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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas dilemma

360 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 18:49

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

OP posts:
CatholicKidston · 13/12/2020 20:41

I think at 9 I'd have been hurt to be lied to to that extent really.

Chloemol · 13/12/2020 20:41

I think you should tell him

CatholicKidston · 13/12/2020 20:42

Also just explain it to him like you're having two Christmas days. Sounds pretty appealing.

Guga · 13/12/2020 20:42

Wtf? Is this for real? What a drama & deceit over nothing. Plenty of people have to work over the festive period and on Christmas Day Confused

Artesia · 13/12/2020 20:43

At 9, I’d speak to him and involve him in the decision- explain that DH has to work, and ask how he thinks you should deal with it. You can offer suggestions, and see what he prefers, including the “we can write to Santa and ask him to come a day later because dad is working- he does it for lots of people” idea. With a bit of a nudge he will decide that’s the best plan, and you won’t have to get embroiled in some ridiculously over-complicated charade. Plus he might enjoy feeling old enough to be involved in planning how to spend the days, and might come up with good ideas of what would make it exciting for him.

Also, if you think he’s not 100% sure about Santa, keep it simple. The more you have to come up with complicated explanations, the less plausible it all seems.

PolloDePrimavera · 13/12/2020 20:43

Tell the truth and do a 2 dayer but I don't mean the whole shebang over two days, I mean do something nice on 25th , just you and him, just a favourite film and snacks , or camping in the living room or sthg. And yes, tell him that his dad has to work like lots of people but he's lucky because it means he has Christmas Day when it's finished for everyone else. Presents the night before is a good idea. It's been such a crazy year that I'm sure he'll accept this. And congratulations to your husband, hopefully it's not too manic! At least he gets NYD off...

Crunchymum · 13/12/2020 20:43

Actually the more I've read the more I think your plan is quite sinister

@catgirl1976.... getting a new advent calendar? Getting friends and family to play along?

Very, very bizarre and unnecessary.

PolloDePrimavera · 13/12/2020 20:44

And my DS who's nearly 8, never watches TV: he watches films, YouTube and games. Nor do any of his friends. Also minecraft and roblox and football games. He doesn't even understand the concept of terrestrial tv...

NataliaOsipova · 13/12/2020 20:46

Wow so many negative people here. I think it’s a great way to keep the magic alive.

I disagree - I think it’s a way to kill it stone dead! The minute he looks on an iPad he will know what date it is...and that you’ve lied to him. If your DH is working from home, surely he can do the Father Christmas bit at, say, 7. He then works (crap, yes, I agree) until 5 while you watch Christmas films and prepare Christmas dinner to have when he’s finished work. You then have a super douper family Boxing Day.

birdseedpie · 13/12/2020 20:48

@catgirl1976

He won't be watching any TV so I'm not worried about that.

If he does find out my plan is to explain why we moved it and that Father Christmas does another run for people like Doctors and Nurses and Firemen who have to work Christmas day so we wrote to him, explained his daddy had to work Christmas day too this year and got him put on that list.

Just do that anyway?
Lovemusic33 · 13/12/2020 20:50

I think it’s a crazy idea, you want to lie to your ds about what day it is, even change his advent calendar and the date on his iPad (which is impossible btw). He’s old enough to talk to about this, why not just ask him what he would prefer to do? Maybe he could open his main present on Christmas Day and save everything else for Boxing Day? Lots of parents work Christmas Day but I’m sure people don’t lie to their 9 year olds about what day Christmas is on.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 20:50

We don’t have any calendars in our house (except the problematic advent one) and the TV is never on in the day. Like @PolloDePrimavera my son doesn’t watch TV and I don’t think any of his friends do either. It’s YouTube, mine craft and Roblox. He won’t speak to any of his friends or see them because COVID. Family can ring on Christmas Day without making the point of what day it is and I’m pretty sure if I asked him now what date Christmas Day was there’s about a ten percent chance he wouldn’t know.

But so many people think it’s a bad idea.

