What things do you find rude that others don’t seem to?

[TheRaccoon]

I’ll go first:

• People who season food before they’ve tried it
• People who take ages to text back (or don’t at all)
• People who are late for no reason

I can't get upset about the use of condiments before eating. Some people just like more salt or pepper etc on the food, and they are the ones who are going to eat it. I find it arrogant and pretentious when a restaurant doesn't put condiments on the table, presumably on the basis that their food is already perfectly seasoned, and it would put me off going there again. I will say thank you to serving staff and I think you can judge someone by how generous they are in tipping. A lot of hospitality staff are minimum wage and rely on tips - even if furloughed, their earnings will have been slashed.

Still with food, I think it is polite to wait, but also polite for the host to ask the guests to start if the food is likely to go cold. However, I hate 'plated up' food, as I like to decide what items and how much I want to eat.

In terms of texting, I think a reply same day or next day is fine, unless it is something urgent.

I see that a few posters are still hung up about the use of the word 'Pardon'. Relax, Tatler now says it's ok!

The thing that really winds me up is people who have long and loud conversations on their mobile 'phones on public transport, especially business related conversations. Not only is it extremely discourteous and annoying to those sitting nearby, but it is an appalling breach of client confidentiality.

@TheRaccoon

People who season food before they’ve tried it

Mine is people who think they know how I like MY food better than me. I’ve never in my life eaten anything that was ‘too salty’ for me. I know if I can’t see salt on my food it’s not salty enough. I know my food preferences and it It has nothing to do with you how I like it.
And yes it’s bad for me, but so are smoking, drinking and many other things that others do that I don’t, you aren’t my doctor or my mother so just leave me eat my food the way I like it.

@Hathertonhariden

People clearing plates away before everyone has finished eating.

Oh this. My MIL (who I love) does this and it drives me bonkers. She then moans no one ever helps with the clearing and washing up. No, because WE ARE STILL EATING.

I hate it when people season their food before trying. My DH does it, but less now thankfully! I know he likes extra salt in his veggies so I out more on. So when he goes to add salt I always have to leap in and say I've already done it!!

Not acknowledging gifts or messages. Even if you can't respond fully at the time (eg to an invite) at least acknowledge youve received it. Otherwise you spend the while time worrying they haven't received it, but then you don't want to pester.... Same at work, if I make a request I need a response (yes chef! - I'm not a chef though haha) to show you've heard me.

It’s the people who are capable of doing it but refuse to meet others half way because their priority is entirely themselves who seem very rude to me. There are some on this thread who’ve been pretty open about that.

There are also people on this thread demanding others perform, say people 'need to' chat etc.

It isn't imo about introvert/extrovert so much as imposing your way on others - that is always rude. When encountering the unpleasant type of conversationalist, I used to perform. Now I don't. I do meet people half way, but some people ask for a lot more than that!

If you met me you wouldn't think I was an introvert, as I was well schooled in socialising as a child by parents who had a business that relies on social interaction!

I think quiet people have a lot to offer and since reading more on the subject I feel more confident I don't have to be someone else to fit in. If there are people out there who see their conversational input as 'doing the fact lifting' - you are saying you don't enjoy it and my view is you don't have to do it. A different conversation, equally interesting, could happen if you stop taking so much onto yourselves.

No one need be afraid of a pause in conversation.

@Housewife2010

I hate it when I give way to someone when driving and they don't acknowledge me. Just raising your hand doesn't take much effort.

Recently, someone actually saluted my husband when he had shifted over to let the other driver pass.

It was excellent.

It’s the people who are capable of doing it but refuse to meet others half way because their priority is entirely themselves who seem very rude to me. There are some on this thread who’ve been pretty open about that.

I'd say that's "being antisocial and rude" rather than "being an introvert".

I'd say that's "being antisocial and rude" rather than "being an introvert".

Sadly there is little room for pleasant quiet people in our present society.

Many quiet people face the choice of 'performing' or being interpreted as rude, rather than just quiet.

I would encourage all quiet people to read on the subject and learn that your approach is valuable as being more talkative.

@KatherineJaneway

People who travel to the USA and go out to restaurants but don't tip as they 'don't believe in it' or 'couldn't afford it'.

Tight arses.

I remember hearing a story about someone who went to Florida on holiday and by the end of the holiday, their funds were running a bit low.

Anyway they went to a restaurant and ended up tipping their waiter about 50 cents. Naturally the waiter was pretty insulted by that, as it seemed contemptuous.

As the diner and his girlfriend left the restaurant, the waiter said 'excuse me, Sir - you can have this back'.

Both parties were pissed off, but i agree with the waiter. I'm sure he would have preferred no tip at all.

Relatively minor, but those men who talk down to you patronising in a twee voice and say things like "hiya" as if you're a small child, or abbreviate things in a similar vein, such as "email addy".

They don't do it to men, they assume yiure stupid and yes, I look really young for my age and am small and slight, but just accord me the same resiect as anyone else fgs!

I've taken to not engaging but walking past repeating "hiya" in an exaggerated sarcastic tone. It's tremendously satisfying.

I agree Max, social skills seem to be a dying art and the use of 'social anxiety' as an excuse seems all too common. I do understand that some people have real social anxiety but it seems to be used as an excuse when people just 'can't be bothered'.
There's a difference between being 'quiet and pleasant' and 'downright stand offish'. I frequently meet people who say they find it hard to make friends but they seem incapable of making even the slightest effort to be friendly or have any understanding of normal social 'niceties'.

