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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What things do you find rude that others don’t seem to?

802 replies

TheRaccoon · 16/12/2020 19:32

I’ll go first:

  • People who season food before they’ve tried it
  • People who take ages to text back (or don’t at all)
  • People who are late for no reason
OP posts:
MotherFeeder · 17/12/2020 20:31

I've learnt something new today.

LilMidge01 · 17/12/2020 20:39

People continuing their phone conversation when at the checkout in a shop. I always say "hang on a second, I'm just paying in the shop, I'll call you back in a second". I don;t know why but it just feels really rude and disrespectful to the cashier, but I can't quite put my finger on why

Cautionsharpblade · 17/12/2020 21:30

People bringing their baby to my (home-based) business meetings without even mentioning it beforehand. Aaaagh. How am I meant to talk turkey with your 11 week old twins here?!

inquietant · 17/12/2020 21:31

Kindly is the opposite of commanding you. MN makes me feel like whatever I do or say someone will be pissed off or take it as rudeness.

I agree with this.

This thread shows me how cross people are a lot of the time.

It's been good though cos I'm going to work even harder on not minding.

And on the introvert/extrovert thing - I'm not a true introvert so much as a quieter person than I used to be. People who talk a lot are ok too. I just think we need to let people be themselves.

JassyRadlett · 17/12/2020 21:40

The introvert/extroverts in social situations one is fascinating, particularly with people focusing on what they need/feel most comfortable with/prefer, without seeming to think about the other person or people with them and what they might need or like. To me, that’s selfish and rude.

I’m one who doesn’t find small talk or social situations terribly easy. I’ve had to work really, really hard at getting better at small talk because there were social situations I either wanted to be in or felt I should be in, or were requirements for my job. It still doesn’t come easily, but it’s easier with a lot of practising.

It is fairly awful, though, if you’re with someone at a social event - on a table with them at a dinner, say - and they make it clear they can’t be bothered to make an effort. Open questions are met with closed answers or monosyllables, and no effort at reciprocation.

If someone is clearly making an effort, or the conversation is flowing nicely without them, then that’s wonderful. If you’re at a table with one or more people who make it clear that because they don’t fancy making conversation they have no interest in whether anyone else is enjoying themselves - yes, that’s quite rude in a social situation. Because it’s selfish.

aquashiv · 17/12/2020 21:44

People who incorrectly use Ms Mrs or Miss then a passive aggressive email superior tone email. Use my name.

People who are rude to people who can't fight back eg shop assistants bullies basically.

JassyRadlett · 17/12/2020 21:49

I’ll also add ‘people who send me post, or post to both me and DH, without using any of my name - title, initial or surname.’

Mrs DH Initial DH Lastname is literally none of my names.

WinterWreathWitch · 17/12/2020 21:53

People who moan about a zoom quiz being so slow when it's been organised for the ENTIRE department by one bloke who is trying his best and has obviously put a lot of effort in/had to organise about 50 peoples connections/logistics.

People who skip ahead on the slides before the presenter in teams meetings and then post catty comments in a separate chat.

Icenii · 17/12/2020 21:58

People don't understand what introverts are. Introverts are more than capable of holding a conversation. However people with social anxiety or other conditions that make it difficult for them to interact or to understand how to interact are different. You really think they are rude? How horribly judgemental to judge someone so because they have difficulties fitting in to your norm.

I'm an introvert. I will make conversation and chat. I may leave early. I may also not be loud. People complaining, ever thought your idea of a good time is misaligned with the person you are complaining about? I'd rather hike as a group or something, but most people prefer to sit, eat and drink. Not my thing, but I'll go and interact, maybe not to the extent you wish. I'll also have fun.

JassyRadlett · 17/12/2020 22:02

I'm an introvert. I will make conversation and chat. I may leave early. I may also not be loud. People complaining, ever thought your idea of a good time is misaligned with the person you are complaining about? I'd rather hike as a group or something, but most people prefer to sit, eat and drink. Not my thing, but I'll go and interact, maybe not to the extent you wish. I'll also have fun.

I think that’s fine. I think I’m quite similar to you tbh.

It’s the people who are capable of doing it but refuse to meet others half way because their priority is entirely themselves who seem very rude to me. There are some on this thread who’ve been pretty open about that.

Icenii · 17/12/2020 22:08

I don't know. I'd happily sit with the knitter and relax. It works the other way too, with those needing the interaction expecting people to interact to their level. I'd happily go for a night out, reading a book with a glass of wine, with others doing the same. I'd find that fun! Others would be bored.

