What things do you find rude that others don’t seem to?

[TheRaccoon]

I’ll go first:

• People who season food before they’ve tried it
• People who take ages to text back (or don’t at all)
• People who are late for no reason

Kids on iPads at tables in restaurants. Couldn’t care less if they have headphones in but I didn’t pay money to come out and listen to that witch Peppa. People not listening to you because they are running a full conversation with their child alongside yours. Not thanking for a present. Not even a quick text. Even worse when you give it in person and you can plainly see they’re not grateful at all. From about age 5 that is so not acceptable. Eating like a washing machine. Scraping a plate. Slurping. Yawning or coughing etc without covering your mouth. Eating off a knife. I notice a lot now, people aren’t using cutlery properly. More of an observation than anything. People who insist you visit but let their pets climb over you even though they know it’s a problem. I get it’s their house too so let’s meet elsewhere if keeping them off me is a problem!

Oh also making plans then nearer the time adding someone and they don’t want to do the original thing so you end up doing something completely different and can’t say no because you look rude.

People who won’t order starter/dessert in restaurants but then want to try mine

Hanging is too good for them. Dislike this so much.

On another topic, all this about introverts/extroverts as identifying behaviour they don't like is a pain.

I am an introvert, though you would never guess it from seeing me in a group or as a teacher. How do those who've posted here know that X is introverted/extroverted? Who cares?

I prefer:people who don't contribute to conversations and people who won't STFU. Deal with the behaviour.

@LagneyandCasey

Not taking your shoes off in other people's houses. I find it utterly rude!

@LagneyandCasey I'm the exact opposite! I don't care to smell foot odour nor do I care for your (rhetorical 'your') foot sweat to be rubbed into my carpet. In fact, I don't want to see your feet at all (and no, most women here don't wear socks and men often wear flipflops, sandals or moccasins), it is so vulgar and rude, so have some manners and keep your shoes ON and your feet covered.

Asking really personal questions, especially re. Having children or getting pregnant. For people with fertility problems, having to explain this over and again is horrible. For people who’ve stopped at one or decided not to have children, having to constantly defend their decision can be upsetting. My sis doesn’t have children by choice, but she’s so fed up of being grilled and put on the defensive by nosy relatives at family events. It’s none of their business!

And friends who make a date to meet up, then add other people to the invite without telling you. I have or friend who does this all the bloody time. Our kids are same age, and are friends, so we sometimes makes plans to meet up. Then we get there - and she’s invited a couple more families along! So a smallish relaxed event with close friends turns into a big party with strangers. I hate hate hate it.

When you greet someone with a "Hi, how are you?" and they reply "Fine" and that's it. Half the time I end up replying "Fine thanks" even though they haven't been bothered to ask! Awkward start to a conversation.

I'm a massive introvert but I'm afraid I'm on the side of the extroverts/conversation participants here. For everyone saying oh but you don't understand, I get anxiety in social situations, feel nervous and don't know what to say. That's how literally everyone feels. Every single person. If someone is talking at a party it's because they are making an effort, not because it's so easy for them and they love it.

Pp saying that extroverts should try to draw them out in conversation is a good example. Why should they? Why don't you draw them out? You aren't the guest of honour just because you identify as an introvert.

OK this is something I'm not sure if its rude or not - asking about people's backgrounds.

I've read so many times that it's the height of rudeness to ask people their background/where they or their parents are from. So I never do it. But in real life, I see others constantly asking and the person always loves to answer and spends ages proudly explaining. Then I feel like I'm rude for not asking - like I'm not interested in their life and culture.

Do not think I'm being some racist idiot asking this, like "oh you can't say anything these days, pc blah blah blah". It's nothing like that.

People who blow their noses in public. ESPECIALLY in restaurants and cafes.

I know it's controversial but I don't want to hear you expel wet snot from your nose into a tissue.

I just don't.

And friends who make a date to meet up, then add other people to the invite without telling you. I have or friend who does this all the bloody time

YES! I know a LOVELY woman who does this. If she wasn't so bloody nice, I wouldn;t meet up with her.

I think she does it because she's genuinely thoughtful...she and I will have made a date to do something nice and then she will text me the day of the thing and say "Tara's coming too"

And she's asked Tara because Tara's having a hard time...and she thinks that will cheer her up...without considering that I avoid Tara because she talks about herself incessantly!

Wow some people are really demanding and unforgiving about shy/anxious/exhausted people struggling to socialise... Not everyone has the wherewithal to reply to inane/banal texts/comments within 10 seconds..

