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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is anyone taking lockdown seriously anymore?

152 replies

JKDcot · 13/12/2020 19:31

My mother is meant to come over for Christmas but my aunt has just let slip that she has been away this weekend staying with some friends. This is against the rules as she’s not meant to mixing households - like everyone.

My husband and I are following the rules strictly and restricting our lives massively. We have a new baby and I am now extremely pissed off she would be so selfish and irresponsible and put us at risk.

Am I being mean to say she’s uninvited now for Christmas? She always says she’s being careful and following the rules and I constantly hear from family members it’s all lies. She isn’t in the vulnerable category and is just bored I think and wants company. But so do we all, and it’s just not fair.

What should I do?

OP posts:
OffredOfjune · 13/12/2020 22:30

This reply has been deleted

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UnseenDoreen · 13/12/2020 22:31

@Callipygion

I’m totally confused with the zones and ‘Christmas amnesty’. My two children are coming back for Christmas (one’s working and one’s at uni) I haven’t worked out if we are ok or breaking regs. Can the uni one come before 23rd and how long can they stay? Do they both have to leave on 27th? 😫🥴
I wouldn't bother worrying. Just do whatever you want. Not worth the aggro is it?
StardewMelons · 13/12/2020 22:36

Probably going to get backlash for this comment but.... Considering kids are mixing daily in school in their hundreds (between lessons whipping a grubby mask out their bags to walk to next class) and not SD at breaks and dinner....Multiple times a week since lockdown first ever began BLM , save the children, anti lockdown protests in their 1000's have happened. Knowing that not a single real life person I know actually abides by the rules, I find it hard to stress that a family member has had company for a weekend...

Bluntness100 · 13/12/2020 22:39

Gosh that’s your mother.

Just uninvite her if that’s how you feel. Hmm

Bluntness100 · 13/12/2020 22:41

@Mustbe3ormorecharacters

I would have a serious conversation with her and say if she isolates and doesn’t show any signs she can come but if she shows signs or breaks rules she’s not allowed to come.
Allowed to come? Allowed? It’s her mother! It’s not a small child or the family dog.
Mistymountain · 13/12/2020 22:42

Why do you think you and your baby are vulnerable? I would have thought your mum was the most at risk person, the baby the least.

Dovesandkisses · 13/12/2020 22:45

YANBU and I would uninvite too. You have a baby. That's your priority. She isn't being careful if she is mixing.

Conkergame · 13/12/2020 22:45

She’s your mum and none of you are vulnerable. There has not been shown to be any heightened risk for babies. YANBU to be annoyed at her and think she’s out of order but YWBVVVU to uninvite her for Christmas!

Bluntness100 · 13/12/2020 22:46

What’s interesting about this is you don’t write “I was so looking forward to having my mum for Xmas but I’m so worried about Covid, she was with friends at the weekend, I think I need to uninvite her”

You write it like you want to punish her. That’s why you want to uninvite her, you want to do it out of spite

5zeds · 13/12/2020 22:46

We’re following the rules. Anyone who isn’t is childish and irresponsible. Actions have consequences.

Ugzbugz · 13/12/2020 22:50

No I’m not because I have to do this thing everyday called a job! And rely on various people for childcare.

These rules are pathetic, I can have a team of builders In my house but not have my sibling in for a tea

Strawberrypancakes · 13/12/2020 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amicissimma · 13/12/2020 22:52

It looks as if there's a division on here:

Some people think following the rules is more important than relationships with family members. (Some chose to call those who don't names).

Some people think their relationship with a loved one is worth a risk that is probably small, even if that means turning a blind eye to a rule break by that person.

Which are you? Which path will you feel happiest to look back on in a few years time?

StardewMelons · 13/12/2020 22:57

@Bluntness100 Thats the way I read it too. The "its not fair" comment especially.

CatholicKidston · 13/12/2020 23:01

[quote JKDcot]@Bourbonbiccy exactly. I went to hospital appointments alone, my husband couldn’t stay with me in hospital with our newborn. I haven’t had any help or support looking after the baby. To then waste all of that and jeopardise our health cause my mother got a bit bored and had a house party.[/quote]
'A bit bored' - how do you know she was a bit bored and not really frigging lonely given that you haven't actually talked to her about it?
Ever stopped to think why didn't she tell you the truth? Ever consider that she hasn't told you where she was because she knew you'd massively overreact and ban her from seeing her family at Christmas just to be spiteful?

