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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want his stupid Christmas dinner

147 replies

Whattimeisdinner · 15/12/2020 08:10

My BIL cooks Christmas dinner every year without fail. Sounds great but he cooks Christmas dinner and summer BBQs & NEVER cooks at any other time for his family.

He is very upset that we won’t be joining them on Christmas Day this year but AIBU to feel relieved?

I really won’t miss him strutting around in his Santa apron swigging mulled wine this year.
I also won’t have to endure him carving the turkey at the head of the table like he’s some sort of God.
Does anyone else have a DH who does this or is is just my poor sister?

How mean spirited/ unreasonable am I on a scale of 1-10?
(10 being Very unreasonable/mean spirited.)

OP posts:
diddl · 15/12/2020 09:01

If he really cooks it all & it's good-what's the problem?

If your sister is happy/OK that he doesn't cook for the rest of the year then that's up to her!

knittingaddict · 15/12/2020 09:02

@SillyLittleBiscuit

His crimes appear to be carving turkey, having a drunk and wearing an apron.
Really, that's what you took from that post?
Original poster
Whattimeisdinner · 15/12/2020 09:03

His crimes appear to be carving turkey, having a drunk and wearing an apron.

You forgot never cooking a thing for his family other than on Christmas Day or when he is ‘hosting’ a BBQ.

OP posts:
OhDearMuriel · 15/12/2020 09:03

10
You're very ungrateful - lot's of families don't make an effort at all.

KatnissNeverseen · 15/12/2020 09:04

I think a lot of men don't cook all year and then decide they will cook Christmas dinner. My husband helps with preparation etc. but I would not trust him to cook it all on his own.
Why do you keep going there for Christmas dinner if you dislike him that much?

Original poster
Whattimeisdinner · 15/12/2020 09:04

If your sister is happy/OK that he doesn't cook for the rest of the year then that's up to her!

I think her eye-rolling (see upthread) tells me all I need to know!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattimeisdinner · 15/12/2020 09:05

Why do you keep going there for Christmas dinner if you dislike him that much?

Big family Christmas dinners are hard to avoid here! Except for this year! 👍🏻

OP posts:
wildraisins · 15/12/2020 09:08

Sounds like you intensely dislike your BIL! Enjoy your break this year. Some people are definitely enjoying having a quiet one, nothing wrong with that.

theleafandnotthetree · 15/12/2020 09:11

My ex was a performative cleaner, he specialised in having a hoover, brush, steam-cleaner (yes really) in his hands at the moment people would arrive for lunch, dinner etc. Items he was normally fairly unfamiliar with and with me having done all shopping, cooking, tidying and 90% of cleaning. Grinds my gears just thinking about it.

YoniAndGuy · 15/12/2020 09:14

Get a personalised Christmas apron for BIL with 'Christmas Glory Cook' on it for his present :)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/12/2020 09:15

I get it. But I think you're half unreasonable, because at least he does Christmas dinner, which is a PITA really.

However the strutting would be fucking irritating, so I do totally get it.

My DH cooks Christmas dinner, but he also cooks about 40% of the time the rest of the year as well, and mostly he does the roasts at the weekend. He also doesn't strut - apart from saying (as his form of a "joke") "now that's how you cook a roast dinner!" I roll my eyes too but I wouldn't challenge it in case he made me do it. I can but I infinitely prefer not to.
Also, him cooking Christmas dinner is his ONLY contribution towards the Christmas effort, I do everything else.

Should also point out that I REALLY don't want to cook Christmas dinner, because we're in Australia and it's often too fecking hot!

KatherineJaneway · 15/12/2020 09:17

His crimes appear to be carving turkey, having a drunk and wearing an apron.

It's the whole theater these type of men bring to it. Performance cooking instead of performance parenting.

FrenchBoule · 15/12/2020 09:19

1 OP :)

Enjoy your Christmas

BTW,anybody else read “glory cock” or is that my reading not being too sharp? (Just finished nightshift)

diddl · 15/12/2020 09:21

@Whattimeisdinner

If your sister is happy/OK that he doesn't cook for the rest of the year then that's up to her!

I think her eye-rolling (see upthread) tells me all I need to know!

More fool her then.
speakout · 15/12/2020 09:28

It's only a snapshot of a life, you can't see the whole picture.

My OH rarely cooks, never been known to use the washing machine, yet we have a fair system of load sharing in our home.
My in laws come over twice a year, OH puts on a lavish spread, and takes all the praise for a wonderful meal.

Works fine for us.

Dave35 · 15/12/2020 09:29

@FrenchBoule I also read that at first Grin x

Toilenstripes · 15/12/2020 09:29

Oh dear, I read that as “glory cock” 😬

ememem84 · 15/12/2020 09:29

im somewhere in the middle. is he a good cook? if so can you just overlook the theatrics?

i am going to applaud dm this year though when she cooks turkey. because she is amazing.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 15/12/2020 09:31

@FrenchBoule

1 OP :)

Enjoy your Christmas

BTW,anybody else read “glory cock” or is that my reading not being too sharp? (Just finished nightshift)

Not just you... I read it as that too Grin Need more sleep.
Zilla1 · 15/12/2020 09:31

Glory cook and Saturday cook are both too positive with somewhat of a halo. Biannual will be technically accurate but performance cook perhaps??

Fairyliz · 15/12/2020 09:36

It depends. I have a bil who does this, but he is self employed and generally works 60 hours a week whilst sil works two days a week in an office.
Kids are grown up so I think it’s only fair she does the day to day cooking. It also means that on special occasions she can be drinking and chatting with guests rather than cooking.
I think he deserves some credit as he is actually a good cook.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 15/12/2020 09:41

A glory cook isn't someone who only cooks rarely but is a decent partner and does other things. Dp could fall into that category. He's just not overly interested in food (he regularly doesn't eat properly while he is away working because he forgets...thank God his office manager has clocked onto this put meals on his hotel allowance and reminds him when she speaks to him.....I gave up long ago and told him I wasn't letting the NHS treat him for rickets if he couldn't remember to eat enough Xmas Grin). He will cook for me but doesn't make a fuss about it.

Exdh cooked three times for me. Twice was macaroni and cheese that somehow became his speciality dish Hmm and he spent three hours , 596827 dishes and expected a heap ton of praise, told everyone for 6 months he cooked for me. It was also bloody awful how the hell do you screw up mac and cheese ?.

Sadly I was newly married and a bit too encouraging and enthusiastic about a meal that would make bernard Matthew's cry let alone Gordon Ramsay.

I got it a year later.

Then there was the roast chicken....once ...that he still talks about. I should have contacted the RSPCA for the brutalities inflicted on that poor tescos chicken.

If you listen to exdh though he was a caring husband for cooking for me.

3 times
15 years

Yeah YANBU op , glory cooks are pains in the arse.

Purplewithred · 15/12/2020 09:45

I was married to a Glory Cook. Ladies, I left him.

Zilla1 · 15/12/2020 09:46

Pantomime cook, cooking which is a tired joke once a year at Christmas?

SoupDragon · 15/12/2020 09:57

TBH, if someone else cooked Christmas dinner for me I wouldn't give a stuff how they paraded about! I hate cooking.