1Morewineplease · 17/12/2020 22:21

I was taught to eat a hot meal as soon as it arrives but wait for desserts until everyone else's has arrived.
I thought that was restaurant etiquette.

lemonsquashie · 17/12/2020 22:28

@LagneyandCasey

Not taking your shoes off in other people's houses. I find it utterly rude!
That's funny. I feel the opposite. Asking me to leave my shoes at the door like a temple of worship is annoying
feliciabirthgiver · 17/12/2020 22:28

Yes @CutToChase, I am married to an introvert and I do ALL the heavy lifting in any social situation which is pretty tiring.

feliciabirthgiver · 17/12/2020 22:33

Yes @Icenii you are absolutely correct, i should have said I find my DH's social anxiety thoroughly exhausting at times, that's not to say I'm not full of empathy for him which is why I carry all of the burden, but you are right to call that distinction out.

likeamillpond · 17/12/2020 22:35

People who yawn without covering their mouths.

MidgeRidge · 17/12/2020 23:06

@trixiebelden77 Yes, this is it. I’m not sure that all of the extroverts who have mentioned the introvert problem are actually extroverts at all. I‘m an introvert and also very shy (another misunderstood characteristic). However, I have learned to start conversations, fill awkward gaps, include people who look like they may want to be included. And I enjoy it. But it also exhausts me, and it takes a lot of ‘courage’. Most people I’ve met in the last 15 years are surprised to find out I’m shy, because I have learned ways of handling it. My husband is a social introvert but people often confuse him for an extrovert because he talks to absolutely everyone, is very funny and has a people-based job. But he needs his own space to recharge. His ease in social situations is something I could have easily hidden behind, letting him take the lead everywhere, but I knew that wouldn’t help me in the long run. It feels unbearable sometimes for a shy person in a crowd - it can be crippling. It’s unfair to judge introverted people as a whole because there are so many different kinds - those who are happy to let others take a lead and observe, those who will happily be the life and soul of a party as long as they get to go home and have plenty of space for a while afterwards, and a thousand in between. It would be equally unfair to judge extroverts by some of the comments on here. Extroverts don’t always take centre stage, they don’t all shout or talk over people or hog conversations. There are rude introverts and rude extroverts.
But to get back on track, I guess I find it rude when people make snap judgements and label people based on limited information (not directed at anyone in particular - I can think of many instances in life when once been annoyed by this)

Backtoblack1 · 17/12/2020 23:09

People who brag or virtue signal
On Facebook. Been worse than ever since covid

MaxNormal · 17/12/2020 23:52

I've thought of another one. I worked in the same place for years. Some people you'd see in the lift and despite having worked in the same building for years they'd just look at you with blank unfriendliness.
I took to saying a very cheery hello to the worst offenders.

I do find a lot of Brits have shit-awful social skills though. I lived on an international compound in the Middle East a few years ago and noticed at parties how skilled particularly the Americans were at introducing themselves and making friendly small talk.

MedusasBadHairDay · 18/12/2020 00:53

In the subject of customer service staff using first names, I used to work for a company where every customer I spoke to had an account and they had entered their own contact details. The vast majority had skipped the optional step to give a title, but would then get really angry because you didn't address them as Mrs/Miss/Dr etc and instead had the audacity to say their first name (with the surname!).

I don't know how they expected us to know

AddisonM · 18/12/2020 01:28

Yes the humblebrags. Telling everyone about their altruistic deed, for the likes. Nope

londonscalling · 18/12/2020 02:02

People who start clearing away your plates when others are still eating!!!

DrManhattan · 18/12/2020 04:00

Soz.
Hate this. Are you sorry or not. Soz sounds like you are sorry but not really.

EnPoinsettia · 18/12/2020 04:53

@Cautionsharpblade

People bringing their baby to my (home-based) business meetings without even mentioning it beforehand. Aaaagh. How am I meant to talk turkey with your 11 week old twins here?!
Hey, just give ‘em some milk. No biggie.
KatherineJaneway · 18/12/2020 05:26

@MotherFeeder

Sorry *@alexdgr8* this is the first ive heard of tipping hotel cleaners. I will most certainly ask all the extensive travellers I know (pre COVID of course) what the standard etiquette is
It's standard in the USA to tip hotel cleaners.