I think it’s rude when people assume someone is impolite / lazy / stuck up when they are likely just frozen with anxiety
(Should not have read this thread... now I’m paranoid my friends think I’m rude when actually I’m just struggling to cope with PND and can’t bear to tell anyone the reality of it!)

@FlyNow I am not white and I am never offended by people asking where my parents are from, but I have friends who would find it offensive. Their reasoning is that asking about background is a low key way of saying “you’re obviously not from here, you’re not ‘one of us’”. So it’s all contextual, and there are ways of politely showing interest in another persons life story without accidentally making them feel alienated ! I do think that 99% of the time when ppl ask about someones heritage, their intentions are good

[quote PandemicPalava]@CutToChase so many of you feel like this!

Just to present the introvert perspective, well mine at least, I don't always speak because I am crap in groups and can't work out when to interject, how to join in. The social awkwardness means I miss the gap in conversation and start to panic inside. I start to feel like I can't enjoy the conversation properly as I am concentrating so hard to listen while panicking and also trying to figure out how to join in. This usually ends in me frozen and wishing I wasn't there. I also feel more comfortable with people who don't talk so much so the gaps are bigger for me to attempt to speak in. Introverts a lot of the time don't know how to do small talk but I bet, get into a meaty honest conversation and you won't shut us up [/quote]
This.

I hate meeting new people, if I have a work meeting and I know someone I haven’t met in real life will be there I don’t sleep the night before. I feel sick, panicky and generaly scared. When I get there my mouth completely dries up, I can’t get my words out and my flight instinct is engaged. The stress has a negative impact on my blood sugars so then I panic that I’m going to have to get my phone out and get my levels, but I can’t do that because I’m can’t explain what I need to do, and I can’t do it without explaining because then they’ll think I’m rude for using my phone.

When you do finally find the courage to talk you can’t because there aren’t any gaps in the conversation, or you just get ignored and they choose to talk over you. They usually aren’t talking to each other, they’re talking at each other.

If I know people I’m generally okay and I can join in, but I find very few people have the manners to actually allow another person to join a conversation, most people seem to talk just for the sake of talking and don’t actually have an interest in other people or their contribution to a conversation. People will constantly switch topics, its shows they haven’t actually listened to the other people in the conversation. Its like watching children brag while they try to out do each other.

[quote CutToChase]**@Ragwort* @hazandduck*
Either cant be bothered or it's actually a skill that's dying out?

What gets me is very often having unspokenly doubled up with one or two other extroverts in the group to get the conversation/evening off the ground, by the end you feel absolutely shattered because you've spent 4 or 5 hours essentially working, and you can see very clearly that the introverts are actually much more energised and buoyed than when they arrived.

Then you have to read articles about how extroverts get energy in social situations and introverts are left depleted. I don't think so!!![/quote]
You're not really describing introverts here. Low extroversion doesn't necessarily mean not chatty. I think you're just describing rude people.

People who dominate a conversation so another person can't get a word in. I did a training course a few months ago with about 6 people and one woman never shut up. I stopped trying to speak cos this woman would just shout out about something every time I opened my mouth. On the last day there was party food for us to have on break as the course was finishing and this woman butted in while the tutor was teaching and said she was starving and could she get her food now. So the tutor paused and waited for her ti get her food and by the time break time came she'd already had hers. I can't have been the only one to find it rude.

Assuming my name is shortened. It's not.

Saying "oh just wait until you have kids!" with a laugh and dismissive hand wave. Ever considered that I might not want them/be infertile/have had a miscarriage/stillborn? No? STFU then.

Not making any effort with appearance when going out and meeting people. If it's a group gathering at a restaurant, is it really so difficult to wear something you wouldn't clean the house in and brush your damn hair?

Letting your dog jump up at me. I love all animals but I also love having clean clothes.

Saying "we're all on the autistic spectrum!" No we're not and you're invalidating those that are.

Commenting on someone else's food choices. I'm a grown-up, I know ice cream isn't healthy. Do I care? No. Neither should you.

Pointing out a detail about a person's appearance that they can't fix within 15 seconds.

People who are too diet-virtuous to order any chips/pudding when you’re eating out, and then proceed to pinch your chips, and/or want ‘just a bit’ of your pudding, too.
Even more so if they’re pretending to be diet-virtuous when they’re just plain tight.

Shoes-off was never a thing when I was growing up, either, not unless they were muddy or very wet. It was seen as a very over-house-proud and (according to my folks) a lower-class thing. I still don’t ask or expect it, and have never thought my carpets more important than my guests’ comfort.

