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Original poster

Is anyone taking lockdown seriously anymore?

152 replies

JKDcot · 13/12/2020 19:31

My mother is meant to come over for Christmas but my aunt has just let slip that she has been away this weekend staying with some friends. This is against the rules as she’s not meant to mixing households - like everyone.

My husband and I are following the rules strictly and restricting our lives massively. We have a new baby and I am now extremely pissed off she would be so selfish and irresponsible and put us at risk.

Am I being mean to say she’s uninvited now for Christmas? She always says she’s being careful and following the rules and I constantly hear from family members it’s all lies. She isn’t in the vulnerable category and is just bored I think and wants company. But so do we all, and it’s just not fair.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 14/12/2020 07:40

Sticking to the rules here too.

movingonup20 · 14/12/2020 07:42

@Calmandmeasured1

Sure feels like it with the restaurants, pubs and cafes closed, can't even go to my gym class. Rate in my town is 52 per 100k so very pissed off

Womencanlift · 14/12/2020 07:50

As a single person who has been alone since March I wouldn’t accept that she is single as an excuse if she was my mum.

Surprised about all these blasé comments saying oh no we stopped following rules ages ago. Everyone I know (family, friends and people I speak to at work) has followed every lockdown/tier restrictions. Yes it’s been hard, jobs have been lost in the family but everyone is still with us which for me is worth having a quieter life for a year

Fairyliz · 14/12/2020 08:02

Presumably if you have just had a baby you are under 50?
You do know you won’t be getting the vaccine, are you going to stay locked away until you reach 50?
Surely the one at risk here is your mum, she’s an adult let her make her own decisions.

MrsExpo · 14/12/2020 08:06

We are due to DH having an underlying health condition, but clearly a lot of people aren’t because cases are starting to go back up in our area after a period where they were going down nicely. Very frustrating!!!

Like everyone else on here, I’d love to meet up with friends and family we haven’t seen in ages, but we’re trying to do our bit.

nosswith · 14/12/2020 08:24

Withdraw the invitation for Christmas.

As for the original point, there are too many who are not, perhaps on the grounds of it not being a serious issue for them if they had Covid 19 given their age. There are of course those who never took it seriously in the first place, such as Mr Johnson, who then was very ill.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 14/12/2020 08:27

@5zeds

We’re following the rules. Anyone who isn’t is childish and irresponsible. Actions have consequences.
I shall be mixing with others (my sister and her adult DC) where we shall be raising a glass to our parents who both died this year 7 months apart during both lockdowns. How childish and irresponsible of us to want to be together to grieve eh?
houseinthesnow · 14/12/2020 08:36

I would normally say that would be unreasonable your mother is lonely and needs company, but with a new baby there is absolutely no way I would risk it. No way.

I would be honest with her, and say you are cancelling christmas full stop - and would not mention her law breaking adventures, simply say you are too worried to have anyone for christmas and can she please organise to spend christmas with your aunt. I don't think you can risk it op.

houseinthesnow · 14/12/2020 08:39

We are all adhering to the rules here, and most people are as far as I can tell. We are not seeing anyone inside at all, regardless of the relaxation. Keeping our family safe is our only priority this christmas.

RaspberryCoulis · 14/12/2020 08:45

[quote GirlCalledJames]@tootiredtospeak they have a new baby, so one ofthem is vulnerable[/quote]
Untrue. Babies are the least vulnerable out there.

It's like fucking groundhog day on here with phrases like "proper lockdown" and "flouting the rules".

You know what OP, literally no-one cares whether you see your mum or not. The whole reason you started the thread was to show how good and compliant you have been and how naughty and selfish your mother has been. Your medal's in the post. Well done you.

houseinthesnow · 14/12/2020 08:51

literally no-one cares whether you see your mum or not. The whole reason you started the thread was to show how good and compliant you have been and how naughty and selfish your mother has been

WTAF?

She has a brand new baby! Who on earth would ever risk a new born baby to covid? Some babies have been very ill with covid with dangerously high temperatures. The only priority she has is to keep her baby safe and well - and really your post was really really unkind.

greenlynx · 14/12/2020 09:02

We are taking it very seriously. DD has higher risk of Covid complications and tbh I don’t count much on me and DH being perfectly healthy.
We don’t have family in UK, that’s make things easier so it’s only 3 of us on Xmas, usually we invite friends over Xmas period but not this year.
My advice is to think about yourself and your baby. Your Mum is grown up and could survive being a bit bored for a day whereas you have caring responsibilities and need to think about your baby. The holiday was a week ago but was it allowed by rules? And does your Mum follow rules? I know my parents don’t and my sibling who live near them had a huge row with them at the beginning of the pandemic about it. And I was completely on the sibling’s side. Parents were just lazy and bored.

However I would approach it differently. I would tell your Mum that as the cases are rising and there are lots of concerns that the government approach to open up at Xmas is wrong ( and it’s all true there is a lot about this in the papers) so you and DH decided to have quiet Xmas on your own this year and not seeing anyone apart from outside and then stick to it. Add something about vaccine is coming so you hope the Easter will be different ( it won’t by the way) and suggest a nice place outside to meet up. Promise to bring her a flask with hot chocolate/ mulled wine/ herbal tea as a present.

greenlynx · 14/12/2020 09:05

Babies are the least vulnerable out there.
I wouldn’t test this idea on MY baby.

ClaireP20 · 14/12/2020 09:07

But it's been more than 10 days betwen her going away and coming to see you for Christmas.

10 days is the quarantine period.

So you can still see her. So you are being unreasonable.