Buddytheelf85 · 13/12/2020 23:51

No I wouldn’t uninvite my mum for Christmas because she mixed with some friends two weeks beforehand, unless I was looking for a reason to uninvite her. I would probably be annoyed with her for rule-breaking (if she did break the rules - could she be part of a support bubble with them?) and very annoyed with her for lying (if she actually lied).

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2020 06:24

[quote JKDcot]@Bourbonbiccy that is exactly my issue. I hate liars. It is not fair to pretend to be at home and then I find out she’s been staying the weekend with friends somewhere. It’s just stupid to risk it. The country is not in lockdown but it’s been clearly stated not to mix households.

I am fed up with some people following rules and others total disregard[/quote]
So you want to punish her for rule breaking. And your punishment is she can no longer come from Xmas. Even though by fhen she’d be well over the incubation period, and past the amount of time she needed to isolate so no risk to you because of her social event?

Were you always like this, or has Covid turned you into this person? I think I’d be looking at my own behaviour here.

wanderings · 14/12/2020 06:30

There's a special place for the endless supply of threads like this: the Coronavirus quarantine area. YABU to post this outside there.

user1497787065 · 14/12/2020 06:43

I am sticking to the rules rigidly but neighbours are most certainly not. I haven't had anyone visit my home for months.

Crazythursday · 14/12/2020 06:50

Op you are allowed to make your own risk assessments, and decide on whatever criteria you like whether people can step foot inside your house. Covid or not. Mother or not. Baby or not.

I don’t think your DM has been that unreasonable visiting friends if she’s been careful at other times. This is really tough on those who live alone.

However, I do think she has been unreasonable not to mention it to you. It does have a sniff of sneakiness about it and that’s what would’ve bothered me.

I think you need to talk to her. You still have 11 days so if she’s careful between now and Xmas Day, then all should be alright.

If you don’t trust her, then it’s a whole different thread...

User158340 · 14/12/2020 06:59

@StillWeRise

Yes we are taking it seriously and the people I know are too. Why wouldn't you? Just because you've got bored, doesn't make it any less serious or easy to catch. People in this country/at this time are so spoilt. Yes it's hard but so is dying in ICU. We have all the advantages of being able to shop online and socialise online, yet still people are prepared to endanger themselves, their families and the wider community for the sake of a christmas dinner. Our parents/grandparents generation were made of sterner stuff.
Fuck them. If they think the rules don't apply to them I've got no sympathy for them if they catch it.
tinytemper66 · 14/12/2020 07:03

My son is in the forces and lives away for most of the year. He will be coming home for nearly 3 weeks, coming from a Tier 2 area. We will have lunch with my mum (her popping up) and we will care and see a vulnerable adult in our family.
I work in a school and we have no pupils in from today so will feel better for that.
Was your mum staying over or just for the day? Perhaps she could come for lunch and then you can limit the time she spends (if you are that concerned)

Lemonsyellow · 14/12/2020 07:36

We are not seeing my elderly mum. But that is to protect her, not us. She also lives 250 miles away and there are no trains on Christmas Day.

movingonup20 · 14/12/2020 07:40

I was but I'm seeing around me people not following them and we are banned from the pub etc despite have a rate 1/3 of London - so we have had our daughters to stay (students but technically resident with other parent) i don't see why I shouldn't see my daughter whose 20 when celebs hold parties!

WeAllHaveWings · 14/12/2020 07:40

We are still taking it seriously, and will do until vaccinated (assuming they work!). IME 80% of my family and friends are still taking seriously.

We have been told, time and time again, household mixing is a significant risk, I would not be inviting anyone into my home who was breaking household mixing rules. Your mum is an adult and can make her own decision if she wants to break the rules or spend Xmas with you. There will be thousands of families who will impacted by breaking and relaxing of the rules this Christmas.

IF you can trust her to follow the rules from today I would still invite her. The problem you have is of you can believe her.