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Original poster

Is anyone taking lockdown seriously anymore?

152 replies

JKDcot · 13/12/2020 19:31

My mother is meant to come over for Christmas but my aunt has just let slip that she has been away this weekend staying with some friends. This is against the rules as she’s not meant to mixing households - like everyone.

My husband and I are following the rules strictly and restricting our lives massively. We have a new baby and I am now extremely pissed off she would be so selfish and irresponsible and put us at risk.

Am I being mean to say she’s uninvited now for Christmas? She always says she’s being careful and following the rules and I constantly hear from family members it’s all lies. She isn’t in the vulnerable category and is just bored I think and wants company. But so do we all, and it’s just not fair.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Duggeehugs82 · 14/12/2020 10:22

If she was to pass on covid to her daughter and baby, would u have said it was ridiculous then? We r not mind readers we do not know where the virus is. It would only be ridiculous if she doesnt have virus.

ThornAmongstRoses · 14/12/2020 10:47

We’re in Tier 3. It feels just like lockdown🤔. Shops and schools open, but that’s the only difference. No household mixing. How is this not lockdown?

Because schools and shops are open.

What happened late Spring and into the Summer was lockdown, what’s happening now is nothing like it.

I’m in Tier 3 and the outside world looks no different to how it looked this time 12 months ago.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/12/2020 11:11

But previous Tier 3 only had essential shops open. So the only difference was schools. That was less than 2 weeks ago.

Nowhere to go
No hospitality
Essential shops only
No household mixing

What’s the difference?

Womencanlift · 14/12/2020 11:11

Well @ThornAmongstRoses your outside world must be very different to mine. As this time last year I had Christmas markets to go to, after work drinks, Christmas parties, theatre trips, holidays planned for upcoming months.

This year, yet another day wfh wondering what flavour of soup to have for my lunch today.

On the whole I am fine with the rules and have enjoyed some parts of lockdown but for a lot of people the world is very different to 12 months ago

ThornAmongstRoses · 14/12/2020 11:22

Well @ThornAmongstRoses your outside world must be very different to mine.

I just meant that when I go for a walk nothing seems different - people everywhere, town centres open, cars and buses everywhere, school kids everywhere, supermarkets full, parents gathered in their 100’s at the school gate, most workplaces open etc

Yes, there may not be Christmas markets and Christmas parties and restaurants open - but from my perspective, that’s about the only thing that seems different to me.

In terms of people being able to socialise, o there are restrictions on meeting indoors, but otherwise I don’t feel like anything has changed. Certainly not enough to make any difference anyway.

So much of society is still open that it certainly can’t be classed as a Lockdown.

Stripesnomore · 14/12/2020 11:31

We are not in lockdown. I am in the vulnerable group, but I still have to go to work everyday on crowded buses and interact with huge numbers of customers at work in a tier 3 area.

People working from home are maybe getting a skewed impression of the level of isolation.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/12/2020 12:13

Aaaah, you mean lockdown in terms of behaviour. Yeah, l totally agree. Primark rammed 24 hours a day is ridiculous.

StepintoChristmas29 · 14/12/2020 12:15

YANBU. I’m having a not so different dilemma - but mines with the in laws. One trotting into a tier 3 area to stay with friends just for a jolly!

GabriellaMontez · 14/12/2020 12:20

@geekone

She’s your mum, if she dropped down dead next year you’d be pretty fucking angry at yourself for banning her over Xmas.

This ☝🏻, get a bloody grip op.

What they said. Get a grip.
Myunhappyfeet · 14/12/2020 12:40

I don't think many people are following the restrictions and that is inevitably going to have consequences. I don't think you're being unreasonable not to want her to come but I think previous advice was good in terms of preserving your relationship - I would not make this about her breaking restrictions, but about you being concerned about rise in cases and listening to the advice to carefully consider Xmas plans and have decided you don't want to put her or your baby at extra risk by mixing households. If she can't support that decision then I think that tells you everything you need to know about your relationship.

User158340 · 14/12/2020 12:56

@Womencanlift

As a single person who has been alone since March I wouldn’t accept that she is single as an excuse if she was my mum.

Surprised about all these blasé comments saying oh no we stopped following rules ages ago. Everyone I know (family, friends and people I speak to at work) has followed every lockdown/tier restrictions. Yes it’s been hard, jobs have been lost in the family but everyone is still with us which for me is worth having a quieter life for a year

It is strange. You get posts saying "nobody I know is following the rules anymore" but plenty of others saying they are and all my family and friends pretty much are following the rules, or at the very least being very careful.

I don't know what circles some people are mixing in to be honest.

Vargas · 14/12/2020 13:00

@CinnabarRed

I don’t mean this is a snarky way, but I honestly don’t think that people in relationships can possibly understand how hard lockdown/isolation is for people who are single. In much the same way that you just can’t explain what it’s like to have children to those who don’t have them.

The anxiety and sense of responsibility for running the whole household in very stressful circumstances (in my case for three children) with no help at all is crushing.

I’ve stuck to the rules, because of the kids. It’s been so, so hard. I can’t bring myself to criticise any single person who hasn’t.