ClaireP20 · 14/12/2020 09:09

@greenlynx

We are taking it very seriously. DD has higher risk of Covid complications and tbh I don’t count much on me and DH being perfectly healthy. We don’t have family in UK, that’s make things easier so it’s only 3 of us on Xmas, usually we invite friends over Xmas period but not this year. My advice is to think about yourself and your baby. Your Mum is grown up and could survive being a bit bored for a day whereas you have caring responsibilities and need to think about your baby. The holiday was a week ago but was it allowed by rules? And does your Mum follow rules? I know my parents don’t and my sibling who live near them had a huge row with them at the beginning of the pandemic about it. And I was completely on the sibling’s side. Parents were just lazy and bored.

However I would approach it differently. I would tell your Mum that as the cases are rising and there are lots of concerns that the government approach to open up at Xmas is wrong ( and it’s all true there is a lot about this in the papers) so you and DH decided to have quiet Xmas on your own this year and not seeing anyone apart from outside and then stick to it. Add something about vaccine is coming so you hope the Easter will be different ( it won’t by the way) and suggest a nice place outside to meet up. Promise to bring her a flask with hot chocolate/ mulled wine/ herbal tea as a present.

I understand where you are coming from but the quarantine period will have passed by xmas. So she can see her mum. I just think that would be a really cold and terrible thing. To not see her. I suspect the OP doesn't really want to see her.
ThornAmongstRoses · 14/12/2020 09:11

I’m probably breaking the rules to some degree but it’s about weighing up the risks and allowing others to do the same.

Myself and my husband are in jobs that mean we are surrounded by people all day, one son is in school with lots of children with no SD, and my other son is in nursery with lots of other children - so there are huge amounts of people that our family is forced to ‘socialise’ with.

Therefore, I’m not going to tell my retired mother that she can’t come over for a cup of tea.

If she’s happy to take the ‘risk’ then I’m going to see her.

tootiredtospeak · 14/12/2020 09:20

This thread really does highlight the difference in peoples attitudes when it comes to this virus. Let's put it this way if your DH did this would he be banned. To me it's the fact she is your Mum not a distance relative or a friend. I cannot understand why this would even occur to you. I might give my Mum an ear bashing as we are brutally honest with each other but I would never ban her from spending Xmas with me. She is a key worker in her 60s and has come into much more risk than any of us. Even if she did break the rules I love her and I would never do this unless she was posing a significant risk to my child which your Mum really isn't. She has plenty of time to isolate and I am stunned by how many people agree. As one poster said above if she drops dead next year all you will ever remember is that you banned her from your babys first xmas.

houseinthesnow · 14/12/2020 09:49

f she drops dead next year all you will ever remember is that you banned her from your babys first xmas

Why not throw a bit of emotional blackmail into the mix whilst you are at it! Her mother is putting herself at risk, if she drops dead next year it will be pretty much her own fault.

One would like to imagine that she considers the safety of her newborn baby granddaughter to be a priority over socialising, and unless she is able to take her responsibilities seriously, then she should spend christmas elsewhere. It is one christmas, there will be another next year and the one after ffs.

greenlynx · 14/12/2020 09:50

@ClaireP20
I didn’t think that it’s about incubation period. I’ve got the feeling that OP’s worried about her Mum not following rules and lying about it. She didn’t tell OP about weekend.
Tbh my DPs are the same, they won’t tell you openly that they are against rules but then they would do what they want. And it’s fair enough but when you have caring responsibilities you are in different position and OP’s priorities are with her baby.

whatswithtodaytoday · 14/12/2020 09:54

Yes, we're still sticking to it. We haven't had anyone in our house or been in anyone else's since March (except a couple of plumbers). Yes, it's really boring and I miss my family and friends. I also don't want to catch Covid, or put any of them at risk.

We'll have Christmas as a household and just meet others (including our parents) for outdoor walks. My mum wouldn't be doing anything so ridiculous as she's a sensible, intelligent woman in an at-risk age group, but if she did I would be quite happy to say we wouldn't host her this year.

Reading this thread, it's no fucking wonder hospitals are full, is it?

Duggeehugs82 · 14/12/2020 10:15

We r not seeing my parents, my brother works in a hospital, sometimes having to go to covid wards. He lives with his gf, they have both been ignoring the rules going round each parents house. They can have christmas with parents and i will stay at home with husband and 2 small children. I would totally not have my mum round if that happened to me. We r sticking to rules and its rubbish but i know in years from now when this is oven i will have a clear conscience,

tootiredtospeak · 14/12/2020 10:17

We can agree to disagree. I think that banning her Mum is ridiculous. I don't think having a word is ridiculous or letting her Mum know that she doesn't agree with her breaking the rules is ridiculous but to ban her is. I couldn't care less if anyone agrees and I am not trying to virtue signal to a bunch of people on the internet. The OP can clearly make her own decisions it's her family dynamics. I just think so many people who behave this way potentially damaging relationships with their own family just so they can be congratulated by a bunch of people on the internet they don't know is bizarre.

Duggeehugs82 · 14/12/2020 10:19

I see it as our generation ww1/2, in sense that whole country as been turned upside down and we need to do our bit to Conquer it , people had to do certain things like blackouts, be apart from family, rations. In comparison its nothing, we have the internet for communication which is better than nothing. Im sure after years of war people where fes up and annoyed at situation but they preserved , and thats what im doing.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/12/2020 10:19

We’re in Tier 3. It feels just like lockdown🤔. Shops and schools open, but that’s the only difference. No household mixing. How is this not lockdown?

I’m still following all the rules even though it’s hateful and I’m going mad with boredom.

user1471565182 · 14/12/2020 10:19

I get a feeling (backed up by this thread) that people are being all fucking eastenders 'faeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeermily!!!!!!!!!!' about it