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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - I've cancelled Christmas

138 replies

CancelledChristmas · 16/12/2020 09:42

This morning I cancelled our Christmas plans. I won't go into the outing family dynamics of who was invited but I can say that I was railroaded into doing Christmas lunch once again because of other peoples laziness and reluctance to put their hand in their deep pockets.

I've just had enough. I have a bag of shit going on in my life right now and we are neighbouring a hotspot that will soon spread into where I live. No one cares about bringing Covid into my house so now I am putting my foot down and have said NO. The shit will hit the fan and I will be persona non grata but I am overwhelmed at the moment and no one gives a shit about my MH or my nuclear family's Christmas and I have had enough.

Apparently, they are very upset. I am very upset about always carrying the load for everyone else and that I was put in a position of having 5 extra people come over to my house when I only invited 2 of them.

WIBU

OP posts:
houseinthesnow · 16/12/2020 11:34

Good for you!!!

They can do the workload, you op should put your feet up and enjoy the break Wine

Tearsfortiers · 16/12/2020 11:36

Good for you OP. Hope you have a lovely, relaxing Christmas. Do not let them make you feel guilty!

Ellie56 · 16/12/2020 11:42

Excellent decision @CancelledChristmas. You will have a much better time.

How rude of people to invite themselves/others in the first place, especially in the middle of a pandemic. Let them crack on and sort their own Christmas out.

TheVanguardSix · 16/12/2020 11:42

Apparently, they are very upset.

To use my brother's favourite saying, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."
They're upset because you won't be breaking a sweat and your bank account, stuffing their greedy faces and making them momentarily happy. You're making YOU happy. Good for you! Raise a glass to yourself and keep this up! Look after you, OP. Because believe me, they're not going to. Stay in the zone, OP. Stay in the zone. Flowers

IMNOTSHOUTING · 16/12/2020 11:44

You haven't cancelled Christmas you've just refused to be railroaded into providing other people's Christmas for them. You can have a lovely, safe day with your nuclear family and the other 5 can manage to cater for themselves.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 16/12/2020 11:46

Good for you! Have a very Happy Christmas with your own family, it'll be far more fun for you all. If you feel like it, why not get an Indian take-away instead of doing all that slaving over a hot turkey for hours? Grin

Emeraldshamrock · 16/12/2020 11:46

Good for you, have a happy safe Christmas.

Penners99 · 16/12/2020 11:47

Well done OP!

AcornAutumn · 16/12/2020 12:02

@CancelledChristmas

This morning I cancelled our Christmas plans. I won't go into the outing family dynamics of who was invited but I can say that I was railroaded into doing Christmas lunch once again because of other peoples laziness and reluctance to put their hand in their deep pockets.

I've just had enough. I have a bag of shit going on in my life right now and we are neighbouring a hotspot that will soon spread into where I live. No one cares about bringing Covid into my house so now I am putting my foot down and have said NO. The shit will hit the fan and I will be persona non grata but I am overwhelmed at the moment and no one gives a shit about my MH or my nuclear family's Christmas and I have had enough.

Apparently, they are very upset. I am very upset about always carrying the load for everyone else and that I was put in a position of having 5 extra people come over to my house when I only invited 2 of them.

WIBU

Have any of these people ever hosted Christmas? Have you been invited to theirs this year?
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/12/2020 12:03

There’s still plenty of time for them to buy and organise what’s needed - and put their hands in their pockets to pay for it. I dare say that’s what they’re most ‘upset’ about.

Original poster
CancelledChristmas · 16/12/2020 12:03

Have any of these people ever hosted Christmas? Have you been invited to theirs this year?

No and no

OP posts:
speakout · 16/12/2020 12:05

I think I am a nice, generous person.

Try to adjust your internal view.

I am not particularly "nice"- very overrrated.

I am kind, strong and fair.

I have no desire to be nice.

grapewine · 16/12/2020 12:09

I have no desire to be nice.

This.

Good for you, OP.

silverbubbles · 16/12/2020 12:12

Good for you!!
Enjoy your Christmas however you choose to spend it.

