Argh! Present from DM! AIBU?

[KangaRooMama]

I need some advice as I don’t know how to respond to this and don’t know if I’m overreacting. There is kinda two parts to it.

I got home this afternoon to a amazon parcel delivery from my DM. The parcel was addressed to DS name, my maiden name. This has upset me as this has never been, nor ever will be his name. I feel that this is blatant show of disrespect to me and DH and our marriage. I also feel that this disrespect is solely kept for us as DM would NEVER send a parcel addressed to DNephew, DSIL maiden name as that isn’t their name.

Additionally it actually said on the box what the contents of it was - the puppy toy in the picture. I have overtly said it that I do not like noisy, tacky, plastic toys like this on more than one occasion, but this is just ignored. Last Christmas DS was only about 7 weeks old and DM bought him the robot pictured. I cannot stand it and it hasn’t been played with in a year. This year I was determined to avoid this situation and made DS a fairly extensive Amazon wish list with various things at a range of prices for family to pick from. But again this has been ignored by DM.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people choosing something not from the list for DS, but feel that to choose a gift that is the exact kind of thing I have said I don’t like/want to be very disrespectful. This was on top of the disrespect I’d felt from the address label. So felt like a bit of a double whammy.

For clarity, if you have any of the toys pictured, and your kids enjoy them, that’s great, this is just my own personal choice.

Has she done the name thing before? If not, is it possible it was a mistake?

Honestly, I'd have a quiet word with her about the name thing and I'd give DC the toy to play with. Kids like noisy flashy toys with lots of buttons. If he doesn't like it, take it to a charity shop. But at a year old, you haven't even given him the opportunity to enjoy these toys. We got the beat bo for DS's first birthday and he was almost 2 by the time he showed interest in it. Are they irritating toys for parents? Absolutely! But, just let your child enjoy them and don't be a snob.

They are lovely toys . Unless the name thing is done everytime then it could just be a mistake .

I think you are over reacting .

Ok I get there’s a backstory but it really looks like you’re massively overreacting and trying to pick a fight.

The name thing, so what, just let it go, it’s only a big deal if you make it one. It’s a name she’s been used to calling you all your life anyway.

And the toys are age appropriate. Are you worked up about them because they are specifically from your mum? Would it be different if they were from a friend? I get that you don’t like them but you don’t have to like them as they’re not for you. Unfortunately you’ll discover he’s going to get plenty of toys that are annoying and you hate over the next 10 years. On the plus side if it’s the noise that’s once annoyance with these as with battery operated toys, they can mysteriously “stop working” as sometimes happened in our household when the kids were little.

Calm down and be grateful he’s got a grandmother who cares for him. Unless your ‘backstory’ is seriously terrible, you’re massively overreacting.

@KangaRooMama

That is a bit of a jump to think that every parent that has these toys just leaves their child to play with them all the time with no other input .

I am sure that is not true .

@Unsure33 just for clarity, that absolutely wasn't what I was implying.

I can't believe the drama queens on MN who think the world revolves around them and their wants! Most people have at some stage known people who give presents which are not what was wanted, it's just a fact of life. Grow up - your DM is not being "disrespectful", she is simply buying your DS something she thinks he will like - and he probably will. Whatever your views might be kids love noisy, tacky plastic toys! As for the name on the address label, could it be that she simply forgot for a moment and used the name she is more used to for you? As a pp said, you are coming across as snobby and ungrateful.

I had a Rolf Harris stylaphone for a present and a boy doll complete with a Willie 😂

No doubt I am scarred .

Having studies child development😂😂

Yes op you are a snob😂. It is hereditary.

Entirely up to you what toys your child plays with of course - but you are in for some tough years. I doubt your twelve year old will share your value system.

That comment assumes that parents who give their children electronic toys walk off and dont play with them. How does that track?

I played with my kids. Whatever toy they had. I didn't sling a talking puppy at them and walk off.

Perhaps give her a call "DM thanks for the present but you wrote the wrong name for DS, have you been having issues with your memory recently? Perhaps time to contact the GP about this".

I really couldn't get too excited about the actual presents though. A gift is a gift. Yes, perhaps wooden toys are better for development but the actual impact will be so minuscule compared to having decent interaction with caregivers that it's not worth an argument over.

@Ideasplease322 I find it strange that you think it's amusing to be proud of achievements.

Oh come on OP. If you're going to be snobby about toys own it. Your child can play with the dog and play whatever you deem as more educational. We've had plenty of these toys over the years- it doesn't matter if they don't teach them anything if they're fun to play with.

I’m also a qualified child practitioner/educator. I let my children play with a whole range of toys. I played with them, read with them, talked with them, sang with them and encouraged creativity, curiosity, intellectuality and intelligent thought.

The toy is not going to dumb down your child. It’s what you do the rest of time that counts. My daughter could read before she started school and had one of the best GCSE results in the whole of the UK in her year and is now a highly paid senior professional a couple of years out of uni, and a well-rounded, happy person. I’m quite sure she wouldn’t have done any better had I banned loud plastic toys.