@SilverBirchWithout

Shortening people's names if you don't know them well. If Deborah wanted to be called Debbie or Debs, she would have introduced herself to you as such Oh yes this makes me so annoyed, I feel like saying in my haughtiest voice ‘sorry you don’t know me’. But contrarily, once someone is close I have no problem at all with my name being shortened!

This one I find so rude. It wasn’t until lockdown I realised Everyone was doing it to my H on work calls, including people from outside companies he had spoken to previously. Nobody ever calls him by a shortened name outside of work, he never refer to himself by a shortened version or signs emails that way so I find it so rude that they would assume it’s ok.

Those who think the "introverts" or quiet ones in the group are not engaging in conversation to their requirements, take a second before you judge and assume. These people could have crippling anxiety, or just be having an issue you know nothing about. Of course there are rude people out there who don't show interest in others, but You never know whats going on in somebody else's head.

People taking photos without asking
People turning up uninvited
I hate when people use titles, I am TYVM
People who pull up across crossings, or drives or other inconvenient spaces saying 'I'll only be a minute'

If I'm honest, I find a some (not all) extroverts simply rude, I wouldn't bother to talk to them at a party if they were boring on. I genuinely dont care if they think I'm rude, the feeling is usually mutual.

@CutToChase

None of these are controversial in the slightest. I do actually have a controversial one:

Introverts who don't make an effort. I know I'll get slaughtered for saying it, but I do find it rude in social situations when people take a backseat and let others do the conversational heavylifting consistently.

I'm tired too. I think its inane too. You arent somehow more emotionally intelligent for remaining basically dumb throughout the entire evening, but you are rude because you're relying on other people putting in the effort to give the evening some semblance of meaning. Because if we all just sat there quietly well.... That would be awkward.

I agree with this. I have a friend who I've known forever who I rarely see because she's such hard work and trying to carry a conservation is like pulling teeth.

Introversion/extroversion doesn’t have anything to do with chattiness or social skills, as I understand. There are plenty of shy extroverts around, and loud introverts.

The key question is: what do you do when you feel down, and need to “recharge your battery “? Do you look for people to spend time with- or do you need time alone?

I’m an extrovert. When I feel drained, a couple of hours with a few friends sorts me out. Even being in work with my colleague helps. Or annoying my kids :-) Being left alone in that situation just makes me feel worse: I need that period of interaction to tide me over.

My friend, she’s an introvert. When she’s had a hard week, she seeks solitude. She needs time alone to get ready for her next set of interactions, as they drain her.

My friend is no more shy or socially restricted than me. But if she’s feeling down, the last thing she wants to do is go somewhere busy. Whereas I would seek out company in that situation.

My SIL suffers social anxiety and depression. she’s not choosing to be like this. It makes her life pretty hard and I don’t judge her for it. She’s already convinced that people think she’s boring and hard work, why make her feel any worse?

• Late people (late people probably think the same about us early people! )
• Flakiness - I am a captain of a team sport and have had to grow a thick skin when it comes to people messaging me with flaky reasons when they pull out of coming to training at the last minute, otherwise I’d tear my hair out.

Friends who make arrangements to meet for a drink or whatever and then always let you do the running when the date approaches and plans are finalised. I have a friend who does this every time. She lives about an hour away. As the date approaches I sometimes wait to the last moment to see if she’ll contact me first but she never does. It’s almost as if her life is so busy she’s hoping we’ll both ‘forget’. We always have a great time together and I know she’s probably like this with everyone so I put up with it. Out of sight, out of mind type, though if she happens to think of me she might call me out the blue and be all there for me. Sorry, that was long-winded but It drives me nuts!
Other things:
People who yawn in your company without making any attempt to suppress it... ugh. Yawning while actually speaking is even worse!
People who regularly ask to borrow a pound or whatever and ‘forget’ to pay back ( but it’s ok because they’re always generous. This is my sister, she must owe me a fortune!)
People staring gormlessly at their phones in social situations or constantly checking them
People who don’t open yr WhatsApp message for ages so you’ll think they haven’t seen it... of course they have!! Though I probably do that myself :-)
Not being thanked for presents sent to nieces/nephews etc or being thanked by the parent on behalf of their darling teen (who couldn’t possibly find time to send a quick text

I, as an introvert, find it rude to be expected to spend my free time 'socialising'. If you force us into situations we wouldn't chose for ourselves, then expect us to take on the burden of chatting and such, then that's the rude thing here.