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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas dilemma

360 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 18:49

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

OP posts:
Simplyunacceptable · 13/12/2020 20:58

This is frankly bonkers. I have a 9 year old and there’s no way she wouldn’t know what date it is. They break up less than a week before Christmas, most children will know Christmas Eve is ‘next Thursday’.

He’s old enough to be told the truth by now tbh. Dad has to work on Christmas Day so we’re going to celebrate on Boxing day instead. Simple.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 13/12/2020 20:59

It will be stressful on you constantly thinking ahead - is he going to find out, can I let him speak to relatives etc. I would just say something like Santa is delivering presents over 2 days this year because of covid restrictions so his Christmas will be when he goes to bed on Christmas night and wakes up on boxing day.

GrandTheftWalrus · 13/12/2020 21:01

Hes 9. Tell him his dad is working so you are having Xmas day a day late. And if your dh isn't working till 8am surely your son will have been up and opened the presents by then?

Indoctro · 13/12/2020 21:01

So we did something similar and told our son Father Christmas made exceptions for wee kids who dads or mums had to miss Xmas day and came early instead

My husband was gonna be away for Xmas so we had it early

It worked and they had what was a normal Xmas

Kismet999 · 13/12/2020 21:02

I would say Santa is delayed (related to covid) and that some (but not all) children will be getting their presents a day later this year.

Myshinynewname · 13/12/2020 21:04

The danger of you trying to deceive him is that if he does find out part way through Christmas Day and Father Christmas hasn't been where do you go from there? My kids would be devastated and think they were on the naughty list! I know you say it's not likely but it's not impossible.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 21:05

He will be up pre eight but I don’t want a half baked Christmas with DH working. I’m definitely moving the whole thing so we have Christmas Day on Boxing Day. The dilemma
was just whether to tell DS it had moved. And to do so seems to be the consensus.

I think DH is right that if we tell him now and then keep mentioning “our Christmas is Saturday remember” he will have normalised it in no time and be fine and not even notice he’s “missing out” on the 25th. Plus as other problem have said he and I can still have a special day whilst his dad works then do Christmas Eve when he clicks off at seven and then have a family Christmas Day on the 26th and if DS feels he’s getting an extra day of celebrations he might even be happy.

Maybe I’m projecting my own disappointment on to him idk.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 13/12/2020 21:05

I don’t understand why you can’t do Xmas stockings/presents in the morning before your husband goes to work and tell him you’re doing the meal and family presents the day after. We had many different variations of Xmas over the years due to work or holidays, it didn’t spoil anything.

Cantrecall · 13/12/2020 21:06

It’s your call if you think you can pull it off do it! You know your child better than anyone. My 9&10 (just turned) still believe although the 10yo is questioning. Probably could have pulled this off though last year if I needed to. But yes the advent calendar situ might have been a screw in the works for me.

GrandTheftWalrus · 13/12/2020 21:06

I'm nightshift on Xmas night so we are having dinner etc on Xmas eve. But santa is still coming on the 25th as I can just go for a sleep later in the day.

HollyandIvyandallthingsYule · 13/12/2020 21:07

So it’s not for your son you’re doing this...it’s for you.

You could easily make the day really lovely, and I actually think you’re being really unfair making him wait an extra day for his presents just because you can’t compromise a little.

GrandTheftWalrus · 13/12/2020 21:09

Also my mum is a nurse so worked many Christmas days. I still knew it was Xmas day. We would get up early, I'd open my presents then she would go to work. We still enjoyed our day. Usually by me laughing at my dad trying to cook dinner.

Crustmasiscoming · 13/12/2020 21:09

I would just tell him. I can't see how he wouldn't find out.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 21:09

I am doing this for him. If it was just me and DH I wouldn’t be bothered at all. But I just want him to have a normal Christmas as everything else has been anything but. I do think maybe I’m not giving him enough credit and he’d be fine about it

OP posts:
EddyF · 13/12/2020 21:12

@catgirl1976

Ok - you've all convinced me. I'll tell him and explain that Santa does another day for children whose parents have to work and we get to keep Christmas going for longer than everyone else and have a lovely day altogether

DH will be quite smug that MN sided with him :)

You sound like a really good mum wanting you make your son’s day special.

I think telling him the truth is better. Even if you were able to pull it off, you may end up feeling guilty due to the lie. Either way, I am sure he will have a wonderful Christmas as you seem to be so thoughtful and kind.

AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight · 13/12/2020 21:14

@HollyandIvyandallthingsYule

So it’s not for your son you’re doing this...it’s for you.

You could easily make the day really lovely, and I actually think you’re being really unfair making him wait an extra day for his presents just because you can’t compromise a little.

I'm sorry - I agree with this. It's your idea of a 'half baked Christmas' that is setting your agenda here. I doubt very much your ds sees it like that. It's almost a little cruel, tbh, to make him wait an extra day for his presents just because your dh is working. Presents in the morning as usual (if he is that excited he is surely likely to be up long before your dh starts work), then he has things to play with/get on with during the day. Then you can decide whether to do Christmas 'dinner' once he has finished work or Christmas 'lunch' the next day.
nosswith · 13/12/2020 21:14

DS is nine. Perhaps time to tell him Santa is not real and why you have had to change arrangements this year.

Havenly · 13/12/2020 21:15

Just tell him the truth- Dad has to work, so you're going to do it when you can all enjoy it together. If he still believes, tell him you've written to Father Christmas and he says it's OK.
Don't try and deceive him- it'll take too much energy and leave you tense all the time, trying not to slip up. --and there's no need for it.

TatianaBis · 13/12/2020 21:16

He’s only working 8 to 5 OP.

You have stockings and presents with special Christmas breakfast before 8. Then dad goes to work while you and he chill out play with his presents and watch TV, then Christmas dinner at 5pm.

DH is a medic my kids are used to dad working at Christmas in the past.

TatianaBis · 13/12/2020 21:18

He’s 9 OP he knows Santa is you and DH.

SummerHouse · 13/12/2020 21:19

Well I think it's a lovely idea from a good place but I think better that he's signed up to it then there's no danger of it going wrong. You will have a lovely Christmas day (boxing day) op and you can be all smug on Christmas day evening when you have it all to look forward too and everyone else is clearing up mess and smelling of sprouts. Xmas Grin

Lelophants · 13/12/2020 21:21

It does seem like a lot of stress. Father Christmas comes as always and he can open some presents on the day when you are both at home doing v little and the rest when dad is back on boxing day. Or father Christmas understands ans can come a day later. Kids aren't completely foolish and you'll end up being stressed and acting strange which he will pick up on. It's better to learn about real life issues.

Lelophants · 13/12/2020 21:21

Also if you make it fun and jusr extend it all I dont see the issue?

quizqueen · 13/12/2020 21:22

You'd have to lose a day after Christmas too to make sure New Year's Eve is on the correct day so what day is that going to be ( will December end on the 30th?) and how are you going to police that? It's a half baked idea of a lie which isn't going to work at all.

Thehollyandtheirony · 13/12/2020 21:22

It’s a wonderfully elaborate excuse for eating 23 advent calendar chocolates yourself!