@WhereverIGoddamnLike "sling a talking puppy"
I did clarity above that this wasn't what I was saying.

[quote KangaRooMama]@Ideasplease322 I find it strange that you think it's amusing to be proud of achievements. [/quote]
I suppose it was I the context. You can call a kids toy tacky because you have studied child development.

You accuse your mum of being a snob- but you made that comment to make a point that you are more qualified than most to understand child’s development and toys.

I can see why you are your mum clash

@KangaRooMama go back to the WhatsApp and just say mother the present is from you, do you realise you've incorrectly addressed it to your DGC?

[quote KangaRooMama]@whatkatydid2013 "While a lot of people think it’s snobby to dislike electronic toys there is research that suggests it’s better for your child’s language development to play with more traditional toys with you."
This is my feeling about it, and hence my dislike. Having studied child development and the EYFS, my understanding was that children don't learn language passively like this, they need a adult to give them context to help them understand it. So a child may be able to parrot back the word "green" or "circle" because the bloody puppy says it, but with no understanding of what that word actually means. Having now opened the amazon box, the packaging for the bloody puppy actually says "teaches baby over 100 first words" and it just makes me want to shout "NO IT DOESN'T!" I've known families through my job where the child has delayed speech and the majority had primarily accessed language like this with little parental input.
But if people feels that makes me a snob, then that's fine. [/quote]
Why can't you interact with your child to help their language develop AND let them play with the dog?

[quote KangaRooMama]@whatkatydid2013 "While a lot of people think it’s snobby to dislike electronic toys there is research that suggests it’s better for your child’s language development to play with more traditional toys with you."
This is my feeling about it, and hence my dislike. Having studied child development and the EYFS, my understanding was that children don't learn language passively like this, they need a adult to give them context to help them understand it. So a child may be able to parrot back the word "green" or "circle" because the bloody puppy says it, but with no understanding of what that word actually means. Having now opened the amazon box, the packaging for the bloody puppy actually says "teaches baby over 100 first words" and it just makes me want to shout "NO IT DOESN'T!" I've known families through my job where the child has delayed speech and the majority had primarily accessed language like this with little parental input.
But if people feels that makes me a snob, then that's fine. [/quote]
It's not all or nothing though, is it? Your child can play with the noisy puppy and you can also chat and play with him interactively and encourage his language development. The puppy is very unlikely to negatively impact his development.

I'm sure there are lots of us who would have preferred our children to play with beautiful wooden toys in Instagram-friendly colours, with no noisy plastic, but to some extent the plastic is inevitable. Just buy the classic toys yourself.

You sound really ungreatful. I think you're massively over reacting. You don't like those toys? Don't buy them but not letting him use toys bought for him because they don't fit in with what you want is just mean.

One toy isn't going to fuck up his development ffs.

[quote KangaRooMama]@whatkatydid2013 "While a lot of people think it’s snobby to dislike electronic toys there is research that suggests it’s better for your child’s language development to play with more traditional toys with you."
This is my feeling about it, and hence my dislike. Having studied child development and the EYFS, my understanding was that children don't learn language passively like this, they need a adult to give them context to help them understand it. So a child may be able to parrot back the word "green" or "circle" because the bloody puppy says it, but with no understanding of what that word actually means. Having now opened the amazon box, the packaging for the bloody puppy actually says "teaches baby over 100 first words" and it just makes me want to shout "NO IT DOESN'T!" I've known families through my job where the child has delayed speech and the majority had primarily accessed language like this with little parental input.
But if people feels that makes me a snob, then that's fine. [/quote]
My twins have speech delay and didn't have many electronic toys at all. Only 1 I think, a pull along dog with alphabet buttons. Meanwhile lots of their peers I know have much better speech and had lots of electronic toys.

And to insinuate that parents who provide electronic toys provide less parental input is just totally wrong and insulting for people im sure.

It's a little ironic you saying your mum is snobby OP.

Kids can have the talking, noisy toys and the parental engagement. It really isn't an either or situation?

My son has the toy on the right, he loves it. You press the paws and it plays a tune, sings etc. You sound like an absolute misery guts. Just looking for issues. If you didnt want loud plastic things in the house, you shouldn't have had a child. You obviously put yourself before your child. Your poor mum can't do wrong for doing right can she. Instead of thinking 'how lovely to send a gift, how kind', you think 'this doesn't suit what I want my son to play with. It isn't wooden. It isn't aesthetically pleasing to me. I choose to be offended'

Sorry OP, bang out of order.

I love how everyone has jumped on the wooden toys bandwagon when I haven't once said that was the case.

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

That comment assumes that parents who give their children electronic toys walk off and dont play with them. How does that track?

I played with my kids. Whatever toy they had. I didn't sling a talking puppy at them and walk off.

Exactly..the OP sounds so accusatory and so judgemental. Let's see how she feels when she has 2 kids....