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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - I've cancelled Christmas

138 replies

CancelledChristmas · 16/12/2020 09:42

This morning I cancelled our Christmas plans. I won't go into the outing family dynamics of who was invited but I can say that I was railroaded into doing Christmas lunch once again because of other peoples laziness and reluctance to put their hand in their deep pockets.

I've just had enough. I have a bag of shit going on in my life right now and we are neighbouring a hotspot that will soon spread into where I live. No one cares about bringing Covid into my house so now I am putting my foot down and have said NO. The shit will hit the fan and I will be persona non grata but I am overwhelmed at the moment and no one gives a shit about my MH or my nuclear family's Christmas and I have had enough.

Apparently, they are very upset. I am very upset about always carrying the load for everyone else and that I was put in a position of having 5 extra people come over to my house when I only invited 2 of them.

WIBU

OP posts:

applegreenpetrol · 16/12/2020 10:08

Well done. Enjoy your xmas. If anyone complains tell them they are very welcome to host.

Madcats · 16/12/2020 10:09

I too am a people-pleaser. Sometimes you do need to step back and notice that you are the only person likely to notice what demands are being made.

Quickly tot up what you are saving (be this in ££s or hours of work) and set aside a piece of this to treat yourself.

This pandemic has really helped some of us to evaluate what is important for us.

Your "un-guests" have more than a week to sort out their catering. That's plenty of time.

Belladonna12 · 16/12/2020 10:09

Good for you. It appears almost everyone else agrees.

GrumblyMumblyisnotJumbly · 16/12/2020 10:11

YANBU unless your leaving anyone entirely on their own who doesn't want to be.
YANBU on a normal year but this year you are being very sensible. They have time to make other plans and get food in.

Quick zoom on the day so they can see the kids / be thanked for pressies and you can relax.

Alittlelessthanuseless · 16/12/2020 10:11

Well done for putting your foot down!
I’ve done the same. We have 6 children, youngest is 11, eldest is 22. My parents (in their 70s) decided they didn’t want to risk anything as they have been so careful since March, so opted to stay at home on their own. OH parents thought they’d come here for the day and bring OH very elderly, unwell uncle with them also.

Uh...NO. He’s late 70s and has diabetes and heart failure. This is not the place for him to be!

SlothMama · 16/12/2020 10:11

YANBU Maybe having to do it themselves they'll realise how much you have to do

Deathraystare · 16/12/2020 10:12

I just bet they are upset. Lazy gits!!!

I bet you have a more enjoyable time!

cushioncovers · 16/12/2020 10:12

Stay strong op and stick to your guns. If other family members are that upset about it they can take the reins and organise their own Christmas. This is a strange year and we need to make decisions that feel right for us. As you said your relatives are pissed of because they now have to get their finger out their arse and do their own Christmas which they can't be bothered to do.

ArrowsOfMistletoe · 16/12/2020 10:15

YANBU at all, and I bet you'll enjoy it so much it will be the new normal from now on.

And to the poster who suggested consulting your DH if it's his family - that only applies if he does half of the planning, shopping, cooking, dishwashing, table setting and everything else. If he leaves it all to you to host his CF family, he doesn't get a say.

nosswith · 16/12/2020 10:16

You have done the right thing. A quiet Christmas with only 1 or 2 others can be a lovely time and I hope it is for you once the unpleasantness has died down.

Lamentations · 16/12/2020 10:20

Persona no one will fuck with again hopefully . Well done.

likeamillpond · 16/12/2020 10:22

Well done!
You will be known as The Christmas Grinch of the family for a while but I'm sure they'll get over it.

It's not easy putting your foot down over something like this.
Some people have a very immature approach to Christmas. They can't enjoy it unless they're with lots of people
They fail to realise that some of us are capable of enjoying a Christmas with our own immediate family.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/12/2020 10:23

Good for you!
Stuff their upset, they weren't worried about upsetting you, were they!

Have a lovely Christmas

likeamillpond · 16/12/2020 10:24

and i agree with a pp.
A lot of people will be jealous of you..

Piwlyfbicsly · 16/12/2020 10:27

Well done! Everyone needs to know how to stand up for themselves. I’m learning too how to say “no”.

yeOldeTrout · 16/12/2020 10:28

I imagine a lot of Xmas plans being cancelled this week.

Even if Xmas plans are all cancelled I still predict we'll all be in Tier 3 or higher come mid January, though.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 16/12/2020 10:29

@notanothertakeaway

If you cancelled Christmas with agreement of DH, then YANBU

If you took the decision unilaterally, and it's his family you cancelled, then YABU to do it without discussing with him

Depends on who does the work. If the OP is lumbered with most/all of it, she gets cancelling rights.

And I'm not clear that the OP is talking about in-laws anyway. Speaking for myself, I'd take my in-laws over my own mother any day

Dumakey · 16/12/2020 10:32

@notanothertakeaway

If you cancelled Christmas with agreement of DH, then YANBU

If you took the decision unilaterally, and it's his family you cancelled, then YABU to do it without discussing with him

If OP didnt clear it via her husband and it's his family, and he doesnt like it he can always host instead.

In my experience it's generally the women that do all the work!!

Bathroom12345 · 16/12/2020 10:33

There are some lazy lazy people around, who get into a pattern of doing absolutely nothing and then kick off when they actually have to do something themselves.

There is plenty of food (and turkey in the shops!).

I have a friend who every years really makes an effort. All the relatives now expect an invite and bring next to nothing. This year she has had to cut it down and one CF said they are really disappointed landing a huge guilt trip on her.

I told her to blame Boris

Crustmasiscoming · 16/12/2020 10:40

My take on these kinds of situations is that it doesn't matter if you piss off a bunch of people who were causing you so much hassle anyway.

If they all feel snubbed by you and no longer want to impose on you then that's great. Take this as the win that it is

I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas

RedToothBrush · 16/12/2020 10:41

Tell them government minister Robert Jenrick says Easter is the new Christmas and let them get on with it.

LH1987 · 16/12/2020 10:42

The have 9 days to sort their own day, the are fine! Also, I would never go to anyone’s house for Christmas without making a significant contribution I.e. wine, fizz and bring dessert and I always offer to cook. Some people are rude!

Original poster

CancelledChristmas · 16/12/2020 10:43

Some people have a very immature approach to Christmas. They can't enjoy it unless they're with lots of people

OP posts:

ChristmasCookies · 16/12/2020 10:43

Youve done the tight thing

ChristmasCookies · 16/12/2020 10:44

Youve done the RIGHT thing!

Hope you still have a nice day :)

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