do with common good manners. A lot of good manners is pretence, e.g. Dear etc. in a letter. They're not dear at all, you don't know them.

Regarding small talk, It's faking it until you make it. You never know, you might hit mutually interesting ground via the chit-chat, and at the very least you've shown attention.

@Sendintheclown

ExDh used to say cheers instead of Thankyou. Really pissed me off

Group of friends I knew from a local pub once did a trip to have tea at the Savoy for someone's birthday. We spent the entire journey there teasing each other about not saying "Cheers!" when drinks were served.

Of course when it came to it, all but one of us did it.

@bretta73

To give another introvert's perspective, I'd have thought it was ruder to feign interest in someone by engaging in pointless small talk.

No, that is not rude.

People who are continually late. It is extremely bad manners. I give zero fucks about your head tilt, eye roll and tinkly little laugh "oh I know, late as usual" Your arrogance is astonishing. We are equals and your time is no more important than mine! I am pleased to have your delightful daughter from time to time, but after she has been here all day and you are then 2 hours late picking her up is an absolute fucking piss take. I think she is embarrassed of you! Really hoping persistent latecomers read this thread and take it on board.