I completely agree with this. It's very easy for me to say I am following the rules, but I live in a household of 5 with no young children. We have a garden and plenty of space in the house. We just cosy up and read and watch films and play games, no biggie.

For single parents with small children, single people, elderly or ill people this must be a nightmare, so no judgement from me if you break the rules occasionally for the sake of your sanity.

LilMidge01 · 14/12/2020 15:28

Can you strike a balance and suggest that for the sake of the baby (put emphasis there so she knows its not you just being pedantic for the hell of it and also putting some of the responsibility back on her), she now isolates up until coming up to see you on Christmas? (if she saw them last weekend, that's just about enough time for the virus incubation period)
If she agrees but then you find out shes broken it then I think you have a right to get angry as she's specifically agreed to your request even if she personalyl doesnt think it's necessary and that's a severe lack of respect. If you hadn't sepcifically discussed isolation beforehand I dont think you can get too mad at her at the moment if the lines haven't been clearly drawn and discussed. But now is the time to discuss it

Nottherealslimshady · 14/12/2020 15:38

We're isolating before seeing PILs who are also isolating. We wont risk their health, they wont risk our babys. His aunt will be alone, which we are devastated about but she's been everywhere with everyone and we dont feel safe inside with her so we couldt invite her. I'm not seeing my nieces. Seeing parents socially distance outside.

Our baby is due in late spring. I wont be doing anything to aid the spread of this virus or keep us in lockdown any longer.

TheTinsellyLovelinessOfDemons · 14/12/2020 15:44

My DS1 is shielding and his hospital has instructed him not to leave the house since March. As he's terminally ill and near the end, I may never see him again because of selfish cunts breaking the rules.

JillofTrades · 14/12/2020 15:55

Yanbu. We are taking it very seriously. If people personally don't care for their health then that's their own problem..
But each individual has responsibility for themselves. You have a tiny baby and that's your priority. Your mother didn't care about that did she? She was not going to tell you and pitch up and possibly put you all at risk.

FortunesFavour · 14/12/2020 16:08

Yes it would be hugely mean to uninvite her. But it seems you want to punish her so I expect you’ll withdraw the invitation anyway. She’s at more risk than you, husband and baby are.

Littlecaf · 14/12/2020 16:11

My friends parents tested positive last week. One is now in ICU. My first thought was “how did they manage to catch it, they’ve no kids in school, aren’t doing any ad hoc childcare, are retired, nothing is open that they could catch it at/from.....turns out they’ve been having weekly neighbour drinks, the Rotary club and the Lodge over......honestly, words fail me.

PizzaForOne · 14/12/2020 16:14

Literally everybody I know is breaking the rules in some way or the other. The most common thing is that everyone seems to be visiting or are being visited by multiple friends or family - so mixing households indoors and definitely not covered by bubble rules which could only apply to 1 other household.

I will visit my mum later this week for her 50th to drop off a present (although technically I haven't visited anybody else in weeks so I could claim support bubble - although we aren't/haven't been officially).

What's good for goose is good for gander. Cummings etc. No point following the rules.

Wear masks when needed in shops etc, don't be having big parties/raves, work from home/follow rules at the workplace. You are already doing plenty to reduce/mitigate risks.

WhyNotMeThough · 14/12/2020 16:19

I've stuck to the rules, but I'm going to break them.

My children are grown, the travel ban prohibits travel out of my area so I can't even see them outdoors so I haven't seen them, and yet I'm surrounded by others with regular visitors.

All the exceptions. Grandparents, usually both, doing "childcare" when many, not all, are simply visiting. Also neighbours who don't watch the news so are oblivious to the restrictions and doing what they like.

I've had covid, I'm still getting over it. I feel really unwell still and very low.

I really just want to see my kids. So I'm going to.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/12/2020 16:20

‘Literally everybody I know is breaking the rules in some way or the other.’

Literally everybody l know is sticking to them.

Stripesnomore · 14/12/2020 16:35

Anyone who has been in a shop knows the vast majority of people are not actually following the distancing rules.

PizzaForOne · 14/12/2020 16:37

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

‘Literally everybody I know is breaking the rules in some way or the other.’

Literally everybody l know is sticking to them.

Interesting. Rough age range and location?

East mids, generally 20s/30s socially and 30s/40s at work here. Some parents, some no children.

All of them visiting others houses, having others visit them or eating out with other households (although restaurants shouldn't be allowing household mixing - don't know if/how they are trying to check this - haven't been to a restaurant myself since eat out to help out days when mixing was fine)

TheSunIsStillShining · 14/12/2020 16:41

My parents are in another country. They volunteered to self isolate then fly to us for xmas. And were really surprise when we said pls. don't.
Over the summer we wanted to visit and asked them to isolate for 2 weeks. In their lakeside house with huge garden.
A few days before actually heading off on a 20 hr drive they let it slip that they had to go to a funeral, and than the wake (it would have been rude not to!), and popped into about 5 shops if they were in that city.

We didn't go and they were pissed because they did stay home for 8 days and 3 more. What's the problem?

So, I would easily disinvite your Aunt.

JillofTrades · 14/12/2020 16:42

I've had covid, I'm still getting over it. I feel really unwell still and very low.

You feel very unwell and still going to visit your kids?