'.

social skills seem to be a dying art

This is a misconception I think.

Traditionally/historically we would never have gone to big events with people we didn't know. Weddings, for example, were for most people events within the known community.

Look at Austen, Gaitskill, Dickens - almost all those characters went to the same events and already knew each other well. But plenty in those books were socially inadequate too.

The idea of everyone being good at this stuff is a myth.

Quiet people have always been there.

Just to add, historically quiet people were more accepted before the cult of extrovertism really kicked off.

Both parties were pissed off, but i agree with the waiter. I'm sure he would have preferred no tip at all.

Yes. If their funds were running low, there was always fast food as an alternative.

For me, it’s when people bark SORRY at you when they actually mean “excuse me please”. Often when getting up from a window seat and you’re in the aisle, or to get past you in a shop.

@ShirleyPhallus

For me, it’s when people bark SORRY at you when they actually mean “excuse me please”. Often when getting up from a window seat and you’re in the aisle, or to get past you in a shop.

One time I said excuse me please to a woman lingering in front of the butter in Marks and Spencer on Princes Street in Edinburgh. It was during the festival.

She turned and shouted at me “You don’t mean excuse me please you mean get out of the way”.

Well actually I meant “excuse me please”. Now I mean “fuck off”.

I agree that eating before others is rude. Because if you are sitting down to eat together, then you are sharing a meal. If you've already half finished yours before they start, they are going to feel pressure to rush eating theirs, or you are going to be sat looking at an empty plate for a while as they finish.

If you are eating a meal together, then you are eating a meal together.

Eating as a group is a social activity that's more than just about putting calories in your body.

Also struggle with the "dont mind" types (looking at dh for this!), he gets annoyed when I sometimes say "I dont mind either so you can do the thinking." He doesn't like doing the planning of what we'll eat or where we'll go. "I dont mind" is a way out of the mental work.

“ If there are people out there who see their conversational input as 'doing the fact lifting' - you are saying you don't enjoy it and my view is you don't have to do it. A different conversation, equally interesting, could happen if you stop taking so much onto yourselves.”

How incredibly arrogant you sound. I’m confused why do you insistently keep using the word ‘performing’. No one wants you to perform, just to nod and politely return the question when someone asks how you are.

Margo agree but we hosted young Chinese students who ate their food before I even had the chance to sit down! Ate in silence then when they had finished they all trooped off! When I asked them about it They had been taught it was rude to speak at a meal time. I had to explain that wasn’t the case in basically any country outside China!

Actually happily I don’t have to attend duty events so much now as free lance so no tedious work events and in laws fallen out with their own extended family. This is not an issue when socialising with people you actually like!

People not accepting the fact I was born and raised in the UK (city name) when they ask where I’m from! If they want to know my ethnic background that’s a different question!

People commenting on how tiny I am. Tbh I would like to be a bit taller but I can’t change that. I would never comment on how big someone was to their face. I am also in proportion, I eat healthy and work out to look the way I do. I could put you in my pocket type comments to a 40 + yo woman aren’t appreciated!

Adults not saying thank you or please when it is warranted, happens a lot to me with emails and texts.

Adults riding push bikes on the pavement.

Loud eating.

People putting bags mostly handbags on tables, if you think about how many times your bags are on the floor it’s pretty disgusting to put it on a table people eat on.

I’m sure I have more but will park it there 🤣

I heartily agree with Ragwort that being quiet is 100% fine, but being belligerently silent is not. And this sneering that you don’t “do” polite conversation... strewth. Just spare a thought for the poor bugger desperately trying to find any common ground by asking tentative uncontroversial questions.

I once was sat at a work’s do of dh next to a woman who was silent. I found that she liked caravanning, so I asked her what type she had, where she’d been, and she told me in great, great detail. Then - nothing. I was quite pissed off because I’d made a real effort (and I am horribly shy) and clearly she couldn’t be arsed to even say, “Have you come far?” (Queen’s voice)

If anyone had social anxiety it was dm who - with hindsight - was quite ill with it. She would self-harm to avoid going to things and from a very young age (like 7!) I had to phone doctors/dentists etc as she would not. But even dm was more than pleasant and polite when absolutely required.

These people who are proud of their surliness should be ashamed of themselves.

I think there’s a difference between being introverted and ‘can’t be arsed’! I’m an introvert so the thought of social events fills me with dread BUT when I do get there I make sure I engage with other’s out of politeness. If someone is interested in me and makes the effort to engage, it’s incredibly rude not to participate. I pay attention to all the questions they are asking as it’s a clue to what they’d like to discuss. If someone asks you what you do for a living, it’s clear that they are curious and interested so it’s not difficult to reciprocate. I love to chat once I know someone is equally chatty and engaging. I can generally only keep this up for about 2 hours then I start to flag. I will then try make an excuse to leave. When I get home i’m exhausted from the effort but I gave it my best and hope people enjoyed my company!

Exactly what ilikemethewayiam said.

"I do understand that some people have real social anxiety but it seems to be used as an excuse when people just 'can't be bothered'."

But how do you and others prospose to tell the difference Ragwort? between those who 'can't be bothered' and those with debilitating social anxiety? It seems like my dd (18) with diagnosed social anxiety (medicated, receiving counselling - totally affects her life) is destined to be judged as rude and standoffish by people like you. What should she do - have it branded on her forehead? Or alternatively perhaps people could be more accepting and not think the worst of others