DH thinks we just tell
Him and don’t make a massive deal out of it and then just keep saying “our Christmas Eve is Friday” by the time the 25th comes round he won’t even really notice but at leas tif he does we’ve already explained we are doing things later due to him working.

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 13/12/2020 20:51

Every kid knows exactly how many sleeps from now until Christmas. They are literally counting down the days.

Is OP going to keep up the pretence until after New Year?

OP needs to grow up. Many parents have to work over Christmas.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 20:52

Just asked him how many sleeps (putting him to bed). He has no idea.

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 13/12/2020 20:52

Xpost your DH is right.

Just make more of Christmas Eve and Boxing Day than you normally would.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 13/12/2020 20:52

I would do it OP - might be his last year of believing

ICUDoc · 13/12/2020 20:53

Like others have said, no need to pretend or deceive him. Give him the credit he deserves and tell him that because Daddy has to work, we’ve moved Christmas Day to Boxing Day, that it will still be amazing... and that you’ve sent a message to Father Christmas, telling him that he knows exactly when to send his presents (if he really does still believe). I believe we should always strive to give children a proper childhood and not grow up too fast, but I think on this occasion, you need to treat him like the smart kid he is.

MissEliza · 13/12/2020 20:54

Sorry I think that's being ridiculous. Plenty of children have parents who work Christmas Day and they manage. My dm was a nurse and I felt sad when I saw her go off to work but we all coped and I don't ever remember feeling that Christmas was ruined because of it. Actually, I felt proud of what a hard worker she was.

HollyandIvyandallthingsYule · 13/12/2020 20:54

There just isn’t any need to deceive him. You’re babying him by not giving him the credit that he’s old enough to understand, and old enough to make the best of it and still have a great day.

He can still have his presents (let’s face it that’s probably going to be his favourite bit!), and special foods/treats, and then a proper Christmas celebration the next day.

dramalamma · 13/12/2020 20:55

I don't think you should tell him - but be prepared for him to find out if he does. If you pull it off it will become a great family story for when he's older... "the Year where mum delayed Christmas" - I think it's been such a rubbish year for everyone that I'm prepared to do what it takes to make it a special day and I think that has to include your partner - if you can't pull it off you could just have two Christmas days - do some special stuff just the two of you on 25th with maybe a couple of presents to open and play with then the big present opening on 26th.

TatianaBis · 13/12/2020 20:55

12 sleeps til Christmas.

Happyclownjuggling · 13/12/2020 20:56

Out of hours vet here so we usually have this most years - we've just explained to the kids that Santa can't get round all time zones at exactly the same point so those that work xmas 'cause some people do = early/late delivery slots - works really well for them and we just ask Santa at bottom of their Xmas letter for 'the 23rd so Mum can do presents with us as she's on call for your reindeer on 24th'

AliceMcK · 13/12/2020 20:56

I once celebrated my child’s birthday on the completely wrong day, complete accident, it was during the school holidays and none of us clicked so I think it can be easily pulled off.

At 9 though I think you can tell him the truth. My 8 & 6 year olds understand what’s happening with COVID and the impacts on peoples lives. They also understand parents work and have to do what their bosses say.

Personally I’d do presents early in the morning and let him have a fun day playing with them. Maybe have a big dinner ready for all 3 of you to sit down to at 5 then play games etc and tell DS that Boxing Day is all his to do what he wants with you guys.

A lot of children cope with their parents working Xmas day, my mum always worked Xmas day. Several of my family members also work Xmas day, they usually bring the day forward for the kids or do do what I’ve suggested.

user1471439310 · 13/12/2020 20:57

I think it is wonderful how you are just happy your husband has a job and accept he will be working Christmas day. The problem with not telling the truth though is somehow you are going to be so busy keeping this secret your son is going to know something is going on. You and your husband will make it special no matter what, enjoy your day.

Randomrebel · 13/12/2020 20:57

I would plan your time that way but say to him that santa is coming to some households on the 24th and some on the 25th. Have a lovely day with DS on Christmas day on your own (they grow up soon enough) and another nice day the three of you on the 26th.