Sloth66 · 16/12/2020 12:12

Well done for putting a stop to this sponging.
Hope you have a great christmas

AcornAutumn · 16/12/2020 12:21

@CancelledChristmas

Have any of these people ever hosted Christmas? Have you been invited to theirs this year?

No and no

Blimey Set a precedent generally apart from Covid.
RainMoon · 16/12/2020 12:22

Huge well done!
There is always turkeys and veg on Christmas Eve still

WrongKindOfFace · 16/12/2020 12:25

Good on you. I hope you enjoy a lovely, lazy Christmas.

MichelleofzeResistance · 16/12/2020 12:29

They're very upset

And this is your problem because.....?

You're very upset too. Sad isn't it? Never mind. Well done OP, you've done the right thing.

I caused tantrums last week when a certain relative decided they were bringing 3 kids to see me and an elderly and medically vulnerable relative in tier 2 and staying for lunch despite all three kids being in school and nursery and one of the kids having spent time in two separate schools that week. No, they really weren't. We met outside for a coffee instead, and some grumpy looks and sulking was involved. Hey ho.

In their defence actually they argued that they were in a bubble. No, they're not: they're thinking of back when full lockdown first began to ease and you could link up with one other household because no one was going anywhere outside of that one other household (and even then we were meeting outside.) Now the family are all trotting off to work and the kids to school, saying the word 'bubble' doesn't mean it's fine to come for lunch with someone vulnerable and mix indoors. It means elderly relative is linked with my household so they aren't alone, and my household has also been isolating as much as possible to protect him. But then the advice has changed so much and so often that its amazing anyone knows what the hell is going on at this point.

VinylDetective · 16/12/2020 12:32

@Trousersareoverrated

Isn’t this a little late to be cancelling?
No. Christmas Day isn’t tomorrow, it’s more than a week away.
Margerine78 · 16/12/2020 12:36

OP - This has inspired me, I really wanted to spend Xmas on my own this year. Shit year, also just moved house so I'm knackered. I want lay in my pjs, watch crap films, do no cooking. However the whole Covid thing means as we can't all get together as a family so I've been volunteered as the one to spend it with my Dad (who also lives alone). I love my Dad but I know he's be fine on his own, and he's already informed me (not asked) that he wants me to do a huge shop, cook a roast, then sit through a bunch of sentimental films (which I dislike generally), including 'It's A Wonderful Life' which is the last thing I want to watch as a friend of mine killed himself this year.

Feeling railroaded into an Xmas everyone else wants me to have, usually I'd go along with it but this year I'm thinking I need to be selfish for my own sanity!

sneakysnoopysniper · 16/12/2020 12:37

From conversations Ive had with friends and relations in recent years there are many who would love to have cut down drastically on the whole charade of Christmas, and settled for just the nuclear family. However the culture in their wider circle was such that if they had done so unilaterally they would have taken a lot of flack and felt guilty. One of the good things that had come out of covid-19 is the ability to re-assess family and other relationships without having to appear to be a scrooge-meany.

Good for you OP - you have the perfect excuse to put yourself and your immediate family first for once. Whether you choose to burn the bridges forever remains to be seen. Have a small celebration and dont feel guilty.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/12/2020 12:38

YANBU people will walk all over you if you allow it, fuck them if they're upset, they're assholes

bluebeck · 16/12/2020 12:39

Fuck em OP, fuck 'em all!! Xmas Grin

They are telling you loud and clear that them being upset is far more important than you being upset.

Let them be upset, and take care of yourself and your own needs. I hope you have a lovely Christmas Flowers

unmarkedbythat · 16/12/2020 12:40

YANBU.

I am nice. My niceness includes being nice enough not to put the patients I work with, who are detained under the MHA and have no choice as to whether they are here or not, at unnecessary risk by mixing with a variety of households over the Christmas period. My niceness includes being nice enough to think my dc's happiness at Christmas matters more than that of adult relatives and making decisions in light of that.

Too many people think "nice" is shorthand for "lets everyone else walk all over them". Fuck that.

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