.. to ask 18 year old for financial contribution now working?

[Lola528]

DS 18 just got a seasonal job (his first ever!) and will receive his first pay this month. He’s been working a lot (practically FT hours this month) and picking up any extra shifts he can get. He may get kept on as permanent, but that is a wait and see scenario.

We have mentioned when working he will have to pay towards his board/food etc (this was expected of us by our parents “back in the day”) and DH feels it’s an important step towards becoming an independent adult/budgeting/saving etc.

I do agree to an extent, but part of me wants to just let him have his money to himself until he’s finished college etc (currently attends 1 day a week because of COVID, but has 2 other days of virtual lessons and study).

We are struggling a bit right now financially due to changes in our own jobs/salary reduction etc, but I can’t help but feel guilty about the thought of taking his money (prob around 20% though figures have not been discussed - is this fair?) from him. He is a great kid, but not gonna lie, is a bit lazy when it comes to keeping room clean/housework contribution etc.

When times were better financially he more or less got what he asked for, so yes, I’d say yes been fairly spoiled to date, but that is of course down to us, not him. He’s looking at driving lessons/car now, but we aren’t in a position to help with “extras” right now. Is it fairer to say he just covers things like that instead while we continue to cover roof over head, food etc?

In case relevant, we have a second DC who is 14, so this is also laying future expectations for him too.

So:

YANBU - of course he should be paying towards living costs now he’s 18 and earning

YABU - he should get to keep his money until working full time

I'd let him save his money if you can afford it

I worked part time at 6th form from 16 to almost 19 (Sept birthday) and my mum gave me £15 a week to cover college lunches and bus pass to get to work! And our household income was probably about 15k less than your husband's salary.

I lost my job in March and have taken a lower-paid one. It's not the best situation. But I think you should wait until he is out of college.

I find all the comments here about him “needing to learn to pay his own way” pretty ironic, does that same logic not apply to OP? what would they do if their son hadn't managed to get a temp job?

Also, presumably OP still gets child benefit, if not UC/ tax credits also. Paying for their own driving lessons? Fine. Asking them for money from their first wages? No, imho

I'd take 10% no more at this stage

If he was in full time employment and not studying I’d say yes but he’s part time and not even permanent and still studying, so no.

@Crossaintqueen

Also, presumably OP still gets child benefit, if not UC/ tax credits also. Paying for their own driving lessons? Fine. Asking them for money from their first wages? No, imho

Their income is too high for them to even be eligible for child benefit, never mind UC or tax credits.

Thank you. I just read back through the thread and saw OP explaining they don’t have the money for the “extras” they use to enjoy I hope if OP does start charging DS board he is treated like a lodger aka, can come and go as he pleases etc...

@JillofTrades

Exactly Ten. I don't get this mentality of charging your kids the second they turn 18. No wonder those same people charge their parents for things or wouldn't help out their parents later on

I agree with this....and the parents will then wonder why.

DD has worked since she was 16...she's 18 now and in University. I've never asked for any money towards her keep...I see it my parental responsibility, especially as she's still in education.

She saved £2.5k before going off to Uni and is sensible and very savvy.

DD was actually telling me that some friends at her Uni send money to their parents, when they're just on a student loan, because the parents are on very low incomes and struggling.

I did initially think it was selfish that the parents would take this money from their student kids who would be struggling themselves, but I reflected that not everyone was in a comfortable or manageable financial situation and might be desperate.

I'm just glad my DC don't have that burden of sending money home and I think DD realised she was in a good position and is appreciative.

Our 18 year old lives at home and works (post A Levels) - we charge rent (well below 'market rate') and were clear up front about what we would pay for and what we wouldn't. That has helped prevent any arguments and helped them start to understand how to manage their finances

I would personally say while in full time education he doesn't pay as that's what my folks did with me and my siblings.

I agree with PP is great that he's got a temp job while studying, let him keep his money, he'll learn to budget much better if he's saving for his own needs eg driving lessons/a car, the motivation is there and he'll set good much to put aside each month. I wouldn't charge while he's in full time education and his job is part time and seasonal.
Tbh as long as we can afford it I wouldn't charge at all but would expect once working full time he save a decent amount for a house deposit etc and for him to cover his socialising, running his car, mobile bill and so on, which I think teaches a lot more than charging rent and saving it for them.