To not want his stupid Christmas dinner

[Whattimeisdinner]

My BIL cooks Christmas dinner every year without fail. Sounds great but he cooks Christmas dinner and summer BBQs & NEVER cooks at any other time for his family.

He is very upset that we won’t be joining them on Christmas Day this year but AIBU to feel relieved?

I really won’t miss him strutting around in his Santa apron swigging mulled wine this year.
I also won’t have to endure him carving the turkey at the head of the table like he’s some sort of God.
Does anyone else have a DH who does this or is is just my poor sister?

How mean spirited/ unreasonable am I on a scale of 1-10?
(10 being Very unreasonable/mean spirited.)

Does she just eye roll because she finds him a bit embarrassing? If your DSis doesn't like it that he hardly ever cooks then she could sort it out with him. If she hasn't then, presumably, it doesn't bother her that much.

YANBU for being relieved to not be going this year. YABU for going normally if you can't stand him and don't want to go.

@Whattimeisdinner

Why do you keep going there for Christmas dinner if you dislike him that much?

Big family Christmas dinners are hard to avoid here! Except for this year! 👍🏻

Well... new Normal, new routine...

“We’re staying home for Christmas this year, prefer to make it a smaller do than we’ve done before”

You don’t have to do this! Meet on Boxing Day for leftovers or something

Curious why you’d name change OP
Multiple posts about hating your brother in law perhaps?!

Hellothere
Curious you should come to that conclusion after finding no history linked to my username...Do you always look people up?

I name-change any time I post something that might identify me IRL & I never posted about my DBIL no.

Should say...‘I’ve never posted about my DBIL before’

Yup @theleafandnotthetree, my ex husband was one of those. Host with the most clearing up during dinner parties which fooled everyone into thinking what a helpful, supportive husband he was. Never witnessed him doing any other form of cleaning for twenty years. Also expected an Oscar for the rare basic meal he cooked in private.

Definitely a 1 from me.

It's not the fact he only does it once a year, it's the performance aspect that would really get me, and the touting for praise. Yes, it's a larger/more varied meal than usual but when my DF took over from my DM when she fell ill, he didn't make a song & dance about it & neither did I once I'd taken over from him.

My DH cooks Christmas dinner perfectly each year & I'm banned from the kitchen while he does it BUT he doesn't glory in it AND we share the cooking all year.

Ladies, form an orderly queue when I kick the bucket...

Down with glory cooks!

Up with glory cocks

I haven't read the whole thread, but in fairness, the head of the table is the easiest place to stand and carve the turkey, because you've got more elbow room there. But it is possible to carve the joint without it being a huge 'Look at me, aren't I amazing' production.

I have a horrible feeling I am a bit of a Glory Cook. I've had a tough year with my mental and physical health, and as dh has been wfh since March, he's been doing a lot of the cooking - but I will be doing the cooking over Christmas whilst the dses and ds1's fiancee are here. I like it when people tell me I've cooked something nice.

New Year's Resolution, 2021 - do better, SDTG!!

My cousin another glory cook the mess after was dreadful thing he is was a chef but a cocky nasty piece of work.

10: I say this because you are actually lucky to have someone to cook dinner for you op! My family are unable to and selfish and I've cooked Christmas dinner since I was a teenager! I now have children of my own and of course cook it for mg family and any guests now. Just be grateful to get cooked for!

@pikachubaby yes up with the glory cock x

@Bluntness100

Well it’s not really about uou. It’s about your sister. You clearly dislike him intently and not just due to his cooking habits.

Yeah! That.

A very odd post from the op, there's nothing wrong with the man cooking Christmas dinner.

@Whattimeisdinner

6.5. I think you are being quite unreasonable. And as a few posters have said, you sound like you really don't like him.

Or maybe you're a bit bitter that your DH doesn't do the Christmas dinner?

Don't like glory seekers, so YANBU if he is one of them, but you do seem to intensely dislike him. Must be hard for your sister, knowing you hate her choice of man.

Provided his food tasted nice I would not care and leave it to his wife to sort him out. She might not mind.

Hellothere

You don’t half like to make things up ...

Is your sisters eye rolling the extent of how she conveys being pissed of?
No.

Presumably you’re close to her if spend Christmas Day with her.
Yes.

And she’s never actually said anything to you?
She has.

And you’ve never raised with her?
I have.

pikachub 😂

Does she just eye roll because she finds him a bit embarrassing? If your DSis doesn't like it that he hardly ever cooks then she could sort it out with him. If she hasn't then, presumably, it doesn't bother her that much.

She finds it funny!
She goes along with it, thanks him profusely and lets him take all the glory. He knows she is taking the piss but carries on regardless.
I’m actually starting to wish we were going.

In similar vein, I am reminded of this:

BBQ RULES

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events is put in motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three-metre exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

He'd be at home in the cabinet then. Men have all the posts where there can be credit or glory, women the ones where not (no-one likes the Home Secretary, the Work and Pensions Secretary, the Attorney General for example, whoever they are).

THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

The meat is either burnt or raw or burnt on the outside raw inside.

@ProfessionalWeirdo

In similar vein, I am reminded of this:

BBQ RULES

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events is put in motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three-metre exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

In fairness, I know several men who tend to do pizza and BBQ and maybe a glory cook. They don't do this...

...and they aren't necessarily the most 'progressive' of men out there.

@BigFatLiar

THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

The meat is either burnt or raw or burnt on the outside raw inside.

You know the wrong men!

I can see how this would be very annoying.
I almost wish DH would do this so I didn't have to cook on Christmas day (since I have cooked literally EVERY night but 2 since March). Even if he offered to cook he would just end up asking me to help since it's such a big job and we should make it a 'team' effort.

YANBU OP.

He could do nothing 🤷🏼‍♀️
I dunno, I think 5/10
At least he's not sat around getting drunk, forcing your sister to do all the work.
But yea it sounds a bit annoying.